dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

ttc (in the lower case) April 27, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 4:57 am

Update: I am so not obsessed that I can blog about ttc!! Boy that no TTC talk made me so fucking boring…except the food blog is really good for me.

There is nothing like someone moving from your sperm donor, to maybe not your sperm donor to really highlight the flaws. Talk about clay feet**.

I won’t go into the flaw details…but let’s just say they exist. We had not heard from The Wife for a bit, but she emailed me recently and we had a pleasant exchange. I swing back and forth on any given day regarding what the result of this drama will be. This process has absolutely made me feel less attached to this PKD and whatever happens I believe I will ultimately be happier with the result. If they say yes, I will be relieved and happy (that’s the truth), and if they say no I will be disappointed, but…

…but I experienced a solid, good, strong “yes” go to a maybe…so I know deeply now that whatever we or anyone agrees to with a KD, it can change, it can get weird, things can go South. You are dealing with people and feelings forever. A KD is still my first choice, this PKD is still my firstest choice, but the Froyo is now a close second. Previously it was a 3rd runner up, and 3 people need to die or be maimed for said contestant to wear the crown. So it’s a relief to have a viable runner up, and a beauty queen with some bona fide clay feet.

**Feet of clay means ‘a weakness or hidden flaw in the character of a greatly admired or respected person’.

The phrase is from the Bible (Daniel 2: 31-40). King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream. The image that appears to him has a head of gold, breast and arms of silver, belly and thighs of brass, and legs of iron. The feet of this image are made of iron and clay. A stone hits the feet and the whole image breaks into pieces.

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My Little Monster April 25, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 8:59 pm

LM talks. He is 19 months old and talks a great deal for his age (have anything to do with one mommy being a therapist?)

He now puts words together, in sentences. But mostly he puts two words together, to come up with such phrases as “mama, fun” or his regarding his friend Eli “Eli, happy”. He also says “fart” when you do one. He copies my “alrighty.” He also mimics the way I say fuck under my breath “fuuuuck“, which is lovely.

I love his language. I love it when he talks so much that I can barely listen to him sometimes.

Oh, and he started getting obsessed recently with underwear…”undies.” He doesn’t want us to put on our pants he just wants to talk about our undies. So we got him some (little biti man underwear with dogs and bones on them). He wears them!! And he tells us when he needs to pee, but not always. I desperately want to post a pic of this but don’t dare, unfortunately, because of all the weirdos in the world. So please just imagine it. Imagine the cuteness and the strutting involved.

 

IRL… April 24, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 4:13 am

Sunday I met my first fellow blogger in the flesh. Lo and Co were in my State and even neighborhood this weekend, so we all (S, LM, Co, Lo and myself) met in the park and went for a walk! It is nice to know that y’all are real people with actual faces and VOICES. It is always strange to hear someone’s voice who you have only known in written form. Anyhoo, we had a lovely time. Co and I did not get a chance to discuss our food blog though, because of course we talked about babies and LM and TTC. So Co, I can’t wait to hear more about all of your fab cooking.

 

The Food Blog April 20, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 3:19 pm

I will still post here. I swear. About my life. But my newest project is doing a food blog with Sacha and Co. Yay. A new outlet for me blog energy.

But I need a little mini TTC rant. Now that our PKD is a maybe, we have had to tell every-friggin-body in our lives, and it sucks ass. Ok one sentence is all I am allowed.

OK one more: I know people mean well, but I get frustrated when there is an assumtion that we have not thought of everything, of every possible option like a billion times.

 

The Days of the Dead April 14, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 8:26 pm

This is a photo I took at a Dias de los Muertos market in Mexico last year.

I have family in Mexico.

(I’m trying to see if I can blog about other stuff.)

I think I will so a series on this celebration/holiday/ritual, because it is about death…and could not be further from baby blogging.

This is the opposite of birth, and is quite beautiful…it is about family and love and mourning, and it just feels appropriate.

 

Some Peace is Temporarily Restored to Our Village April 13, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 12:57 am

We feel better.

The break is actually happening, in real life instead of hypothetically.

I am less obsessed with TTC. Each day more TTC-ness gets chipped away. Fewer thoughts about it, less stress about PKD. He is coming over tonight for dinner, and I didn’t clean as well.
There is no salad course.

It is a bit sad but I do feel like:

‘dude, if you are maybe not giving us your sperm, maybe I won’t make you poached pears with whipped cream…maybe you just get a bakery cinnamon bun that I put in the toaster over…or maybe you get no friggin dessert at all’.

This was a real thought. And really I have no dessert planned. ‘F’ him.

Hah! I am such a nutter. Anyhoo, I’m feeling like there is some hope and using this donor is not the only way we can have a great baby. Phew.

P.S. Um, remind me of all this relaxedness when they actually say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in a few months…because we all know that the sup sup crying will return, either for joy or sadness.

P.P.S. We’ll see about the blogging thing, if I can do it whilst remaining less stressed and less obssessed, I will continue. If not I’ll stop for a month and return when I am able to regulate myself. Jeebus, it sounds like I’m a blogging alcoholic.

 

We Need a Break April 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:13 pm

**Before I get started I wanted to say: for a bit of fun go to http://www.google.com – type: failure – click on “I’m Feeling Lucky” tab. Hah!**

OK folks, here’s the sad scoop:

KD came over last night to do a conference call with us and The Wife.

Their answer is…maybe.
They need more time.

They need to wait until she comes (5 1/2 weeks away) to make a final decision. She apologized for the change from ‘yes’ to ‘maybe’, but they are trying to figure out what is best for their family and ours. The Wife has been confused, stressed trying to finish school, stressed about moving, stressed about being so far from her husband, stressed about donorship. She is having trouble separating out her feelings. She has been feeling really possessive of his sperm and sad that the 1st genetic baby of his will not be hers.

I want to be mad at her but truly, I would be feeling the same feelings. And she wants to talk to some other folks who have donated, be able to talk to her husband regularly. She can’t tell if her other life stressors are being transfered onto the donorship issue. When she gets here she’s into going to a few sessions with a counselor with us, someone who has dealt with this issue. You gotta give it to her, she isn’t giving up.

It all makes perfect sense, really.

But for S. and I, well, we are beyond disappointed. And there is more waiting. I can barely stand it. Part of me wants to go running to the sperm bank, but we can’t even afford to do that right now, even if we want to. Plus, we are hearty folk. I think we will end up sticking it out with PKD (sadly, the P must return), and seeing what happens. Who knows.

So our big decision is: WE ARE TAKING A BREAK.

We are taking a month off of making any baby decisions, we are taking a month off of talking about it all the time, we are taking a month off of stressing out about it all the time.

I’m not sure what this means in terms of blogging. I think I may need to take a break from the computer as well. Maybe take an Aikido class, or pottery, have some sex, make some lasagne. Maybe I can blog about other stuff. We’ll see.

We so desperately need a break. We need to reconnect with each other. We need to reconnect with LM and spend some time enjoying the family we already are.

I am attempting not to spend the day crying.