I have. I realized yesterday that i just don’t have that mybabymybaby thing happening like I did with Smarty. She exists, and I love her, but I don’t have the urge to write about everything she does. Well, anything she does, really.
Not sure if it is because I still feel disconnected to her, or if it is a 2nd kid issue. And if I’m being really honest, as I usually am, I must admit that I don’t really like babies all that much. Even mine. Love, yes – like, not so much.
Everyone says, savor this time, or it goes so fast, or people talk about how they ache for when their kids were infants. Really? No fucking way. I mean, when you want a baby and are having trouble getting one, that’s a different story, ache away. But I NEVER ache for the early days with Smarty. Ever. When I see infants, I see sleep deprivation, barf, constant swaying (I catch myself swaying when I’m holding a grocery bag, like a crazy person). I see no alone time. I see fighting with one’s partner. This baby stage is not for me.
I kinda hate it.
Chicky is adorable when she smiles, and tolerable other times. But I love fat toddlers, I love it when they can do sign language and giggle. So forgive me if I don’t talk about her much right now. Forgive me for not talking about much of anything right now. Jesus, I sound depressed as fuck. Maybe I need to get back on the Wellbutr!n.