Impossible in many ways…one of which is TO SHOP FOR.
Holy crap that woman is hard to buy anything for. First of all she is the most precisely particular friend I have ever had, and she is smart so she always guesses things so you can’t surprise her, and she is relentless once she sets her mind to something.
I always fail when trying to gift her. Always. Literally always. It has become a “thing”.
These are just the most recent failures:
1. This summer:
While she was pregnant with the most recent baby disaster I bought her a beautiful book about the day a baby is born. She gets C-sections so when the book says “and, then, with a push, you slipped out into the dark quiet” I neatly crossed out push and Sharpied in “pull”. So sweet, huh? Definately enough to make a pregnant woman cry. BUT…
She already had the book. Signed by someone else, and I could not return my book because I had defaced it with a Sharpie.
2. Two months ago:
Cool maternity shirt that was not quite her style, but was hip and interesting….looked like shit on her and was just BAD.
3. Last month:
Super cool advent calendar for her kids, by a German toy manufacturer…I had to put the whole thing together, put toys in boxes, assemble it. I transported the entire wobbly f*cking thing to her house. AND…
She already has it, in fact she has one for each kid already. No one I know has one or has ever even heard of these calndars.
4. Present day:
There is this pretend doctor set I have that she covets. She has been asking me about it for a month. Where did I get it, who makes it, etc. I bought it for her already, mind you. Anyway I think maybe she won’t find it (she called the store my mom thought she bought it at 3 times and they don’t have it), or she’ll give up. Silly me! So she calls today and tells me she found and ordered the doctor set! I say “fuck” and she’s like “NO WAY.”
Yes way, WTF. So I tell her to cancel her order, which she does. The surprise is ruined, but I still get to give her the gift and that is what is important, right?
WRONG. I got an email today, not 2 hours after we spoke saying the doctor set I ordered was damaged and they are refunding my money. I ordered it A WEEK AGO.
And poor WTF! Seriously. Her parents and family are the worst gift givers EVER. And she is always disappointed. True, she is hard to shop for, I might even say impossible at this point, but still she deserves some nice gifts. Sometime. Somehow. Somewhere. She is very generous and thoughtful when she gives gifts. Hello???? Sperm. Nuff said.
One time, ONE TIME, I would love to surprise her with a f*cking SURPRISE gift that she loves.
But it is not in the stars, my friend. I reordered it from another store and hopefully it will get it to you by Christmas.
Jesus…and these are just the gift attempts I can remember from the last year.
P.S. She is insiting on getting S and I a gift this year, and I’m like are you crazy, um sperm?! Am I right? I think month after month of sperm, freely given is the most thoughtful generous gift ever and should release her from any further gift obligation to us forever. But whatever. She’s determined and lovely.