Tomorrow we have our monthly prenatal appointment where we will discuss, for the 3rd time, getting an amnio. S is totally in the middle. I am leaning towards doing it. But honestly my feelings about terminating are changing as S’s belly gets bigger
and Space Monkey has graduated to an ‘apple’. An apple. Termination at this point just makes my blood run cold. It didn’t at 12 weeks, but it does now. Anyway, I think I want/need to just know. But it is up to S and she is characteristically undecided.
Thursday is the 3rd part of the quad screen, another blood test. Results will come during Thanksgiving week, at which point we will make our final decision regarding the amnio, which will happen (if it does) at 18 weeks, and we will have the results at 20 weeks. I have seen a baby (WTF’s, now known as Complicated Mama) born dead at 22 weeks, and I must tell you that it was a baby, not a fetus, not kinda-mostly-a-baby, but an entire baby. So I know, for us (my language, for me and S only), that termination at 20 weeks would be killing a baby. Killing it because we didn’t want to deal with it’s disability. It just makes me want to puke all over the keyboard.
Ugly. Anyway. Tomorrow we get to (knock on wood – there is no way I’m taking that for granted) hear the heartbeat. Oh! S felt the baby move the other day. Then again yesterday. She said it felt like a tiny fish making a sharp turn. I think that is EXACTLY what it feels like.
pee ess: thanks for all the website advice!