dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Circles December 31, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 1:48 am

We are pretty sure S is not pregnant. Yes, not until the blood comes will we be sure. But we know her body pretty damn well at this point, and it isn’t looking good.

We are in the land of talking in circles. Round and round we go.

What should we do? Does S want to do the dye test? Are we wiling to give up on her getting pregnant? Do we want to rely on others forever (Rocket Man) vs. use S’s brother again who we are already stuck with forever? Full sibling for LM? Both of us getting to be related to the kid? S getting to experience pregnancy?

I don’t want to go again. I will go again. That way we both are related to both kids. We know it works with me. But what if it doesn’t? What if S regrets not being pregnant. The dye test isn’t so bad. Wait, S HATES invasive tests. Why would she put herself through more of this? We can just keep trying without intervention. Wait that is the one option I am vetoing. A fresh IUI next cycle? How far are we willing to go to get her pregnant? What are we willing to give up?

What about how we both get to be related to both kids if I go again.
But what about S not getting to be pregnant?

Round and round. Round and round.

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Power Outage December 29, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 7:15 pm

Two whole days of S’s holiday vacation spent “surviving” in our house trapped, and without power.

A tree fell on the power lines on our road, spilling wires all over the place and blocking the only way out. Each day our good friends came to the other side of the scary tangled mess of limbs and wires to rescue us. We hiked through the mess to meet their car, and enjoy the world of lights and tv before returning.

It feels so good this morning to check my motherf*cking email.

In ttc news: we are 10 DPO with not much hope. Not in a dramatic no hope, miserable way, but in a disconnected way. We have so much riding on this cycle (like it could be her last, like we might start big invasive tests next cycle) that I think we are just burying our heads in the sand.

And we have not temped, I almost forgot to set our fertility monitor (two days late…but it still worked), I have recorded no feelings of crampiness, sore boobs or any other ttc signs on her chart, S has been forgetting her herbs and has given up on the teas.

I don’t know how this is going to go. Whether we will test. Certainly we could today…but more blank tests are too depressing for S. So we wait until New Year day, I suppose, for her period. That sounds so shitty to me. I would rather know earlier. Her current signs and stuff point towards her period coming, though. Maybe I don’t want to know earlier.

 

Happy Holidays! December 24, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 10:38 pm

I am having a rare day where I am at peace, happy and feel grateful, all at once. Happy day to me.

S and I decided yesterday that we were going to enjoy ourselves over the next 24 hours. Fuck it. So what if the gifts are not enough. They are. Or the food isn’t good enough. It is. We are refusing to feel not good enough about anything right now, when we have so much to be grateful for. For f*cks sake…we get to do things like this: have LM put carrots out for the reindeer tonight, and watch his face when he sees just the carrot greens left on the deck in the morning. I gave him a gift today…these stupid magnetic rocks in a tiny red bag that cost me $4.95, and told him they were from Santa’s helper, Santa Mouse. He’s been talking about it ALL day. All about Santa Mouse, how small he is and how he’s going to see him today. Life is good.

I wish for you all to feel like enough this holiday season.

 

I’m boring you to tears… December 21, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:23 pm

I can see from my lack of comments that I have been too bitter or too boring. I can’t help the bitter part, but I can change it up with some more interesting stuff. Well, actually I can’t. I’m too busy. I am a pre-holiday nut job who is sick and dumb.

S and I forgot to order the LM picture calendars for all the grandparents…then we did insem stuff all weekend. Therefor we are 3 days from Christmas and missing gifts for 5 IMPORTANT FAMILY MEMBERS. We are so fucked. In fact we are “Effed in the A” which is my new favorite saying.

 

Try #6: Complete

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 4:31 am

Three insems. Gift of porn was appreciated. I am sick, LM is sick and I am completely exhausted. I was going to leave it there, but I’ll give y’all an update.

S and I discussed, again, the possibility of me having the next baby. It is becoming a more real possiblity, but one we don’t really want. Mostly. Whatever. It is complicated.

Additionally, I am incredibly tired, sick and a bit nauseated today…this makes me even more sure that I don’t ever *want* to go again. I will, but pregnancy, at least for me, was a giant me being very fat with a painful pulled groin muscle, eating everything in sight, unable to lie own, sick and exhausted all the time festival of whining and having hormonal meltdowns. I don’t get chicks who feel the running throgh the field of fertile wildflowers bit. It took me a while to not *want* this anymore (seriously, what was I thinking? I don’t do well with pregnancy), but I’m finally here. I would be willing to. Willing.

I don’t know if S or I can give up the possibility of her ever being pregnant or giving birth. It makes me very sad. But we have been thinking lately how lovely it would be to have a full sibling for LM. It is complicated. Messy business, but somehow, miraculously, she and I are on the same page. This page happens to be we don’t know what the f*ck we are going to do, but we are doing it together.

Oh did I mention that S’s period is due on New Years day?

What a lovely New Year’s eve that will be.

Yeah, happy f*cking new year to us…it didn’t work again, chumps.

Oh wait, aren’t the first few days after inseminations supposed to be filled with hope and wonderment?

 

We’re off December 17, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 6:28 pm

To WTF and Rocket Man’s house with gifts for the family, and gifts of p*rn. We decided that would be the very best way to say ‘thank you for all your efforts.’

F*cking try number 6, here we come.

 

WTF is impossible December 14, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:21 pm

Impossible in many ways…one of which is TO SHOP FOR.

Holy crap that woman is hard to buy anything for. First of all she is the most precisely particular friend I have ever had, and she is smart so she always guesses things so you can’t surprise her, and she is relentless once she sets her mind to something.

I always fail when trying to gift her. Always. Literally always. It has become a “thing”.

These are just the most recent failures:

1. This summer:
While she was pregnant with the most recent baby disaster I bought her a beautiful book about the day a baby is born. She gets C-sections so when the book says “and, then, with a push, you slipped out into the dark quiet” I neatly crossed out push and Sharpied in “pull”. So sweet, huh? Definately enough to make a pregnant woman cry. BUT…
She already had the book. Signed by someone else, and I could not return my book because I had defaced it with a Sharpie.

2. Two months ago:
Cool maternity shirt that was not quite her style, but was hip and interesting….looked like shit on her and was just BAD.

3. Last month:
Super cool advent calendar for her kids, by a German toy manufacturer…I had to put the whole thing together, put toys in boxes, assemble it. I transported the entire wobbly f*cking thing to her house. AND…
She already has it, in fact she has one for each kid already. No one I know has one or has ever even heard of these calndars.

4. Present day:
There is this pretend doctor set I have that she covets. She has been asking me about it for a month. Where did I get it, who makes it, etc. I bought it for her already, mind you. Anyway I think maybe she won’t find it (she called the store my mom thought she bought it at 3 times and they don’t have it), or she’ll give up. Silly me! So she calls today and tells me she found and ordered the doctor set! I say “fuck” and she’s like “NO WAY.”

Yes way, WTF. So I tell her to cancel her order, which she does. The surprise is ruined, but I still get to give her the gift and that is what is important, right?

WRONG. I got an email today, not 2 hours after we spoke saying the doctor set I ordered was damaged and they are refunding my money. I ordered it A WEEK AGO.

And poor WTF! Seriously. Her parents and family are the worst gift givers EVER. And she is always disappointed. True, she is hard to shop for, I might even say impossible at this point, but still she deserves some nice gifts. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere. She is very generous and thoughtful when she gives gifts. Hello???? Sperm. Nuff said.

One time, ONE TIME, I would love to surprise her with a f*cking SURPRISE gift that she loves.

But it is not in the stars, my friend. I reordered it from another store and hopefully it will get it to you by Christmas.

Jesus…and these are just the gift attempts I can remember from the last year.

P.S. She is insiting on getting S and I a gift this year, and I’m like are you crazy, um sperm?! Am I right? I think month after month of sperm, freely given is the most thoughtful generous gift ever and should release her from any further gift obligation to us forever. But whatever. She’s determined and lovely.