two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

2 days and counting the minutes December 9, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 9:11 pm

i have never anticipated an event like i am anticipating this gender determining ultrasound. the closer we get the more i am admitting how badly i want a girl. i don’t wish LM was a girl. i know i will love whoever this baby is, but i wantwantwant a daughter and i wantwantwant to be done TTC forever and ever. and honestly? i just want something about this whole fucking process to be in my control, to be easy, to be what I WANT. me me me. what i want. please? ridiculous, i know. whiny too. but whatever. i can’t help it.

S and i had a lovely fight about this yesterday. i need to be able to be sad if it is a boy (for a while, much like i did when we found out LM was a boy). S takes me being sad as a rejection of the baby she is carrying. i take that to imply this is her baby and somehow i should feel differently about it because she is carrying it. blah blah, fight ensues. we worked it out, but navigating these very delicate feelings is tricky. jesus.h. i am so grateful we have some communication skills or it would have turned ugly.


8 Responses to “2 days and counting the minutes”

  1. Have you all had any thoughts or dreams yet about the gender? Sending you lots and lots of healthy babydust, and for you and your partner to be happy no matter the outcome. My step-sister adopted her first son b/c she could not get pregnant, 6 months later, she got pregnant and had a boy. The third time she got pregnant, she wanted a girl so badly and the day of the U/S, she found out, it was a boy. And she cried and she cried and she said, “well, apparently I need to just stick with the boys so they will always have each other to play with and what would i do with a girl anyway?” And that was that and her boys are just adorable. Best of luck to ya!!

  2. Bri Says:

    I dreamed it was a girl and it wasn’t, so I don’t buy that.

    I wanted to know gender asap because I, too, needed to mourn and be sad. And Wes was OK with that. And yet… when I actually found out he was a boy, I was FAR less mournful than I expected. I had a few moments of feeling sad, but it was SO much more low key than I thought it would be. I felt sort of shocked. And the acceptance was way quicker and easier than I imagined. In the end, it felt like he was my baby and it was sort of… rude to him or something…? to fuss about it. We ended up discussing more than mourning.

    I know some people really do have full on cry-fests about this, and if you do that will be fine. But just know that it may also be mellower and less fight-inducing than that. It was just so cool to see him at the 20 week anatomy scan and I fell in love with his little feet and his gorgeous beating heart and his beautiful multi-hemisphered, healthy brain.

  3. Co Says:

    If this baby is a boy and you need to mourn that, you should. It’s the healthy thing to do. But it might be most helpful to do it outside of S.’s presence as much as possible. Talk to us in the blogosphere or to others in your life about it. As much as you might like to share that with S., I can see how she could feel sensitive about it being some sort of rejection of the baby she is carrying, even though deep down she knows how much both of you truly love this baby.

    Good luck.

  4. Calliope Says:

    I want you to have a girl too!!!!!!!!

    hurry up scan! hurry!

    Either way- it is going to be a kick ass kid. You just don’t make them any other way.

  5. cooler*doula Says:

    It’s totally normal to mourn the gender you didn’t get – but it doesn’t mean you’re mourning the baby you are going to have. My midwife put it better, but it has been a while since that conversation.

    I was convinced girl (accompanied by MANY dreams) on both occasions – and here we are – expecting baby boy #2. So much for *my* intuition…

  6. complicatedmama Says:

    oh ugh.

  7. ethansmama Says:

    delurking to say I know how you feel. I found out with baby #1 that he was a boy and I cried, I really wanted a girl. I knew myself well enough to know that I needed to know the gender before the birth, to allow myself time to adjust to the fact of the gender. with baby #2 it was the same a boy, I cried more, since I didn’t think we would have more. I got pg when #2 was 1yo and it was finally a girl. I was so excited. I’m not saying I didn’t or don’t love my boys, but when you have it in your mind about something, and it turns out different, you just need a little time to adjust to the reality, and who wants to be sad when their baby is born? 10 years later we decided to have another, it’s a boy, and now that my kids are 15, 12, and 10. I am so glad #4 is a boy, becasue the boys have been so much easier to parent!!

  8. indigoscot Says:

    dp was 100% sure our son was a boy. we didn’t find out at the gender scan because it’s my family tradition to wait…so then i went through a panic period when i thought crap what if it’s a girl, i already have the mindset it’s a boy and now i really, really want a boy. eventually i gave myself a talking to and decided i didn’t care as long as it was a healthy baby. of course, it ended up being a boy! 🙂 you’ll be fine, just don’t freak out around S. if it is a boy…

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