two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

hi people April 14, 2009

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:26 pm

yes i am shamelessly writing now because i need help. sorry. i don’t blame anyone for skipping the post or not replying at all. anyway. first a quick update then onto my problem. here is a pic (it is the most recent one i could find on the computer i am on) of littleO:
she is almost a year old now! holy. she’s absolutely fucking brilliant and hysterical and challenging. and my smarty is such an amazing big brother, i could weep just thinking about it. he’s currently obsessed with Tinkerbell and Star Wars. he calls the character General Grievous “genital grievous” and of course we do not correct him.

onto my problem. one of my bestest friends (in real life – not in blogland) is, i just found out, having an affair. WTF is my effing role? I am so MAD. I understand the reasons, but we are family friends, and I just want to lecture her and make her listen to me tell her how mad I am and say “how dare you” and stuff like that. but honestly I have no idea what my role is here. i have never been through this before. they have kids. i love her partner. they are having marital difficulties. we go on vacations with them. WTF do i DO?


8 Responses to “hi people”

  1. bri Says:

    Leave it alone. You may not be able to be friends with her right now and may end up being friends only with the partner if they split up because you feel so mad. If they are unable to work through it and they do fall apart, you are going to grieve the loss of the friendship with them as a couple and that will suck. There are still couples I grieve even though they are all moved on and happy with other people – we just all had so much fun together! Others may feel differently but I just don’t think this is a case where you get to process it with her right now. You can be loudly UNpresent for her and unable to talk to her about it because you are mad and morally opposed. Down the road you can maybe say that you are really sad about what you lost with them (if it ends). But I seriously believe this is a private thing that has nothing to do with you. You have to deal on your own. And by ranting to the Internets or your wife.

    I miss you!

  2. I’d try to counsel her not to do what she’s doing and to work things out w/ her partner before resorting to extra-marital affairs.

    Try not to be TOO mad… no matter how close you are to this couple, you can’t know all the inner workings of that relationship.

    Try not to judge or put conditions on your friendship with her. A friend is there for you no matter what.

    Even when they make bad choices.

    What you are suggesting is that she is only your friend on the condition that she and her partner stay together/are happy. Know what I mean?

    So be her friend and try to help her out of this path she’s tumbling down.

    That’s my 2 cents. 🙂

  3. tonya Says:

    just be a friend .
    cause there are so many emotions are flying around. she may need you to just listen and be there.
    hugs and love the pic of your little one.. too cute 🙂

  4. Co Says:

    You have a right to your feelings, but expressing anger doesn’t seem like it’d be helpful. That doesn’t mean you can’t express concern.

    You can say you are unwilling to talk about the affair with your friend, don’t want to hear about it, don’t agree with or support what s/he is doing… but I think that’s about it. I hope this resolves itself for the best. So, so hard.

    And little-O. What a cutie.

  5. nycphoenix Says:

    Stay as far out of it as you can. You can’t be objective; you can’t be supportive so just be honest with her that you can’t be there for her and encourage her to find the help she needs.

  6. Amanda Says:

    I read a blog that just happens to have had that story break a few days ago… Maybe a coincidence, maybe not…
    So I think that everyone makes mistakes. Some are really HUGE mistakes. REALLY GIGANTIC MISTAKES.
    She deserves love, not ostracism. There is nothing wrong with saying “That was really &@#!ing stupid” or being honest and telling her that you feel angry. But you need to think before you say those things so you can either honestly say “But I am here through the rough times” or “I need some space from you while you deal with this” at the end of that conversation. Your role is whatever you want it to be. Not that I am swaying you either way, but just telling you that I would choose the first version. Because someone worth being mad at for doing this is obviously someone who is worth being a friend. If you didn’t care for her and her family, you wouldn’t be as upset about it.

  7. CJ Says:

    You run and hide!! Quick! Just kidding…seriously, I don’t know. I would probably talk to the offending party, explain how YOU feel about being stuck in the middle of it all and encourage her to come clean. Good luck, no matter what you decide. I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers here!

  8. Calliope Says:

    sloooooooooowly going through my google reader & was so excited to see that you had posted again. YAY. Looks like I am late to the party- but I couldn’t not jump around with glee at seeing a newish post over here. MORE please.
    seriously- why don’t we all live on the same block???

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