I know that at this point we should be feeling ok about moving forward. We.so.want.to. But we just had a talk and both of us, independently, feel unsure if we really want to proceed with S. Her dye test is in 5 days, and if we do it, we have to try this cycle. I didn’t know until just now that she was questioning it as well. Ultimately we want a bio sibling for LM. I’m not sure that it is clear to anyone in our lives how or why this has become so important, but it has. It is hard to accept that this is no longer an option…because it might be at some point.
Can we just wake up in 9 months with a baby?
I am so tired of feeling confused and desperate. I don’t know if we should just ignore all this doubt and push forward with the dye test and insems (because our situation this time is just going to be SO less than ideal regardless), or if we should wait and see what happens with UD and H. Honestly, the thought of waiting for UD and H makes me want to barf, but I don’t know if S can do all this testing when we still have so much uncertainty. Another month off sounds wretched. I want so much to feel as I did 4 months ago when all I wanted was for S to be pregnant, but I don’t. Apparently S doesn’t either. What do we do?
I keep thinking I’m almost done feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not.
Also, can you even effing believe this? Appointments have been made. Balls are rolling. Must we still be doubting??? Can we just pick a path and be ok?