S had a long talk with het brother today. Things are on the mend. He suggested that all of us meet with a therapist once or twice because we need some help. I think it is a great idea. There is some family shit and some personality shit that is getting in the way of us communicating and I would hate for us to have a strained, fragile relationship with them forever because of donorship issues. I still doubt they will give us a decision anytime soon, but at this point some healing needs to happen. Otherwise my bitterness and anger will just fester.
I am slowly letting go of my anger at them. What S and I realized today is that we are assuming the worst of them and vice versa. Hopefully a counselor can help us sort all of this out…not so that they come to a decision, but so that all of us can understand and empathize with each other. It is all very adult and mentally healthy of us.
We will set up a therapy session in the next 3 weeks. Dude, you better believe I will let you know how it goes.
You might be wondering why we still want an answer from them. Because. Because it is our backup plan. Because even if we don’t use the option it feels so much better for it to be there. Because we still don’t know if S will get pregnant. And if she does, we don’t know if a baby disaster will happen. I am not trying to be negative here, just realistic. We still want a backup plan, and honestly, if she continues to not get pregnant, and they say yes, we would probably switch.
Here is what S and I are focusing on – here is the plan:
We try to envision the baby we are going to get (S sees a dark haired little girl with a bob), and each month we decide what seems like the best way, given the circumstances, to get the baby. This way to focus is on the baby we want and not as much on the means. Whatever uterus seems most appropriate in any given month, goes.
Oh, and I have not forgotten that I used to be funny. The funny will come back. The funny has just been beaten about the head with a sharp stick, but it is not dead. I promise.