two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

ouch March 22, 2007

Filed under: ttc — charlotte @ 5:38 pm

Before I get into the content of this post I wanted to answer some questions (from a lovely fellow blogger):

Why are you moving on to IUIs?

Our RE suggests that we do IUIs in combo with Comid since it can effect some women’s cervical fluid. We will do one IUI with fresh washed sperm in addition to fresh inseminations.

How much will that improve your chances?

I don’t know.

The thing about IUIs, even with fresh sperm, from what I’ve read, is that the sperm doesn’t live as long. So, it’d have to be super well-timed. Or am I mistaken about that?

It would have to be well timed. S will be doing a trigger shot as well.

Also, did S ever go on Clomid?

No, but she will this next cycle and the cycle after that will be fresh IUI with Clomid.

For the next cycle (with Clomid and without IUI) and the following one with Clomid and an IUI she will have to get ultrasound monitoring.

No I don’t have any fucking clue how we will pay for any of this.



I just tried the lying thing and IT SUCKED.


I called a clinic and made an appointment because my “boyfriend” and I are trying to conceive. Lie upon lie upon lie. First of all I was pretending to be S. Then I was making a phone appointment, for a free consultation to get the info I need to know if we can even go this route. So the lovely and nice intake chick starts asking all these questions that I had NO answer for.


Like what is your boyfriend’s birthday? Ummmm. 1969? I sounded like such an asshole. Like I don’t know my boyfriend’s birthday? I don’t even know how old he is (sorry RM). And then she asked for my address and I panicked. I have called this clinic before (most recently yesterday), and gave my name and city, and was asking questions about KDs. So when she asked me my address I panicked and gave her my mom’s address (she lives a hour away from me). When she asked for my email, I gave her S’s. When she asked for my phone number I gave her my cell.


At some point I realized that if I did not write down all the shit I was telling her I would never be able to keep it straight, much less tell S what SHE is supposed to say when they call her.


What a debacle.

***I just got some new info from WTF, which is that the we-don’t-have-to-lie (WDHTL) clinic is farther from RM’s work than we thought. If he is having a busy or important day, and traffic is bad, he won’t be able to do it at all. If we choose a ‘lying’ clinic close to his work, he can leave for an hour, thus pretty much guarantee that he’ll be able to do it, but he can’t leave for 3 hours in the middle of any given day to drive to WDHTL clinic. So we could risk it, and hope he has a slow day, and that traffic is good, but that might just be too many unknowns in a situation already saturated with them.


If we must lie, we have to decide the most palatable lie. S would WAY rather just say she is sleeping with him to have a baby for her and I. So S and I are a couple, but she is shagging RM to get pregnant. Then it isn’t weird if we don’t know his birthday, or don’t have the same address. It requires less lying. The only lie is that they are having sex. It’s a big lie, don’t get me wrong. But we don’t have to pretend she is straight or that I don’t exist. The next question is will the clinics go for this??? How do I find out?


Holy mother of god.


8 Responses to “ouch”

  1. bri Says:

    Bleh. I wouldn’t be able to handle that lying stuff well. Although I think I agree that just saying that you’re having sex isn’t such a big deal. Just think – the world considers SEX to be ONLY hetero sex in which sperm is ejected into a vagina. That is happening. So fine. Call it sex. Whatever. It’s definitely more palatable than not knowing your boyfriend’s birthday. Bleh. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this. Known donor crap is really hard. And people are the worst.

  2. Amy Says:

    I am so sorry you guys are going through this. What a pain in the ass.

    I wish I could be of more help and reassurance, but the best I can offer you is that for us anyway, the RE fees (IUI) were not the bad part. The bad part was buying the sperm. I think we paid about $200-$300 per cycle for the IUI itself, total. I know that’s not a fantastic number and I’m certainly not trying to say it’s cheap, but…. hopefully it won’t be as painful as you expect.

    Lots of good thoughts headed your way.

  3. Carey Says:

    I dunno if that will satisfy the clinic (just saying S is sleeping with RM to get pregnant to have a baby for you and S – I think they would see right through that, but then – maybe they won’t really care). Of course, if they catch you in the lie, you are screwed and they can refuse to treat you guys.

    I think it’d just be much easier to say they are a couple and as awful as it is, not mention you. I would keep it as simple as possible. (and yeah, I know it sucks how this all works)

    But in reality, it’s just one appointment (well 2 or 3 if you count follicle checks) and S. can do them by herself… it’s not like RM stands in the room while an IUI is done – he can just do his part and then S. can do her part. Then you guys can do another insem at home together like you’ve been doing.

    The ultimate goal is a baby… my .02 is to obtain that goal however you can, even if that means lying to to someone because of your donor situation. Will it suck? Sure… it won’t feel good to lie about your relationship, but is it worth it in the long run (in the big picture)? Definitely — esp. if she gets pregnant on IUI #1. 🙂

    Good luck with your decision!!!!!

  4. shelli Says:

    I think it all depends on the clinic and the RE. What does your vibe tell you? Could you call up another RE and “run the scenario” by them for practice? Like an RE office in, say, Hawaii? That woudn’t call the “RE Police on you?”

    It’s SO ridiculous that it’s OK for you to be female and shag someone *Just* for the sake of getting knocked up, but it’s NOT OK to be in a loving, monogomous relationship.

    UGH. don’t get me started!

  5. veeandjay Says:

    It’s utterly ludicrous and fucked up, as everyone has already said. I really feel for all of you, having to pick your way through this maze, in order to satisfy ridiculous, unfounded and frankly ineffectual trumped up morality.
    You situation is sparking a lot of deep debate in our house, as we reflect on our situation, so thank you for posting about it and sharing.

  6. temmerling Says:

    Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow. You know you’re doing research that is directly hitting me in the gut, don’t you? What could I do? What would I be willing to do? I don’t know and that’s why I’m sitting here paralyzed.

  7. e. Says:

    so sorry that this is so complicated! i can’t imagine how hard that phone conversation was. and the lying is hard. and keeping the info straight is even harder.

    if you have any cool midwives near you, i really suggest looking into them. as i’ve said before, ours will do an iui with fresh sperm w/o quarantine (and can wash it), does not charge us for any iuis, and pretty much has been working to give me an IF diagnosis so i can continue to get all these and more treatments covered by my insurance. hopefully when all the testing is done i won’t truly be found infertile, but i know in the end she will give me the diagnosis, one way or another in order to help us get pregnant.

    i wish this was not so hard for you and S. i really do. i’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and sending you my most positive energy.

    hang in there.

  8. Melody Says:

    Have you looked at Femara at all? It behaves exactly the same as Clomid but doesn’t dry up cervical fluid.

    FWIW– my insurance paid for Clomid and Femara. They don’t cover IUIs, but I’ve been surprised how good they’ve been about the drugs. Don’t assume that your insurance won’t cover the drugs just b/c they might say they don’t cover fertility treatment.

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