dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

have you noticed i’m not blogging about chicky? July 22, 2008

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:17 pm

I have. I realized yesterday that i just don’t have that mybabymybaby thing happening like I did with Smarty. She exists, and I love her, but I don’t have the urge to write about everything she does. Well, anything she does, really.

Not sure if it is because I still feel disconnected to her, or if it is a 2nd kid issue. And if I’m being really honest, as I usually am, I must admit that I don’t really like babies all that much. Even mine. Love, yes – like, not so much.

Everyone says, savor this time, or it goes so fast, or people talk about how they ache for when their kids were infants. Really? No fucking way. I mean, when you want a baby and are having trouble getting one, that’s a different story, ache away. But I NEVER ache for the early days with Smarty. Ever. When I see infants, I see sleep deprivation, barf, constant swaying (I catch myself swaying when I’m holding a grocery bag, like a crazy person). I see no alone time. I see fighting with one’s partner. This baby stage is not for me.

I kinda hate it.

Chicky is adorable when she smiles, and tolerable other times. But I love fat toddlers, I love it when they can do sign language and giggle. So forgive me if I don’t talk about her much right now. Forgive me for not talking about much of anything right now. Jesus, I sound depressed as fuck. Maybe I need to get back on the Wellbutr!n.

 

i’m on a diet. July 12, 2008

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 3:18 pm

and by diet i mean “lifestyle change” and by lifestyle change i mean “weight watchers”, because i have been totally unsuccessful on my own. i am 30 lbs heavier that before i got pregnant, and i just can’t seem to loose the weight, or accept myself as i am. unlie some folks who embrace their curves, i just feel fat and unhealthy. i don’t like my muffin top, or the fact that my previously sculpted, lovely collar bones have disappeared. but i’m not focusing on that stuff. i’m feeling very very hopeful about this issue for the first time in years. i have some friends at work who do the program, so i’m doing a modified version (no meetings) and we’ll see how it goes. so far i’m not feeling deprived, and being tall (skinny me is 160 lbs) gives me way more points (thus more food) than my poor short friends.

have any of you successfully done weight watchers or a similar deal? any advice? so far i’m on day four! and i’m not cheating. and for the first time, like, ever, i’m finding it easy to leave food on my plate. oh, additional motivation is that S and I are renewing our vows in 3 weeks, because we can now GET MARRIED in this fine state.

 

blah July 6, 2008

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 9:49 pm

sorry. i don’t have anything to SAY lately.

i’m making a mix tape that rivals the g@rden state soundtrack. not quite as good, but almost. i know. but i only have 10 songs. any suggestions in that same genre? mix tapes are serious business for me, and it take me weeks to do just one.