No pics of my cake yet. It is very weird to have no pics…it is as if it just vanished. But is should have some later this afternoon.
In pregnancy news, we are approaching 16 weeks next Thursday (what? us? seriously?), which is the time for big blood test number 2 which combines with big blood test number 1 and the nuchal ultrasound to give us a revised downs statistic. We then need to decide about the freaking amnio situation.
Please tell me how this test was for you. S is scared about it, but neither of us know whether we can hang the whole pregnancy not knowing. Just so you know, termination is a possibility for us, although that thought is completely beyond dreadful. But it might not be as dreadful as a special needs kid. I say this because I think if one would not consider termination, one should probably not get an amnio. I also know that this is a sensitive topic.
I felt differently when I was pregnant. We were sure we would not terminate. We couldn’t bear the thought. That was before parenthood. That was before I knew what I was made of. I know now how insanely hard parenthood is, and I just don’t think S and I can hang with a special needs kid if we have a choice. If I sound defensive, it is because I am defensive. It is not popular to say that you would terminate (read kill) a baby. Our baby. This baby. If it is retarded. I honestly don’t know what I would do. But I know that I would at least consider all the options. Our doctor is surprisingly non-judgmental, compassionate and articulate about this issue and has been some comfort to us.
Anyway, the blood test is in a week and a half, and I guess we wait about a week for the results. Then we make the decision late in week 16, beginning of week 17 about the amnio. Should we schedule it just in case so we are not scrambling for one when we get shitty test results? Lord help us if we are faced with pregnancy termination at 17 weeks. That is so god awful I can hardly think about it.
Jesus.h. Let me count the reasons why I HATE people with blissful pregnancies.
But tell me…Was it scary? Was it okay? Are you glad you did it? Will we be able to hang not knowing?