Is there any hope here? I mean 12 days behind at a 7w5d ultrasound??? How could this be recoverable. My research shows that even 7 days behind, with a hard to find heartbeat ends in miscarriage (unless people are wrong about their dates, which we are not). I don’t need hope to survive until tomorrow. I don’t want anything sugar coated. I’m just REALLY wondering, because I don’t feel like I’m being self protective here. I believe it would be a miracle if things turned around, and I’m not willing to believe in a miracle here.
So I’m curious about why any of you have hope. Is it because you just don’t want it to be true, and you are willing to believe in a miracle? And for those of you who are medically inclined?
I am finding no medical reason, in this particular case (given the fact that we KNOW our dates and the ultrasound was 3 days shy of 8 fucking weeks), that we should be very hopeful. There should have been a STRONG measurable heartbeat. There should have been a baby measuring WELL over 3-5mm.
Ug. As Calliope just said to me, I cannot know it is final, and really let go until I get confirmation. I can’t get that today. Torture. I’m afraid that tomorrow won’t be clear either. At least clear and bad is merciful. If S started bleeding on Monday after the ultrasound, and it was all over, it would be a better place than this excruciating waiting without hope. That is a lie because I have maybe like 2% hope. Ultimately I want the hope GONE, so I can move on, but more than anything I want to be totally wrong.wrong.wrong.
I went to message boards (like The Mis.diagnosed Misca.rriage) where people were posting situations like ours. I found that over and over and over they heard stuff like “keep on hoping,” “ultrasounds are not exact,” “sometimes they can’t find a heartbeat until 9 weeks,” “the lord has a plan for you” (eeeeeeew), etc., and in every case the person posted a week or two later that the pregnancy was, in fact, not viable. Why oh why did I go to those sites? Especially if I have no hope like I’m pretending? Someone without hope is not visiting The Mis.diagnosed Misca.rriage. Seriously. I wish I were better at denial. I imagine others in my position channeling their angst into cleaning their house, or going for runs every night, or going camping or some shit. Me? I obsess all day. It is pathetic. And I can’t help it.