The plan is: I will convince myself that it can still work with S. I am doing this by CHOOSING to believe the following:
Fresh try number one was not ideally timed (insem 3 days before O and day of O). Even though it is possible for an egg to live for 24 hours, they (current researchers) think that there needs to be viable sperm waiting in the fallopian tubes. The realistic average window for fertilization is like 12 hours (six on each side of O). So I can decide that try #1 (fresh try #1) was badly timed. Fresh try #5 was also badly timed…the first insem was at 10 pm day of O. Not great. If S Oed in the morning or early afternoon we could have missed it entirely. So that leaves 3 fresh viable tries.
Additionally, according to our RE, S’s HGS results were “normal” but S’s experience during the HSG leads us to wonder whether she had a blocked tube. It took her turning side to side, an extra dye bolus and almost 4 minutes for the dye to clear one of her tubes. I am choosing to believe that her tube was blocked and it now cleared. Under that assumption, one or two of the well timed fresh sperm tries could have been from that ovary preventing fertilization.
Thus, we are looking at one or two tries where our known variables were aligned: a clear tube, and good timing.
Or so I am choosing to believe. To get me through the next cycle. The first insem is in 6 days, expected ovulation in 8 days. Maybe I can live with that if I believe that it could work…based on the fact that we have only had 1 or 2 viable tries. That in and of itself is depressing as fuck but at least it lends itself to some desperately needed hope.