two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

still no pics, and OMG we have to decide about tests November 6, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:22 am

No pics of my cake yet. It is very weird to have no pics…it is as if it just vanished. But is should have some later this afternoon.

In pregnancy news, we are approaching 16 weeks next Thursday (what? us? seriously?), which is the time for big blood test number 2 which combines with big blood test number 1 and the nuchal ultrasound to give us a revised downs statistic. We then need to decide about the freaking amnio situation.

Please tell me how this test was for you. S is scared about it, but neither of us know whether we can hang the whole pregnancy not knowing. Just so you know, termination is a possibility for us, although that thought is completely beyond dreadful. But it might not be as dreadful as a special needs kid. I say this because I think if one would not consider termination, one should probably not get an amnio. I also know that this is a sensitive topic.

I felt differently when I was pregnant. We were sure we would not terminate. We couldn’t bear the thought. That was before parenthood. That was before I knew what I was made of. I know now how insanely hard parenthood is, and I just don’t think S and I can hang with a special needs kid if we have a choice. If I sound defensive, it is because I am defensive. It is not popular to say that you would terminate (read kill) a baby. Our baby. This baby. If it is retarded. I honestly don’t know what I would do. But I know that I would at least consider all the options. Our doctor is surprisingly non-judgmental, compassionate and articulate about this issue and has been some comfort to us.

Anyway, the blood test is in a week and a half, and I guess we wait about a week for the results. Then we make the decision late in week 16, beginning of week 17 about the amnio. Should we schedule it just in case so we are not scrambling for one when we get shitty test results? Lord help us if we are faced with pregnancy termination at 17 weeks. That is so god awful I can hardly think about it.

Jesus.h. Let me count the reasons why I HATE people with blissful pregnancies.

But tell me…Was it scary? Was it okay? Are you glad you did it? Will we be able to hang not knowing?


13 Responses to “still no pics, and OMG we have to decide about tests”

  1. jennifer Says:

    It wasn’t bad at all. I was scared, of pain, of m/c, but the procedure itself caused not an iota of pain. And I had to have it done twice, since I had twins.

    I wanted one but my girlfriend said why bother amnd when she heard my doctor say it was not needed, my gf said let’s skip it. So we did. Then the next day a sonogram revealed cysts on both babies’ brains. They got all freaked out and next day I was in there getting an amnio. Thank god everything was fine but I was SO relieved for the rest of the pregnancy knowing that all was chromosomally ok. If you do get the amnio, I would get the FISH test too. It tests for only 5 chromosomes….but it rules out trisomies (including downs). Plus, you get the results from FISH in like 48 hours. As opposed to TWO freeking long weeks. Maybe make the appt. since you can always cancel it the day before.

  2. bleu Says:

    I would not terminate so I did not and would not have an amnio. That said I do get it for others. One thing I think is another consideration, however, is could you live with yourself if you lost the baby from the amnio? I was at $ Tree the other day and the girl checking me out was asking if I was pregnant (I was buying HPT’s). I said I was TTC, she said good luck, she had lost a baby less than a year ago. I said I was so sorry. She said she lost it from an amnio. This was a young girl and I have no idea why she had one. She was the first person I have met to have that loss. I just think that really thinking about every angle is the best way to make a decision.

    Good luck.

  3. byrdlady Says:

    i don’t have any advice on this subject, but i do understand how scary it can be…
    i just want to say congrats and yipee on approaching 16 weeks!

  4. cooler*doula Says:

    Ugh. I hate that it takes so freaking long to get a possible diagnosis. Facing a termination at 17 weeks makes my, and I know, your blood run cold.

    (I know one can get a CVS earlier – but they’re not as commonly offered, more risk, operator skill important etc, etc.)

    I would say, if a diagnosis is important, make the appointment for the amnio. Because if a diagnosis is what you feel you need, all the stats in the world aren’t going to give you one.

    All the best on this harrowing freaking decision.

  5. Bri Says:

    Amnio was not a big deal. It hurt a gazillion times less than deadbabysucking. The needle didn’t hurt – I have heard that it hurts much worse if they try to numb you so maybe skip that. The procedure feels like what it is – pressure from someone sucking out a bunch of fluid. It kind of takes your breath away with strangeness and discomfort but not really pain. It is over really quickly.

    I honestly don’t know how anyone makes it through pregnancy without one. Best feeling in the world when results were good.

  6. Kim_m_kk Says:

    For sure ask for FISH if you get the amnio. this gives you the results for down syndrome and a few other things in 24-48 hours. I had cvs…but same sort of thing. We did it because we to would have considered termination. It turns out we didn’t have to as test came back “normal”

  7. jay Says:

    Um, what exactly do you mean by “retarded”? We don’t use that word in the UK, so am unsure.

  8. Definitely make the appointment.

    Both Homestead Mama and I each had an amnio, for similar reasons to yours. We really liked the process in retrospect – anticipation was a bitch. It is preceded by the longest and best ultrasound ever, and that is a joy to sit through. We brought a videotape on the off chance they were set up to tape it, and were rewarded with a few minutes of video of the u/s. Not the whole half hour, mind you – liability or some such excuse – but with even 4 minutes of the little bugger flipping around you can replay it until it seems like an hour’s worth, especially to your family and friends (ahem).

    My first u/s tech was a dud, so I annoyed her with questions about the info she wasn’t offering, forcing her to tell me what was happening, OMG what the hell was THAT floating by on the screen, is that normal, etc. The second one was super, and the doc who performed the actual amnio was super both times. (By the way, if they move the wand around really fast, it isn’t because they are worried and can’t find the fetus. It is likely because the fetus is so in motion that she has to zip around to get any images of it.)

  9. kjandthekids Says:

    I watched an Oprah years and years ago when I was starting on the TTC road. She had a stage full of women who admitted like you..that they could not handle a special needs child and chose to terminate when they got bad test results. The 2nd part of the show were women who also got bad test results but chose to keep their babies. all of which were born completely normal and healthy.
    I PRAY that you will not be faced with this decision.
    I PRAY that your results come back and comfort you if you do decide to go forward with the amnio.

    I personally know a girl who was told her baby was downs. She is a perfecly healthy 1 year old girl. I worked with her. it wasn’t someone I saw on TV.

    I also know someone who’s sister is being faced with the WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME for her baby. MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR problems. IF they are lucky the baby will die at birth. 1/2 a brain, water on the brain. The doctors said this is the worst case of the disease they’ve ever seen.
    She has decided to go forward and welcome her baby for whatever time she has with her.
    Her husband wanted to terminate as soon as they knew that their baby would not have a full life.
    I completely understand both positions.

  10. I have been reading your blog and I for one appreciate your candor regarding your mixed feelings about having a special needs child. My aunt and uncle raised a wonderful son with CP, but I know myself, and I could not have done the same. Also, while I was one of those folks with a completely uncomplicated PHYSICAL pregnancy, I spent 9 months in a deep depression because I did not want to have a child and felt I had been emotionally blackmailed into it. Trust me, even with all your ups and downs, it’s obvious that you guys are together in this, loving and supporting one another and you WANT to do it, neither of you has been FORCED into it. That is THE worst. I’m rooting for you!


  11. Brooke Says:

    I can totally understand your position. Having a child with special needs terrifies me – even though I worked with special needs kids for years and it was wonderful, the idea of having a daughter or son with real problems does scare me.

    But, at the same time, I have to refer to my own experiences and friends experiences. 2 of my close friends have CP. One very very mild, who has just required some special care at birth and a couple of surgeries on her hips throughout the years. Other than that she is the smartest person I know, and you would never know aside from a slight limp that she ever had any problem.

    I’ve also known a number of people personally who had bad results and ultrasounds showing abnormalities, but who chose not to terminate – and gave birth to perfectly healthy babies with no problems. The problem is that prenatal testing is not 100% and they cant be sure of anything.

    All that being said, my partner has said that if our results were bad she would want to consider termination.

    Sorry this goes back and forwards so much, I guess its one of those things I am not decided on, we were lucky that aside from our baby being very small for its age, it appears healthy. I sincerely hope that your results are good and you dont need to do the amnio. Personally the risk of miscarriage was too much for me and I dotn know if I could have gone ahead with it.

    Best of luck


  12. lagiulia Says:

    With the twins, I did not have any tests beyond the nuchal. For any subsequent kids I would/will have an amnio. That’s because I don’t have confidence in taking care of a child with serious health problems on top of taking care of my other two. I am well aware that things can go wrong beyond what the amnio will show. After all, my one son spent his whole first year having tests, visiting the hospital, and even having a surgery. I’m pretty sure that none of his problems would have shown up in an amnio, nor did they show up on any of the 2 million ultrasounds we had. However, I think I would want to know the next time time if something were obviously wrong.
    I’m not telling you what to do, just sharing my perspective. The first time around, I felt confident I had everything to give to my soon-to-be babies, regardless of their needs. I think that was true. The next time around, I know I won’t have everything to give, because a lot of what I have to give is already being given, you know? Sure, when unpredictable, bad things happen, we all find that reserve from which to operate. But I don’t want to have to, if I can avoid it.
    And of course, if you do find there is something wrong, your decision on what to do may vary according to what the problem is. You will still have options. Good luck. It’s a tough call.

  13. lagiulia Says:

    ps- I know a woman who lost her twins because of an amnio. I couldn’t get over that for years, and I said “never.” But since then, I’ve know a lot more people who have had them and have been fine, so I would do it now.

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