two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

still doubting February 1, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 8:22 pm

I know that at this point we should be feeling ok about moving forward. But we just had a talk and both of us, independently, feel unsure if we really want to proceed with S. Her dye test is in 5 days, and if we do it, we have to try this cycle. I didn’t know until just now that she was questioning it as well. Ultimately we want a bio sibling for LM. I’m not sure that it is clear to anyone in our lives how or why this has become so important, but it has. It is hard to accept that this is no longer an option…because it might be at some point.

Can we just wake up in 9 months with a baby?

I am so tired of feeling confused and desperate. I don’t know if we should just ignore all this doubt and push forward with the dye test and insems (because our situation this time is just going to be SO less than ideal regardless), or if we should wait and see what happens with UD and H. Honestly, the thought of waiting for UD and H makes me want to barf, but I don’t know if S can do all this testing when we still have so much uncertainty. Another month off sounds wretched. I want so much to feel as I did 4 months ago when all I wanted was for S to be pregnant, but I don’t. Apparently S doesn’t either. What do we do?

I keep thinking I’m almost done feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not.

Also, can you even effing believe this? Appointments have been made. Balls are rolling. Must we still be doubting??? Can we just pick a path and be ok?


2 Responses to “still doubting”

  1. Says:

    I am so sorry you are still in such uncertain muck.

    Why do you have to try this month if she does the dye test? Just curious, since I was pretty much not allowed to try that month. If it’s for the increased fertility, I strongly believe that (if it exists) it lasts 3 months.

    What’s going on with the antibiotics thing – that seemed important.

    Thinking of you lots.

  2. Mama2BandT Says:

    I also am sorry that this is such a crappy, uncertain time for you all. I hope that no matter what you eventually you guys get the outcome you’re most comfortable w/…now I want to ask a question and not to beat a dead horse…you’ve had to reevaluate your desires lately…do you think you would ever be okay w/ or even consider a half sib for LM, meaning you going again w/ a different donor b/c unfortunately you never know if UD and Hasbian will ever give you a real yes or no after the crap they’ve put you through.

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