Not much else to say about that.
Snow weekend was lovely and snowy. We got snowed in an extra day. I was supposed to help WTF on Monday all morning and all day, seeing as she had no help and is kinda on bedrest, but I didn’t make it. I feel really badly about it. But what is a gal to do when the road is closed, and then reopens hours and hours later to TONS of traffic, HEAVY snow and 100MPH gusts of wind? It wasn’t going to happen with a toddler in the car. No effing way. But instead of helping them, I ended up being rather unhelpful…they had no babysitter so Rocket Man had to take the day off which was way less than ideal and he is so accommodating with us for the “goods”…ah, well.
Trying to schedule a therapy appointment with UD is going badly. He wants us not to “rush” into anything, and to speak with all the referrals I get. Apparently, the referrals I get might not be good enough, even though you all know what I do for a living. They need to get their own referrals and call them and call mine and speak with all of them before making a decision. Lets not forget that I have connections in this community…that I asked multiple sources for referrals of therapists who are smart, kind and knowledgeable about alternative families. I trust the people giving the referrals. Obviously this is not enough for them. Personally I don’t really care who we pick.
I was feeling just sick after my last IM (Instant Message) with him. Apparently I am “rushing” because I said asked if I should schedule an appointment with the therapist I just spoke with for two weeks from today, just so we have an appointment with someone good, and if someone else, or someone part of his insurance plan crops up we’ll just cancel the appointment. Jesus. So sorry for speeding into that. We have not seen each other (including that they have not seen our son) in more than 2 months, and if we schedule an appointment (and UD and H are ONLY available on Monday or Friday nights) a month or more out then we won’t see them for over 3 months by the time we go to this fucking appointment.
Then I realized that we cannot and should not discuss anything related to this topic, even logistical issues, via email. Ever. So I called UD and we had a short conversation about it. I feel resolved, but for fuck’s sake, he made the conversation quick because he had already arrived at the *gym*. I am totally not clear if that is a correct use of the ” * ” symbol, but whatever. I am so super *over* waiting for people.
I’m going to try to let it go…take some deep breaths and not complain about them anymore.
They are who they are.
The situation is what it is.
I make myself so fucking miserable with my expectations (even though I think they are mostly MORE than reasonable), and my desire for people to change. Why oh why do I continue to refuse to learn this lesson? I must stop with the expectations already. And the wanting to be right? I am incredibly right all the time and so incredibly miserable. I’m about ready, and if you know me in real life you know what this means to my skeptical and very feel-whatever-you-are-feeling self, to break down and watch “The Secret.”
P.S. we both had like 19 lattes this weekend. espresso machines rock.