You know those moments when something you have been wanting to end just ends without any torment or therapy on your part? This happened to me yesterday.
We went to have tacos at our fav little taco bar. Sitting in the lovely outdoor area was Voldem@rt’s (my ex best friend’s) new best friend who we will call ReplacedMe. She was there with her toddler and her giant 25 week pregnant belly. She is someone I originally really liked and wanted to be friends with. When Voldem@rt and I broke up, I was very sad that I could not be friends with ReplacedMe, because well she was going to, well, replace me. Anyhoo, we run into each other ever so often, and it is awkward. I always think, damn, I do like her and I wish I didn’t and I wish Voldem@rt did not ruin my chance to be friends with her.
So. I’ll spare you the boring details of how awkward it was, but I ended up petting her dog and asked her if she was having a boy or a girl. She is having another boy. I should know better than to open the baby questioning box because then people feel free to ask you questions. Although Voldem@rt and I broke up a year ago, ReplaceMe knows all about our struggles to find a donor because that was happening WELL OVER A FUCKING YEAR AGO, and we were kinda friends then. Anyhoo. She then asks about us having a second baby (as she has before but I always evade the question) and I told her that we were trying but it was not working. I teared up as I said this and felt like a giant asshole for not just saying “it is going fine” or that we were not talking to people about it, or something, anything other than the truth. She said she would keep us in her prayers, which made me completely want to bawl (it was just very heartfelt).
But then. Oh boy. Here it came. She looked right at me and said:
“You know, sometimes you really do just need to relax and let it happen.”
And that was it. I was done. Released.
I wanted to end the post there, with “released” because it is tidy, but I cannot because I need to have a small rant now about that most ridiculous, demeaning, assuming, fucked up comment.
“RELAX”??? Stick it up your ass bitch. You have no idea what we are going through. I would love to fucking relax. Not everyone can get pregnant “by accident” like you. When she told be she was pregnant (unplanned) she shrugged and said “it just happened”.
“LET IT HAPPEN”??? How, I ask, would this work. How, for fuck’s sake can two women “let it happen”. Is she an idiot who does not understand the biology of two chicks having sex?? I felt so demeaned.
This woman has no godly idea how much work I have put into having a baby. How much money, heartache, dashed hope, internet research, journaling, tears, love, marital discord, changing of plans…disappointment. She has no idea what it feels like to not be able to have a baby with one’s partner…to wonder whether money will prevent you from having a child at all. She has no idea what it is like to depend on other people (banks, donors, money, insurance companies, doctors) for the most precious part of life, creating our families. Not only are we depending on there people, the truth is that we are at their MERCY. At their fucking mercy.
Thank you ReplacedMe, for releasing me from any doubt or pining I had over our missed friendship. Readers, please don’t get the impression that I am in a terrible mood over this. Not at all. I just hate that bitch. After she said that I literally felt a little internal click, a “I’m sooooo over you” click. I didn’t even feel mad. I Just thought, oh thank you, thank you for saying that.
But God help me if I have to hear “relax” or “just let it happen” from anyone else ever again.