two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

“it” May 22, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 11:15 am

To answer your questions: yes, I was in the room with S. It was awful, but I turned my chair away from the vacuum machine of death, so I didn’t see anything. Well, not entirely true. Part of the gory details are that I, (yes, me…ME) had to take the “sample” to the hospital pathology department (5 minute drive) because we did this at my doctor’s office and they don’t have a courier or some shit, and it is very time sensitive to get it to the lab right away, and another reason having to do with insurance. Um, yeah. By the time S was done writhing in pain, and had gotten dressed and peed in the bathroom, the front desk didn’t know where “it” was.

I had to tell them that there was mention of keeping it refrigerated, and in fact she found it in the medical stuff FRIDGE. And I saw her take it out. A bloody lump. Not all baby tissue, I know, but still. This seems entirely unnecessary to me, people. It was far away from me, across the room in fact, thank the fucking lord. But still. STILL.

I mean I should not have looked. I should have waited in the hallway. But COME ON woman. I had to ask this receptionist to PLEASE put it in a bag or something. She put it in a weird makeup bag (maybe a medical sample bag for some medication?) stuffed with tissue. The whole event was very unprofessional. Yet, our doctor is impressing us with her smarts and surprisingly healing bedside manner when things are fucked. So we are staying with them. But I think a phone call describing how unpleasant this was is in order. I mean, S and I are not super attached to the cell lump as our baby, but what if we were? As I type this I’m realizing that this incident was a little scarring for me. Tears feel close to the surface. I just don’t need the image, ya know? I dreamt about it last night. Yuck.

Where was I? Ah, yes, the questions. That was my long winded way of saying that yes, I took the, well “it”, in for a chromosomal analysis and something else where they check to make sure it was not a molar pregnancy. I really have no idea what the chromosomal analysis is testing for, how in depth it is, or what it will end up costing us.

I am nervous to find out what was wrong with “it”, and I REALLY don’t want to know the gender. I am going to have our doctor PLASTER our chart with a warning not to share this info with us. Right now S and I are comfortable thinking about it as “it”, not a baby, and the sex will tip that boat. No thank you.


10 Responses to ““it””

  1. Jude Says:

    Oh my gosh, it is TOTALLY unexcusable for them to have just had the container out like that. You are FAR stronger than I am, because I would have pitched a major fit right then and there, I think.

    A little sensitivity training is in order, I think. I am so sorry you had to deal with that.


  2. Lo Says:

    I just keep saying I’m sorry. And again, I am.
    No, you should NOT have had to deal with that. what is WRONG with people.

  3. Ye gods, badly handled all around. Both my DP and I went through seeing the hb, then a m/c followed by D&C and genetic tissue testing. BUT. Our doc firmly believes in removing pain and discomofort (emotional & physical) from any procedure possible, so we had much less stress than you two did. However, we both found that the genetic testing was really helpful with getting past the whole event. Both of us had a trisomy issue w/ the embryo, which would have rendered it effectively nonviable. This was (oddly) comforting, and allowed us to keep trying for a good egg without wondering if we had done something wrong somehow.

    I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone, and your ordeal with the lack of pain meds & tact, makes me see red – there’s just no reason to have it go that way, it seems more like punishment than treatment. My heart goes out to you both.

  4. Calliope Says:

    what?!?! holy shit. That just pisses me off. It’s one thing to do things in compliance with insurance…but THAT – I just can’t get my head around that you had to DO anything other than be with your wife. That sounds like it was horrible beyond what you wrote and ugh! I just can’t imagine. I’m so so so sorry for the extra salt and vinegar you had to endure.
    oh honey- NONE of this is fair.

  5. holly Says:

    I am sorry. Again. You should not have had to see that.
    I witnessed Lois’ miscarriage at 13 weeks pretty much from beginning to end. Our doctor suggested the “natural” process instead of a D&C and it was absolutely horrible. Plus, we ended up in the hospital 4 weeks later due to complications, but that’s neither here nor there.
    I can try to ease your spirits by telling you that you ladies will move on from this, but it will only be in your own time. Cherish each other for the time being and allow yourselves whatever you need to heal.
    Hold onto each other tightly and don’t be afraid to keep reaching out to your friends.
    Sending love and hugs.
    Holly & Lois

  6. bri Says:

    That is really, really hideous. I just can’t believe it.

    Be aware that with certain genetic things, such as the one we had (triploidy), they may inadvertently give you info about the sex by telling you it’s XXY or whatever. I actually found that more than one doctor after this actually asked me which kind of triploidy it was so I did sort of need to know. I don’t think this is as much of an issue with a trisomy, so it would just be in the rare event that you join me in 69 chromosomes land. But just thought I’d throw that out there as something to be prepared for.

    I can’t believe you have to carry around that image. There are so many scarring images in this fucked up process. I am sorry.

  7. lagiulia Says:

    Just… wow. How terrible. Thinking of you both.

  8. gypsygrrl Says:

    ((((((((((thinking of you all))))))))))

  9. Co Says:

    So unprofessional! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.

  10. TTC4years Says:

    It never ceases to amaze me how much crap we put up while trying to get pregnant.

    I don’t know if this is helpful or just some psycho babble stuff– but maybe it might help, and certainly worth a shot…this magazine was stating that if you are in some weird/unpleasant situation with a person, and it is something that can’t be undone, that you kind of meditate on it, try to bring some positive energy to it, in essence forgiving that person for treating you badly…apparently it is supposed to make you feel better- like being a better person then them…

    Of course this is after you read the office the riot act. They should be more **human**

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