Sometimes having an OBGYN rocks, other times, not so much. I called today to schedule our ultrasound and beta and I can’t do either until Monday when Dr. PSS (Poor Social Skills) and TF Midwife (Touchy Feely Midwife) return from vacation. Apparently the other doctor in her practice does not think a beta will yield any useful information at this point. I could almost agree with her if she gave me a good argument, but I know it is coming from an uninformed position.
Additionally, the nurse I was talking to, Nurse Nice, is obviously very nice, but is equally uninformed. When calculating my due date she was using that ridiculous wheel thingie that should be outlawed. OUTLAWED, I say. It only has an option to caculate the due date based on LMP (last mentrual period) and it is ridiculously based on a 28 day cycle. I know, I know, there must be some standardized way to calculate a due date. But that thing is *antiquated* and in my over reactive state I felt like the wheel was insulting my intelligence and women’s bodies in general. Technically this is not just a weird grievance, either. Important decisions are sometimes made about the pregnancy, based on how far along one is, and sometimes a week makes a difference.
Anyway, back to me. So Nurse Nice is trying to get a due date and week calculation so she can tell the front desk chick when to schedule the ultrasound. I want it at 7 weeks, far enough along to see a heartbeat, but well before the 7w5d mark which was when we had disastrousconfusingultrasound last time. So she’s giving me a time frame that is almost a week later than I wanted the ultrasound and saying stuff like (now remember she is nice and i have never had any problems with her):
her: “It [our calculation and hers] is all in the same ballpark”
me: I’m thinking: no, no it isn’t…you are giving me a due date that is almost a week later than mine, but I say“ok.”
her: “Yeah, our calculations are really the same,”
me: No, no they are not. “ummm….”
her: “Well, she could have ovulated within a few days of when you think she did.”
me: “Um, no she couldn’t have, we did a trigger shot.” And I already told you that.
her: “Oh, I know.”
me: “Okay, so we know she ovulated on the 9th.”
her: “Well my calculations say it was probably around the 11th”
me: “Well, no, we know it happened on the 9th.”
her: “Actually, conception can happen withing 2 or 3 days of ovulation anyway.”
me: “No, actually the egg must be fertilized within 24 hours after ovulation and taking S’s age into account it is probably more like 12 hours.”
her: “So, S should be missing her period in the next day or two.”
me: “Actually her period was due yesterday.”
her: “But she is only 3 or so weeks along, so we should schedule the ultrasound accordingly.”
me: “Wait. We know when she ovulated. She is 4 weeks pregnant today.”
her: “My calculations say 3 weeks, but it is not really that big of a difference.”
me: “But we know when she ovulated,” at this point I almost beat the phone on the counter a few times “and we know the length of her luteal phase. Her period was due yesterday.”
her: “Why don’t we open up a window from the 5th to the 15th of September, combining your calculations and mine and see when the doctor is available, and that will settle it.”
Settle what? The fact that she ovulated on the 9th? SHE DID. Settle the fact that she is 4 weeks pregnant today? SHE IS. The fact that her period was due yesterday? IT WAS.
What a surreal conversation that was. That nice nurse was like white knuckling that pregnancy wheel. Holding onto it for dear life. Nothing I said mattered. People are crazy.