This waiting is really taking a toll on me. I got sick this week. I had to call in sick from work on Wednesday. I just feel like I’m a wreck, and I can’t get my shit together. We are on pins and needles AND eggshells AND anything else sharp and delicate you can think.
Waiting and trying to figure out how to contact or not contact them:
1. how – what do we say? do we ask them to talk just the 4 of us? do we try to get together for a no-talking-about-donor-shit fun time with our families so we can do some reconnecting? do we tell them we NEED to see them face to face, or do we just pu something out there and hope they want to see us too?
2. via what medium- phone, IM, email
3. to who we should address anything – does S contact UD 1st or do we just send an email to both of them? On the one hand S should probably just talk to UD and maybe they can get together just the two of them. On the other hand, going through him to her and her not seeing us and us not seeing or talking to her seems like a bad plan.
4. do we do absolutely nothing and wait for them to contact us? btw UD has not emailed, called or chatted either of us, and it has been a week.
Arg. There is not an easy answer to ONE of those conundrums. Not one. Meanwhile we are all about anxious tummies and the inability to concentrate.
P.S. S just told me that she is too busy at work today to email or IM UD. So nothing will happen until tomorrow, unless she calls him tonight, which is unlikely. I just want to fall asleep for a few months.
dosmamas 
I am thinking of you.
I have no sibling relationships so I don’t know why I am going to suggest this…but…I think for the 1st round of contact S should reach out via phone to UD. If anything he could open up to her as to WHY without putting H on the spot.
I hate that your week has been so horribly tense. That sucks!!!
UD seems in touch with what H. might be feeling or what the two of them together might be feeling. I believe, when you first decided on this plan and asked about UD’s schedule this month, he was the one who expressed that he needed to talk to H. first, and slowed things down.
I am by no means the expert, but my inclination would be for S. to reach out to UD and basically pose the questions you posed in 1.) to him directly. What does he think would be good–reconnecting socially without donor stuff won’t be mentioned, getting together just the 4 of you and chatting about the donor stuff, not getting together at all and maybe just S. and he talking.
I don’t think S. should ask UD to reveal what is going on behind the scenes. That seems very private. But I think she can express to him how much the indecision puts your family in limbo, so if he or both he and H. could give you guys a clue about how they are feeling about donorship right now, that’d alleviate a lot of your stress.
In general, I think the best medium for all 4 of you to talk would be face to face, not phone and especially not email or IM because tone is often lost and you can agonize over “what does so and so mean by that” too much.
Those are my thoughts. Feel free to ignore.
I totally agree with Co that tone is lost in email and im-ing. I think phone or face to face is much better. I am sorry you are feeling so stressed and bad. I really hope things improve soon.