two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

on the mend February 19, 2007

Filed under: known donor,ttc,two uteri, two moms — charlotte @ 6:37 am

S had a long talk with het brother today. Things are on the mend. He suggested that all of us meet with a therapist once or twice because we need some help. I think it is a great idea. There is some family shit and some personality shit that is getting in the way of us communicating and I would hate for us to have a strained, fragile relationship with them forever because of donorship issues. I still doubt they will give us a decision anytime soon, but at this point some healing needs to happen. Otherwise my bitterness and anger will just fester.

I am slowly letting go of my anger at them. What S and I realized today is that we are assuming the worst of them and vice versa. Hopefully a counselor can help us sort all of this out…not so that they come to a decision, but so that all of us can understand and empathize with each other. It is all very adult and mentally healthy of us.

We will set up a therapy session in the next 3 weeks. Dude, you better believe I will let you know how it goes.

You might be wondering why we still want an answer from them. Because. Because it is our backup plan. Because even if we don’t use the option it feels so much better for it to be there. Because we still don’t know if S will get pregnant. And if she does, we don’t know if a baby disaster will happen. I am not trying to be negative here, just realistic. We still want a backup plan, and honestly, if she continues to not get pregnant, and they say yes, we would probably switch.

Here is what S and I are focusing on – here is the plan:

We try to envision the baby we are going to get (S sees a dark haired little girl with a bob), and each month we decide what seems like the best way, given the circumstances, to get the baby. This way to focus is on the baby we want and not as much on the means. Whatever uterus seems most appropriate in any given month, goes.

Oh, and I have not forgotten that I used to be funny. The funny will come back. The funny has just been beaten about the head with a sharp stick, but it is not dead. I promise.


7 Responses to “on the mend”

  1. Tamsin Says:

    So glad to hear that things are on the mend with S’s brother; the counselling sounds like an excellent idea to help with the communication issues. I’m particularly impressed with the the suggestion coming from him (as a man – or is that really sexist of me??)

  2. Calliope Says:

    seriously. I was a bit worried about how the walk & talk would go, but it sounds like some good things came from it. The therapy sounds so good (& so grown up) and I think it is pretty amazing to have it proposed.

  3. Co Says:

    The therapy sounds like a really good idea.

    I am glad things are on the mend and will hopefully be further mended. It’s S’s brother, and LM’s uncle donor, so I would hate to see such an important relationship be permanently harmed by this process.

  4. Carey Says:

    I think the therapy is a great idea… get things out in the open & sorted out. I think therapy is just great in general for anyone going through IF. But then, since it’s what I want to do when finished with grad school, I am just a teeny-tiny bit biased 🙂

  5. unwellness Says:

    In the midst of weeping copious tears over my own family shit (yes, more happened just an hour ago) while driving with Wes today, I started to wonder very much how S’s walk had gone, so I am very glad to find an update. Your family is much more adult than my family, where avoidance and purposeful ignoring of difficulty is the name of the game. Sigh.

  6. sophia Says:

    sounds like a plan and love the new place

  7. sounds good. it’s huge that you’re all going to therapy together.

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