two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

sperm comes from b@lls December 17, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:42 am

Yes, indeed.

The day we found out the baby (who I need a new nickname for) was a girl, Smarty asked very insistently how the baby got in Mama’s tummy. The last time he ventured into this subject he was asking me how he came out of my belly. He wondered if there was a “crack down the middle of my tummy.” When I told him that babies usually come out of vagin@s, he said “noooooooooooo!”. I said, “yes, in fact they do. That is where you came out.” He then started *crying*. Through his tears he yelled, “NO mommy not I did NOT come out of your vagin@, I didn’t.”

He cried more.

I felt like such an asshole. Obviously I was traumatizing my kid, but I wasn’t going to lie to him. I refuse. I picked him up and comforted him, and after a while he calmed down and asked, “is there a hole in your vagin@?” I mean seriously. He was 2 1/2. I was terrified this information was going to end up at preschool…how his mommy told him all about the hole in her vagin@. But I answered “yes” and grimaced, waiting for the meltdown but he just said “okay” then asked “did the hole get really big?” I nodded. He nodded. Apparently, if there is a hole, the entire thing is fine.

I digress. This time he was asking how the baby got in there. We tried the whole ‘the baby grew in there isn’t that cool’ avoidance answer, but that doesn’t work with him. So we looked at each other, shrugged, and told him. These conversations always happen at very random moments, like in the car. Like when I was driving alone with him a few months ago and he pipes up with “why don’t I have a daddy?” But I digress, again.

So we told him that women have eggs and men have sperm and the sperm has to fertilize the egg, in the woman’s body (this was not the time for an IVF lesson). Then the baby grows from that egg. The end, right? Nope.

Smarty: “how did you get the sperm in her body?”

Us: [you see I want to avoid the vagina talk with him] “Our friend Rocket Man helped us by giving us sperm.”

Smarty: “But where did you put it?”

Us: [holding breath] “In her vagina, then the sperm swam up into her uterus, which is in her tummy.”

Smarty: “Yeah but how did you carry the sperm to Mama?”

Us: “We put it in a cup.”

Smarty: “yeah, I bet the sperm would fit in there.”

[Long pause. maybe we’re done?]

Smarty: “where does the man’s sperm com from?”

Us: [Seriously? Haven’t we had enough difficult surprise questioning?] “Um, sperm comes from…balls.”

Smarty: “oh.”


And it’s finally over.


18 Responses to “sperm comes from b@lls”

  1. dayzofrain Says:

    ok..I am admittedly a lurker who loves to read your blog but this one was too funny to pass up commenting on!!

    Kudo’s to you for tellin him like it is….and for sharing it. I really needed the giggle

  2. Susan Says:

    Oh my…

    Well…he could always watch American Pie…thats where they put their sperm too…in a cup 🙂

  3. Chicory Says:

    That is a hilarious story. You actually had me laughing at my desk. But I should be taking notes as eventually Sassa’s going to start asking these questions…

  4. Lynn Says:

    You are such a great role model to all moms to be, current moms, and hopeful non current moms!

  5. amy Says:

    hilarious story!

  6. j Says:

    I’d love to know how he understands balls. Because he is a genius. So you know it has to make sense, somewhere.

  7. oneofhismoms Says:

    Sooooo glad Cakie is not yet as inquisitive as your little one. LOL.

  8. Calliope Says:

    cracking up.
    & you did such a great job of explaining. wow! I may need you to get on the phone with GM at some point 😉

  9. kjandthekids Says:

    This be honest for the childrens sake sucks ass right ?

  10. TTC4years Says:

    I love your kid- he cracks me up beyond all belief… I think if you ever get him a chemistry set, you better watch out.. he may create some wild and crazy thing..

  11. nycphoenix Says:

    ok does he thinks b@lls such as his biological ones or does he think his soccer b@ll can get his mother pregnant? Either way, a great story!

  12. meanmama Says:

    Heh! Hilarious!

    And good job too! As much as I think my parents didn’t do an A#1 job in other aspects of my life, I think they did great with telling me the facts of life. I was very little when they told me. I just kind of remember being in their bed on a weekend morning and talking about it. I was so young that I just kind of always “knew.” It never seemed like a big deal or particularly interesting from then on. I think it’s better to tell them when they’re little. They get less grossed out.

  13. tbean Says:

    My wife and I were laughing so hard we were crying at this post. You are one cool cat under pressure! LM is hilarious!

  14. Kim Says:

    You are fabulous, absolutely fabulous. 😀

  15. Becky Says:

    We faced a similar question when I got pregnant with Alex. Ben, who was then just 5 asked some pointed questions. So we bought him a book called “It Wasn’t The Stork” which broke it down pretty well for him.

    Because he is a true music fanatic, he put what the book said to song. For months afterwards, he would occasionally belt out a lil’ ditty we liked to call “Ben Was The Sperm That Got Through.”

    Kids are hilariously awesome.

  16. Lo Says:

    Actually, sperm comes from seminal vesicles. I learned that in 8th grade health class, and made my Dad quiz me for the test. With the diagram. *That* was a moment. But, developmentally speaking, I am impressed with Smarty. I am not real sure my 7th graders know about the balls.

  17. k77 Says:

    Nicely done 🙂

  18. Clare Says:

    Good questions and good answers…

    But I am sorry to tell you as the mother of an 8 year old boy …. it doesn’t end there – this is just the beginning.

    Glad little Missy in there is doing well too

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