I guess I was wrong when I asked for the truth. Now I am getting comments that are just making me feel like total shit. So I guess I am not as tough skinned or desirous of being challenged as I thought. I absolutely take full responsibility for asking for it. But please stop. I’m just way too vulnerable for it right now.
“Dude. Is it possible that all of the DRAMA that seems to surround you isn’t just happening by accident? Have you thought about being nicer to people, especially those who have something really BIG that you want?
If I were you, I would try to focus on doing WHAT is right rather than BEING right.”
I have no idea why you think we are not being nice to them. We plan to be nothing but “nice” to them. Am I not allowed to vent? And what is the right thing to DO?
Also, OF COURSE I create some of the drama in my life. Did you think that would be a giant revelation for me?? Come on. But this drama I did NOT create. Other parts of this journey, sure, but not this. Clearly you don’t know me at all.
I then felt like you did not have much faith in me, the reader, to know how truly awful it was/is. I “got it” and didn’t need it to be re-iterated as it was.
I get this. I was NOT having a ton of faith in my readers to get it. I was/am defensive about it. So you are right about this. But not about this:
“I am simply saying, hurt, be pissed, be devastated, be hopeful, be everything, and then move forward and live, and then be open to the possibilities that the universe has something in store for you that is so much more than you could ever dream even though it may be different than what you imagined. Be open to the tiniest possibility of that if possible.”
OK. I think I see that you are trying to give me some hope, maybe say that something good will happened at the end of this. I get that, but please don’t assume that I am not open to the *tiniest* possibility that something OK or great will result. Also, knowing something will scar you, or hurt a relationship, is not the same thing as saying that the you will never be OK, or a relationship will NEVER EVER be OK? Do you guys REALLY think that I’m saying that I will never ever in the whole Universe be OK? Didn’t I say we would move on to having a kid another way? OF COURSE I WILL BE OK. I DON’T THINK THAT THE WORLD IS ENDING. I know that I will be OK, eventually. Our family will be OK. But that isn’t really what I’m focusing on right now, because things suck right now. I am sooooooo allowed to feel like my world is crumbling.
And if you want to give me some hope, do it gently. One more thing: This is not the moment for me to “move forward and live”. I have not been hating UD and H for 10 years and messing up my kids with my unending resentment and bitterness. This happened LAST WEEK.
I am not going to apologize for feeling shitty and hopeless about having a 2nd baby. Things feel shitty and hopeless!!! Just stop reading if that is too much for you, or if you need me to “buck up”.
Maybe I expect too much of people. Maybe you are right, commenters. Maybe I am just a drama seeking fucking idiot who is creating all the problems I’m having because I am not having enough faith or positivity.