two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

making up… June 4, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 10:27 am

…is hard to do.


We had lunch and a 3 hour talk, in the park, with S’s brother (UD) and his wife (H). A few months ago we decided after MUCH painful deliberation to get me pregnant, asked them to donate again, and they basically said NO without explanation. We have not seen or spoken to H in six months! Anyway, long story short: we worked it out-ish. It was a good start, we cried, we were honest, and I was able to see the whole thing from all of our perspectives. One of the things we all agreed on is what a terrible communicator UD is about all things emotional.


Forgiveness is a bitch.

Beforehand it feels insurmountable and VERY unappealing to me. It feels like giving up, like condoning someone’s bad behavior, like saying to the world “step all over me please” because I will forgive you anyway.


In reality, once I forgive, I can see how utterly exhausting it is to hate someone. But I can’t do it until I’m ready. And the time it takes me to be ready gets less and less as I get older. Thank heavens.


I still don’t entirely trust UD and H, but the repairing has begun. For those of you who were around when the shit with them was going down, you know what a big deal this meeting was. S put it in perspective last night when she said that our experience with them was worse than the miscarriage for her. Yeah.


S’s D&C follow up appointment is today. Thank you all for your info, website suggestions ans reasurrances. Hopefully we will get more info from Dr. PSS today.


5 Responses to “making up…”

  1. Calliope Says:

    w o w
    soooo effing amazing that you guys were able to sit down and start to reconnect. I know the drama was gut-wrenching at the time and I know you will always have the taste of that…but the forgiving & moving on part is huge. soooo glad for you guys.
    I’ll be thinking of you at the appt. today. Will you find out a “why” today?

  2. bri Says:

    I am impressed and glad that you were able to start talking to them.

    I am also constantly amazed by how totally different the whole m/c process is for various people. Actually, all of the ttc processes. There doesn’t seem to be any agreement in the world, no one way of doing things. No wonder it’s so effing confusing for us all. We are all told different things by our medical professionals! Anyway, it’s cool that she has a follow-up so soon. Mine was 3 weeks later! I assume the chromosome testing takes longer, though, right? Thinking of you.

  3. j Says:

    woah. That’s HUGE. HUGE. I’m glad you’ve been able to start this process. And…you know I’m rooting for a very good appointment this afternoon.

  4. Lo Says:

    That’s brave and committed stuff to hash through it all with them. Sounds painful, but clearly important in the long run (I’m thinking of LM…I mean, and also, UD is S’s brother and all).

    FWIW, I have a friend who miscarried and then got a BFP 5 weeks later. Wild. But apparently possible.

  5. parodie Says:

    Forgiveness is hard… your post made me think of a song by the Wyrd Sisters called “The Edge of Grace”. If you’re interested, lyrics are here:

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