two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

here she is December 12, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 8:30 pm

Note that she is grabbing her leg and pulling it forward. Look at the foot! We think she is sassy.

Check out the pursed lips.

This totally fucking cracks me up. Look at the “label” that Bossy Ultrasound Chick wrote in the upper left corner.

After the big ultrasound with Smarty (my new name for LM) we went to the beach. It was mid day and all the sea creatures (a whale -really!, dolphins, a sea otter, seals and all the sea bird imaginable) came out to greet us. So did a full regatta. It rocked. S and I remember the day so vividly. I cried through the ultrasound (60% sad/40% amazed) but when we got to the beach it melted away and everything felt right.

This time we went shopping. I have been dying to buy some girl clothes. But by the time we got to the store (g@p) I was loosing interest. The girl clothes seemed frilly and expensive. There was nothing in the sale rack that spoke to me. The baby’s gender suddenly seemed very unimportant.

Next we went to a modern gift store with a small but fabulous baby section. Didn’t buy anything there either. I didn’t even buy a pair of tights.

I wished we had gone to the beach. I wished that I had not been so fixated on having a girl. Who cares about the effing clothes? Whatever. I actually felt a little sad (I know!) that the baby was not a boy. Before you slam your laptop shut in outrage at my ungratefulness, let me say that I am anything but ungrateful.

I feel so fucking happy to have an alive, healthy baby that I just don’t care as much as I thought I would that it is a girl. I think some of my gender obsession was real, but probably a good deal of it was just a place for my anxiety to land.

I think when one is used to TTC disappointment, and deadbaby sadness (ours and stuff like seeing WTF’s baby born dead), one is not prepared for good news. What does one do with uncomplicated, great news? It is unfuckingbelievable.

You know what else? I’M FIERCELY HAPPY TO BE DONE (knock on everything) TRYING TO CONCEIVE. So happy to be 1/2 way through what will be (hopefully) our final pregnancy.

It is the most relaxing exhale, ever. Well, that’s not true. That will happen when we have this little girl wrapped in a hospital blanket burrito swaddle, in our arms.


6 Responses to “here she is”

  1. 😀 ultrasoud of my son, he was playing with his dinky. Go figger!

    I certainly understand your relief and your joy. And she IS gorgoeous!

    If yall go to the beach, pick me up! I could use a day out of here and it has been ages .

    The ocean brings me joy! So does your post.

  2. Susan Says:

    She is practicing her yoga already! Too cute!

    I completely get what you mean about being happy its a girl…but disappointed it wasn’t a boy. I don’t know why I get it…but I do 🙂

    Oh, and your daughter is SO CUTE ALREADY!!!

  3. cooler*doula Says:

    “I think some of my gender obsession was real, but probably a good deal of it was just a place for my anxiety to land.”

    This makes total sense. Go Yoga Baby!

  4. Calliope Says:

    totally a yogi!

    those are some beautiful photos.

  5. megan Says:

    one of our u/s pics of quinn shows her leg outstretched, with her toes up by her head. a sign of sass? yep, i’d say so! and quinn is an aries–i think yours will be too?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s