two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

crosses and paintings December 5, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 11:59 am

We had to go to see S’s Christian grandparents the day after Thanksgiving. This adjective warrants bold type because I need to highlight their Christianness. They have turned into “love everyone” Christians in recent years, so it is tolerable to be around them, but it wasn’t always. When S was growing up they were fundamentalists, talking shit on gay people, and everyone was going to hell for just breathing. Really. The grandpa got kicked out of the church eldership because S’s mom got a divorce.

You know the internalized homophobic voice we all have in our head? S’s comes directly, explicitly from them. Nothing was implied. They told her that gay people were going to hell. They told S’s brother many years ago not to marry a college girl because that is where they learn about lesbianism.


The grandma is so intense she would have absolutely been the coven leader in another life.

Presently she is part of a more “loving” church and has mellowed a great deal. Somehow she is very loving and accepting of me and LM. She sends me birthday presents. She always sends LM gifts and cards. She is a talented artist, and is more spry than her kids and she’s well into her 80’s. She paints four paintings a week.

But damn that woman has an edge. Freaky. Her house is full of her watercolors…and crosses. Not bloody Jesus crosses but decopage ones. Crosses made of ceramic hearts. Crosses, paintings and large canvases filled with scripture in calligraphy. But she never mentions religion to me anymore.

During our visit she asked us to choose a painting. I picked a beautiful watercolor of a California road. Now I have to decide what to do with it. I’m conflicted because on the one hand I truly hate her. I am also fascinated by her. I know that my wonderful S’s artistic talent comes straight from her. S’s mom is an art teacher and has an MA in fine arts. S is a computer artist. Three generations of women who are professional artists. I like the watercolor.

Anyway, I don’t know yet what I will do with the painting, or what the point of this post is. No idea.


3 Responses to “crosses and paintings”

  1. Calliope Says:

    Conflicting indeed. I think, if pressed, so many of us would admit to having grandparents or elderly relatives that have freaky deaky views on the world and the people in it. Some truly believe it and others are products of a generation of taught opression and hate.

    It sounds like while S’s grandmother is a card carrying member of some extreme beliefs she has also unfrozen a bit of herself in order to see how special you & LM are & acknowledge that you are a family.

    I think talking about the scary place that many of us have come from is great. There was a time when my GM was a bit of a racist – in the way that 99% of the women of her class were in her small southern town. It doesn’t excuse it one bit, but I am glad to have seen the evolution of her fear (& it was fear).

    This woman is SO not who you are or who S is…but it is where she came from and to see the growth of a family line as far as tolerance and acceptance is pretty amazing.


  2. Mama2BandT Says:

    I have to agree w/ Calli I think most of us (especially those of us in the South) have THOSE relatives…until my wife’s dad died (recently) we had been kicked out of the family upon their learning that the two lesbians were pg w/ a child…

  3. TTC4years Says:

    My family could not be more racist or sexually judgemental. It has not had much of an effect on my choices in life- a few years in California helped that. I just call them on it whenever they start up with their slurs. They usually let it go and I dont have to be exposed to it.
    There are some folks at work that play the same little games and I call them on it too. It shuts them up pretty well.
    As for the painting- maybe you can put it in your bathroom.. tee heee heee.

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