I need to start a list of the stupid shit people say to me about TTC. Someone at the park recently overheard me talking about trying to have a baby and it not working and said “have you tried taking your temperature?” Fellow bloggers on this journey, I ask you, need I even write a snarky retort to that? Have I tried taking my temperature??? I just wanted to slap her. I said was “yes.” It felt impossible to explain the idiocy of that comment without my rage and sadness about this whole thing being dumped upon that poor ignoramus. But when your friends say that shit, well, they should be poked with sharp sticks.
One of my *friends* who had some difficulty conceiving her first child, recently said some assy things to me. She has a 3 year old and a 4 month old. She is one of the folks who started trying about the same time as we did (she got pregnant the month before PPKD and The Wife said yes to us). Now, I am not a person to begrudge my friends being pregnant. I’m not. Sometimes it is hard, but I deal. This particular friend was very difficult for me to be around at times because of my ridiculous (in retrospect) assumption that we would have children close in age.
Anyway, after she gave birth she started in on the insensitive comments. Such gems as: while visiting them in the hopspital after the birth of their daughter (it was hard for us to even walk through the maternity ward), the first thing she said to me “aren’t you just *SOOOOO* glad S is doing this instead of you?” or a few weeks ago “just *wait* until YOU have two, it’s SO much harder, you have *no* idea” or last week’s gem: as she was loading her two kids into the car with some difficulty she says “are you *sure* you want *THIS*?” Um….SHUT IT. Yes I want that. WTF??
I should have said something to her, but she knows all about our struggles, and she had trouble herself so I just think she should know better.
I really do despise it when people who have something great (whatever it is) try to make you feel better by making it seem crappy. Now, I am NOT saying that people should not complain…complain away. Please. I am not one for sugar and sunshine, obviously. My friend is allowed to talk about how hard it is to have 2 kids. Absolutely. But don’t ask me if I’m sure I want it, don’t tell me “just wait, you’ll see.”
I think her intention is good. Everyone who says these kinds of things is probably feeling guilty about what they have that another does not. But please people (not you lovely internets of course), don’t be so patronizing, and don’t try to make me feel better by talking about how crappy it is to have 2 kids, or a fancy car. Well, go ahead and tell me, but don’t tell me, for example, that I’m lucky that I don’t have such a fancy car (that is my fantasy car, which you happen to have) because it’s hard to maintain, or park.
Don’t tell me, or even imply, that despite myself, you secretly know that what I covet actually isn’t that great and I’m kinda lucky I don’t have it, like you do.