What the eff do I do? I am having a very hard time believing that people will pay me 200-800 per cake. I have my first cake commission today, for a friend of a friend and it is a weird spiritual cake that I probably won’t post pictures of (for her privacy), but it is the 1st time I am getting paid. I am charging $60. I know. Not even barely enough, but this woman is on a fixed income, and I’m too nice.
The truth? I’m not believing in myself. I mean, I agree with other people that the cakes are amazing, but I do not have faith, at all, that people are going to commission me, and pay me well. One needs this faith when one starts a business. One needs faith and balls. For those of you who know me I am a very confident (I fake it well) outgoing person, so one would think I would have all the self esteem necessary to be entrepreneurial. S-o-o-o-o-o not the case. I can’t even spell entrepreneurial.
Yet, the reality of this pregnancy, and the following turths are sitting on me all day latey:
1. we are in massive debt
2. we can barely afford our house and need to refi but can’t until I pull in some income
3. we have no savings for reduced pay or maternity leave for S
4. I really truly do not have a job
5. Seriously, I don’t have a job
6. I completely freeze up and read blogs when I should be job searching (for my master’s degree semi-profession where I get paid crap at an agency or paid well by private clients that I would have to somehow get), or starting a cake business (without any balls or faith).
7. Did I mention the debt? It is approaching 6 figures if one counts my student loan. Yup. Seriously.
8. Did I mention that I completely freeze up and can’t even make a job to do list?
9. Did I mention that it looks like another baby will be here in 6 months?
Here is me, typing whilst FREAKING OUT and then becoming totally paralyzed, freezing up and pretending that I did not just reveal all of that.