For next Monday.
Dr. PSS is fitting us in between clients. I’m feeling a little guilty about it, actually. S does not really want to have the ultrasound (she’s concerned about doing so many ultrasounds and how it might effect the baby). I know that ultrasounds are considered “safe” but obstetrics organizations do, in fact, recommend them only when medically necessary, and there have been some rat studies indicating that ultrasounds can be harmful in large doses. My point is that S is not crazy for being concerned, even though it is probably fine.
The truth is, I need to see what is happening in there. We scheduled the nuchal translucency (big ultrasound and blood test combo where they give you statistics for your risk of downs and some trisomies.) for 12w1d, which is 3 weeks from Friday (almost a month!) and I don’t know that I can hang that long for a peek inside.
Next Monday will be 9w4d, and I know that bad shit can happen after that, but for some reason I don’t feel as worried after 10 weeks. The only reason I am worried is that WTF had a miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks (they found dead baby at 11 1/2 week ultrasound), and we have half the same genetic material as she did. This totally freaks me out.
S mentioned the other day that she has a touch of ultrasoud PTSD. I do too. Too many questionable ultrasounds, the dead baby ultrasound. We no longer go into an ultrasound expecting to be reassured. I don’t know why I want one next week then…I guess I just can’t stand the thought of waiting until 12 weeks only to find out that the baby is dead and has been for three weeks. I truly thought this pregnancy would be more fun. I was afraid that I would be afraid the whole time, but I suppose I thought it would be wrong. That excitement would take over. That despite myself I would enjoy this pregnancy dammit. Instead S feels like shit, we have been sick twice (being sick with a child, and a pregnant wife is fodder for its own post, certainly), and after each ultrasound we hope to be reassured, but instead we get confusing information that is not entirely reassuring. This pregnancy has been scary and long.
So, Monday. Monday is in 5 days.