dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

when can we get this party started? May 22, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 11:24 pm

WHEN CAN WE TRY AGAIN???? We don’t want time to grieve. S is beyond ready. Me too. BTW we are feeling almost OK. S took the day off and we had a lovely day today. I am tempted to question how good we are doing, but I don’t want to scare it off. S feels physically fine today, and emotionally well. I think the idea of trying again is giving us hope. I am almost hopeful. Thank you for all of your support. A post is brewing about the copious gratitude I have for all of you internets.

.
Dr. PSS says technically we should wait 2-3 cycles, but if we want to wait for 1 menstrual cycle it is fine with her, as long as S takes really good care of herself. This means that we would wait for her period to come, start Clomid a few days later then try to inseminate during that ovulation.

Although this sounds perfectly reasonable, it also means waiting until JULY. Or even AUGUST if her period comes in 6 weeks, rather than four, which is entirely possible.

.

Here is the information I have gathered so far:

1. Everyone who has a miscarriage is lumped into the same category, regardless of how they got pregnant, how old the baby was, and what type of miscarriage they had.

2. The phrase “give your body time to recover” is used A LOT, but is never clarified. Sometimes there is mention that the lining needs to build up, and the hormones need to regulate, and these are the only two reasons that make any sense to me at all. Other reasons like it being hard to know when you will ovulate, not having a LMP (last menstrual period) date by which to monitor the pregnancy, all sound like stupid reasons to wait.

3. S and I are not feeling the need to give ourselves time to grieve. Although this is appropriate for many women, it is not appropriate for us.

4. Our acupuncturist said that many times women are ready to try again the next time they ovulate (before a period) as long as they have a proper lining, and they are strong. She said that S’s pregnancy did not last long enough to deplete S of nutrients, so she can try again whenever she wants to.

5. The home birth midwife called us today (we had an appointment which we canceled yesterday, duh.) Anyway, it was very kind of her to call. I asked what she thought about the timing of trying again. She sees no reason in our case to wait for a period before trying. She only recommends that if the pregnancy is further along when it terminates, if the woman has a lot of blood loss, or is weak or ill (or of course not emotionally ready). She also said that the uterus recovers very quickly.

.

I’m not sure what to think. It certainly makes the whole thing more tolerable to think about insemming in 2-3 weeks.  I see no reason based on my research to wait as long as S’s lining looks ok. Doctors used to say wait, but I think REs are leaning towards not waiting anymore because there isn’t any empirical evidence that the next pregnancy is more likely to end. Right? I am still open to what my doctor says, but if she talks vaguely about S’s body needing to “recover” I’ll have trouble heeding her advice.

What do you think ladies? Personal experience? Your friends? Medical info?

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22 Responses to “when can we get this party started?”

  1. I think having one period before trying means you know for sure the lining is good… I mean, it probably is, but will you worry…?

    but the main thing for me is that if you try right away, then if it doesn’t work, when you see the blood at the end of the cycle, it’s like the second half of the mc, esp when you had a d&c so it’s all a bit unreal. And so there’s a lot of grief suddenly wells out.

    But that’s probably OK if you know to be ready for it..?

  2. jenny Says:

    Well… we had to wait since I had special nasty miscarriages involving major surgery and/or horrid drugs that needed to get out of my body before I became pregnant again. However, I will say that from lurking on the loss boards on FF that the vast majority of women on there do not wait. They just basically refuse to use birth control, and say oops to their ob if they fall pregnant immediately. Some of them believe that they are more fertile immediately after a miscarriage.

    Just thought I’d pass that on.

  3. frog Says:

    I have no advice, just wanted to comment and say that I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well and ready for whatever’s next. I’m very excited for you!

  4. Amy Says:

    Glad you guys are healing so well…

    My RE was willing to go again as soon as I had my next period- I had two m/c, one natural and one D&C, and both times he was fine with it. He said that honestly, waiting is really about the mother’s mental health and not the body. As soon as the lining builds back up, you can go again. Supposedly you are more fertile in the next few cycles after a m/c because of a few lingering hormones, I believe.

    I wish you guys all the best.

  5. Katiealex Says:

    Hi, a perfect stranger here, I’ve been lurking on your blog for a month or two (since just after you found out your partner was pregnant in fact) and I feel very sorry about your miscarriage.

    I just wanted to reiterate what Jenny said…that (anecdotally) I have heard several stories, of close friends of mine who fell pregnant with their children the next cycle after having a miscarriage. One of my friends did it twice! (one m/c, then eldest son, then another m/c eighteen months later, then youngest son). She was 38 when she fell pregnant the third and fourth times, btw. In all cases, a fairly early pregnancy (less than 8 weeks). Like all anecdotal evidence it’s not terribly reliable but if you want the advice of a total stranger I would get back in the saddle ASAP and go for it, if you are psychologically ready as it sounds like you are.

  6. bri Says:

    We waited 2 periods. We thought about just waiting one but I knew my body wasn’t ready for it. I can’t explain how, exactly – maybe that my temps were whacked for such a long time. I started temping relatively soon after – it took 22 days for my temps to go back down to where they belonged for the first half of a cycle (that’s about how long it took for the HCG to leave my system, too). Nothing made sense as it used to and I got frustrated. This was true not only for the time between MVA and period (45 days for me) but even more so for the next cycle. It was just all messed up for a bit. I didn’t feel like I got a clear thermal shift in the cycle after the miscarriage, and eggwhite was pretty much absent. When I saw how that first complete cycle after the m/c played out, I was really glad we hadn’t decided to try that month.

    Now, we had extremely high stakes with our next try – it was with the LAST vials on earth of our donor, you know. So we were REALLY trying to maximize the possibility of it working. With free sperm, the big risk is your sanity and emotions. It will hurt like a goddamn motherfucker if it doesn’t work right away. Yes, there are people who get pregnant two and three weeks later. But more get pregnant after one or two periods, I am willing to bet. I am pretty sure people do polls on this on FF in the damn Trying After Loss board. I know I have answered a few.

    My advice – keep close tabs on what her body is doing and insem if it is clear that it makes sense to do so. If she has normal, reasonable temps or fertility monitor signs or eggwhite or whatever, then that probably means there’s a shot.

  7. After my first miscarriage I waited one full cycle. This time, I’m taking longer, but not for medical reasons.

    The first time, when I miscarried naturally, I ovulated about 12 days later — right on schedule. This time, I had a D&C, and it’s been three weeks and no ovulation.

    The main reason I’ve heard for waiting is to get the uterine lining to recover. Maybe you can get an ultrasound to check it before insemination?

  8. We chose D&C w/ each m/c to speed up the process so we could get started again as soon as possible. Since we were doing IVF, we did wait one cycle to begin again, to let the meds exit the body and the hormones settle. You’ll know when you are both ready to start again. BTW, my acupuncturist said the same thing yours did, and that advice meshed best w/ my sense of how things were going. Sounds like you are getting good advice, and you just need to assess your own mental health about the issue. It was healthier for me to start again SOON.

  9. Vikki Says:

    I had an early miscarriage and tried again the next cycle without any problems.

  10. amanda Says:

    i certainly understand your desire to get started again. i have never been pregnant, but my mother had miscarriages between all of my siblings and myself. She said she felt like she had lost so much time, and beyond the actual grieving there was this sort of frantic frustration.
    Just follow your hearts, that’s all i can say…
    You know we will all be pulling for a healthy, successful pregnancy. xoxo

  11. Bleu Says:

    With my first m/c I waited three cycles. It was a natural m/c as well. I got pregnant with Bliss the first try back. This time I had the d&c and was told to wait one full cycle which I did. I am now on try #3 after the m/c.

  12. shelli Says:

    I’ve heard that the cycle after a d&c is a good one to try, because the d&c can “get rid of” unhealthy tissue in the uterus, so the lining that builds up is fresher, cleaner, and healthier…

  13. Calliope Says:

    I have no advice so again, I yield to every one else.
    Just wanted to tell you both that I am glad that you are emotionally feeling ‘better’.
    xo

  14. Co Says:

    I don’t have advice.

    But like others, one of my friends had a m/c her first pregnancy. The doctor told her wait 3 months. She didn’t and was pg again within 2 months and had a beautiful baby girl.

  15. Lo Says:

    No intelligent advice. Just that I know I would want to start trying again and given what everyone else says, if you can confirm ovulation in some way it seems like it would be good to go for it.

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling better and I hope it is real. You are brave….I don’t mean that condescendingly.

  16. temmerling Says:

    You’ll know what’s right.

  17. K. Says:

    Not speaking from experience, but I’ve read that after an early loss, the body is primed for pregnancy and many women get pregnant right away. I say go for it when you feel ready.

    -K.

  18. Sandra Says:

    Found you through Jude’s blog – Frankenbaby Chronicles – hope you don’t mind me commenting…

    We lost ours at 6 weeks -in October 2006. The possibility of trying again soon was comforting. Tried again after the first period – which came the end of November 2006. At CD1 REI clinic did some bloodwork to check levels of HSG, prolactin, FSH, etc. to make sure all was well. Went to acupuncture right away (like days after m/c) to get uterus and lining healthy again. Ate well. Got pregnant again (IUI #5). 26 weeks now – hoping all goes well.

    So good luck!

  19. oneofhismoms Says:

    I’m speaking out of my arse, but I say if you want to try, try. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling a little better.

  20. coolerdoula Says:

    I’m in about the same position as you are, just I miscarried on my own and bypassed the D&C.

    I’ve decided to start using the fertility monitor to see if I ovulate. And if I do… Well… Then I’ll consider my options then.

    I do understand the desire, urge even to not wait a minute.

    My midwife got pregnant post miscarriage, pre-period and was fine. She says it wasn’t deliberate, but, I’m not sure I believe her. I mean… If anyone is aware of how the body works…

    I wish you both well. Do what makes sense.

  21. randomstranger Says:

    Hi, random stranger here. Got pregnant the next cycle after my miscarriage, which happened w/o the d&c part.

  22. coolerdoula Says:

    And if you require any further courage in your conviction not to wait, here are some women whose doctors have told them, within weeks of D&C to go ahead…

    http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-ppttcmiss&msg=76211.1&ctx=0


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