OK, I am totally straying from the usual topics to discuss friendship. This is due to the fact that I can thin kof nothing else, despite the fact that PKD and The Wife arrive in town today.
Have any of you had a friendship that feels like a love relationship, in terms of drama?
I have a friend, we shall call her Liz, who I totally love and she totally loves me, we were at each others births, we went to school together, we are both therapists, we live in the same town, we have kids the same age. Apparently we are enmeshed. We hurt each others feelings…the way that we are in the world hurts the other person. I am loud and outgoing and have tried in the past to be ‘better’ than her… and I get all the attention (which is painful for her). She is shy and introverted, and pulls away emotionally whenever she feels irritated or mad or hurt (which is my least favorite thing in the world) and can be so exclusive. So I hurt her, and she hurts me just because we exist.
And we have processed the shit out of our relationship over the years, the way couples do. And it has gotten us here. Distant and mad and hurt. The things that should have brought us closer together (having kids at the same time, sharing all our professional interests) have brought us farther apart. Just as she is beginning a new job, I am beginning a new job and we will be competing with each other, unless we decide to believe in abundance and be a team, which is unlikely. We are both only children, and although I would love to blame it all on her (sometimes I do) the truth is that we have both been competitive and petty. And we have old patterns that I can’t seem to break.
So why are we friends?
At this point, I feel like I need to let go of her, but I have been avoiding this at all costs. It harkens me back to 6th grade friendships and high school friendships gone awry. And I am so sad. So sad. I love her and want us to be close and happy and good. But we are not and I am just clinging. I need to let go.
Please tell me that someone out there has had some super difficult friendship issues in their adult life.
PS Has anyone had funky frienship/business stuff happen? And how did you deal with it?