two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

have you noticed i’m not blogging about chicky? July 22, 2008

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:17 pm

I have. I realized yesterday that i just don’t have that mybabymybaby thing happening like I did with Smarty. She exists, and I love her, but I don’t have the urge to write about everything she does. Well, anything she does, really.

Not sure if it is because I still feel disconnected to her, or if it is a 2nd kid issue. And if I’m being really honest, as I usually am, I must admit that I don’t really like babies all that much. Even mine. Love, yes – like, not so much.

Everyone says, savor this time, or it goes so fast, or people talk about how they ache for when their kids were infants. Really? No fucking way. I mean, when you want a baby and are having trouble getting one, that’s a different story, ache away. But I NEVER ache for the early days with Smarty. Ever. When I see infants, I see sleep deprivation, barf, constant swaying (I catch myself swaying when I’m holding a grocery bag, like a crazy person). I see no alone time. I see fighting with one’s partner. This baby stage is not for me.

I kinda hate it.

Chicky is adorable when she smiles, and tolerable other times. But I love fat toddlers, I love it when they can do sign language and giggle. So forgive me if I don’t talk about her much right now. Forgive me for not talking about much of anything right now. Jesus, I sound depressed as fuck. Maybe I need to get back on the Wellbutr!n.


10 Responses to “have you noticed i’m not blogging about chicky?”

  1. You know — whenever the wife talked about possibly wanting a kid this is one of the main reasons I wanted to shoot myself.

    It’s also another reason why I’ll never get another puppy.

    I feel your pain. 🙂

  2. bree Says:

    Oh Charlotte,

    I know where you’re coming from on the disconnectedness question. Even though I loved loved loved the infant stage, I didn’t feel like she needed me at all. Even when I took parental leave and spent 2.5 months meeting her every need (during the day), I didn’t feel like she needed me. I was just a breast-milk bottle warmer upper who would keep her occupado until her ‘real’ mommy got home.

    I’m sure it’s compounded by having experienced bio-mom status already, plus knowing how very cool older kids can be. While I certainly ache for another baby (given that I want to experience bio motherhood dammit!), I sometimes daydream about adopting a four year old. Kiddo is an amazing four, and I love how many things she can do on her own, how she reasons, and the great conversations we have. I also love how we’re more or less ‘equal’ moms now.

    As always, I’m impressed by your honesty, with yourself and others. Before you know it, you’ll be parenting a toddler/preschooler, and the question of bio disconnect will likely be past-tense.

    For now, I wish you the best. Please know that there are other non-bio moms out here who will happily read any rants you need to rant.

  3. meanmama Says:

    I’m not one who cares to blog about baby goings-ons either. But it sounds like you were the first time around, whereas I was never excited enough about the first poop or rolling over to document it with my twins. Could be a 2nd kid thing too. No one I know is quite as impressed when the second one rolls over or whatever. Sad but true.
    And if you are depressed, I hope you feel better soon.

  4. Kim Says:

    I just wanted to stop in and say that I have been reading forever and I SO appreciate your honesty. I am the bio mom in my situation but I often wondered secretly how I would feel if partner were to have the second child. Not really an option anymore in my situation, but like I said, I just wanted to express my gratitude to you for speaking the truth. You seem to be a normal, caring mother who is just honestly speaking about the trials and tribulations of having a new baby in the house. Most of us only think these things but don’t have the guts to talk about it openly. So yay to you for NOT blogging about Chicky if you’re not feeling it. And yay to you for telling it like it is. You are an inspiration to all us other bloggers out there.

  5. erin Says:

    Yeah for honesty! I’m the bio mom on our second go around and find our much loved two month old is downright boring, too. I think it’s more the second kid thing for me. I know how cool toddlers are- they make jokes and ask insightful questions and drive you a whole new kind of crazy, but they are far more interesting than infants. Yet another reason it sort of sucks to be the second child- they don’t even get the benefit of novelty to entice us with!
    I too sway, but often with *nothing* in my arms.
    Do you ever worry that the fighting is scarring them? We fight a lot now, too. I hate it 😦

  6. shelli Says:

    oh no, it’s not just you. I miss the “cute” babyness, but NOT much else about infant land. As we trudge along towards #2, I LOATHE the sleepless nights, and all of the other infant stuff. But we do it, and simply pray that it goes quickly.

  7. scarredbellybutton Says:

    I must admit I’m not a huge baby fan either.

  8. rosany Says:

    I admire your honesty. We now have 2 boys and I kept saying that I wanted to savor every moment of this second baby because he is our last one. I must of been crazy to say that because it is relentless hard work. I agree with you that some of the moments with a baby are just plain tolerable.

  9. You don’t sound depressed to me, you sound totally normal. I think it’s perfectly fine to not be “carried away” by your baby all the time. Parenting is fucking hard work and sometimes you just need a rest. Normal, normal, normal.


  10. Kirsten Says:

    Don’t worry about not blogging about Chicky. I am sure no one has any doubts about your love for her. I personally love that baby stage the most but there is no right or wrong answer. Everyone is different and some people do not even like kids at all! And I imagine the bond must be different with you and Smarty since you carried him. Chicky will turn into a toddler…lol.

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