two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Delurking January 14, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 2:52 am

I was so upset (am so upset) about this donor shit that I forgot about delurking week.

Oh, and I know I have said this before but I mean it: If you have something to say, say it! I blog as a vehicle of expression, but if I didn’t want support, opinions AND hey-you’re-making-a-mistake, I would be writing in a private diary. I hate assy anonymous comments, but even that is interesting.

I never imagined I would feel so understood, supported, and accepted here. Truly, I think I would have gone mad. Thank you for a year of love and opinions. And I love you back. I love being a part of your journeys.

For the coming year I have the following comments and suggestions: if I don’t know about you, tell me.

If you don’t have a blog, write about shit in my comments section. I really don’t have ANY etiquette issue with that.

Take up all the space you want. Never apologize for a long comment, or “making it about you”.

There is no need, EVER, to apologize for giving your opinion. Or advice.

Please delurk. Tell me who you are, and why you continue to read this disappointing lesbian baby story. And if you know me, please tell me.

P.S. I only cried twice today.


21 Responses to “Delurking”

  1. Sophia Says:

    i keep reading because it gets my head out of my a$$ and you’re a great writer and I know a lot about your pain.


  2. Jennifer Says:

    I don’t know you and I am not sure how I started reading your blog… when I began I identified more with you as I was in a f/f relationship and a therapist and wanting to have kids. Now the part that has changed is that I am in an m/f relationship! I read your blog with interest about the angst us therapisty types often have in life and wonder about why I would not be as open as you are… (like hell would my clients be reading all my thoughts – ever! LOL

  3. Calliope Says:

    I know you!
    & I read because you are raw and real and passionate and human and funny and inspired and angry and honest.

    I HATE that this shit is going on for you.

  4. Emmakirst Says:

    I’ve delurked before. So sorry that all this is going on.

  5. jenny Says:

    You know me! I was in NYC with the bloggers.

    I get the PKD pain. Our first choice went all weird on us. He and his partner basically stopped talking to us. Eventually we got out of them why, but our friendship has never fully recovered, and I feel HORRID about that because PKD was my partner’s best man at our wedding and her best friend from grad school. I hate that they were stupid and didn’t just say no. It was really ok. I mean, we were upset, and I was hot to start trying, but it really was ok for them to say no. A simple no would have been better than months of WTF is going on?

    Anyway. I know the KD pain. It sucks. And I would imagine it is worse when you already have one child from that same donor and want to give that child a full sibling.

  6. amy Says:

    we started down a similar path as you guys. my brother donated for 3 months and thankfully my partner never got pregnant. our one rule for him was that if he were having sex (he’s single) it needed to be protected. he assured us it would be. and then his ex-gf came around pregnant saying it was his baby. needless to say, it wasn’t, but it took a paternity test to confirm. we were livid with him. partially because she is trash and we didnt want her to be part of our family (selfish) and partially because he wasn’t being honest. we moved on and went back to the frozen stuff, i got pregnant a few months later and we have a wonderful 13.5 month old baby girl. my brother has since asked if we’d be interested again and we’d just prefer not to at this point. just not worth the frustration it became. i wish we could because like you, i loved the idea of our children being biologically related to us both but it’s just not worth the power and control that it would mean giving up. the anon donor that we wound up using is a spitting image of my partner so our daughter really does resemble us both which is neat. in fact, people who didn’t know us during the pregnancy typically ask who carried because it’s not usually obvious.

    to sum up my babble – i’m rooting for your #2, no matter how (s)/he materializes…

  7. Says:

    I know you! I read because it helps me feel like we are still babbling on and on and on and on at each other until it is a truly ridiculous time of night. Because I miss you and I worry about you and I am sorry that you have to go through this crap.

  8. Mo Says:

    I read because I love how honest you are and want to see one of you get pregnant, damn it! Also, I can relate to feeling so strongly about having a second because that is how I felt too.

  9. Merr Says:

    I have been reading for a long time now, because I can sort of relate to how you are feeling. It is taking us forever to get baby #2 also. I was hoping to have my kids really close in age too, but that is not happening. Most people are having struggles with getting their 1st kid, but we are trying for a second. Yes we already have 1 kid so we should be greatful, because it is more than others have. I want another and I want it now.

  10. three minute palaver Says:

    delurking to say I love your blog and can relate to you having secondary IF myself. I have been trying for #2 since August 2004. and I hate that things are not working out for you at the moment.

  11. art-sweet Says:

    You asked for honesty, so I will be honest:

    I can hear the pain and disappointment in your words, and I feel for you. At the same time, I have to confess that it’s hard for me to read.

    I understand that they haven’t told you the reasons behind their/her decision and that’s tremendously frustrating. But I imagine: what if she has been trying to get pregnant and not succeeding? Can you imagine watching someone else get pregnant with your husband’s sperm under those circumstances and how painful that would be?

    I genuinely hope this is the worst thing that ever happens to you and your family. I’m not in any way shape or form denying that it sucks big fat donkey balls, but I refer you to this post from alittlepregnant to remind us all of the dangers of deciding “this is the worst.”

    And I’m not sure why you need to diminish other’s pain in order to convey the experience of your own. Perhaps the power failure at the bank destroyed someone else’s last hope of conceiving a genetic sibling, or their sample that they banked before treatment for cancer.

    The pain olympics is kind of the inverse of the special olympics: when we play, we’re all losers.

  12. Married Lesbian Mom Says:

    I am Melissa author of Married Lesbian Mom. I choose to continue to read your journey because just being a lesbian mother is tough in society. It is comforting to see others in the same situations and I also am just inspired by your courage.

  13. tonya Says:

    delurking agaian…
    i am from tennessee i love to come to your site and read . i want to send you hugs and i want to send you support i sit in tears when i hear of the dissapoinments that you two have and i laugh at the comical thing i read..
    sending lots of love and hugs to you all..

  14. tonya Says:

    by the way i have a blog i dont just use it much ….
    hugs tonya

  15. Heather Says:

    Delurking to say hi. I found you throught wtf’s blog (we have the dead baby thing in common).
    I’ll keep reading to find out what happens next.

  16. lagiulia Says:

    I read your blog on and off… which is how frequently I read most blogs except for Bri’s whose blog I stalk, but then she is one of my closest friends irl. I began reading because I liked the frank style of your writing. Also, my sister is a lesbian and interested in having kids, and though she has never asked my husband and I or anyone else I know of to help the cause, I do think about it sometimes… if she’d ever use a kd. So, it’s been really interesting to read about your experience with ttc #2. And sad, lately. I am hoping so much that things will resolve in a way that is good for you and your wife. Lots of blog love, and rock on.

  17. Estelle Says:

    I know you, you know me. You touched my baby. I keep reading because I want to know the end of the story. And if the end of the story doesn’t happen for several years, I’ll probably keep reading anyway.
    I don’t remember how I found your blog, but I’ve been a regular reader, if not commenter, ever since.

  18. Melissa Says:

    Delurking – I’m a friend of Bri’s and a sometimes reader. I don’t usually comment on blogs of people I don’t know irl because I feel shy about it! Wishing you all the best.

  19. frog Says:

    I’m not a lurker, but what the hell. I found you through FF, loved the writing and never left.

  20. sariel & shlomit Says:

    you don’t know me as i found you through the blogosphere and have been reading your blog for a while – i’m hooked….also, i am straight (but not narrow!) and going through if treatments…i get tonnes of support from a group of friends who have been through the donor sperm dance (lesbians and women doing it on their own) so i feel a little kinship also…

  21. Great Future Says:

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