I actually have more waiting stamina than I thought. I’m used to it. Therefor I’m not completely freaking out. I am trying to enjoy my days, trying to be present for the new thing that LM is doing (kissing me all over for 2 minutes and laughing). The truth is I’m feeling really lonely. Sometimes being a mom is so so lonely. And I tend towards depression anyway, so I’m finding it difficult to just exist in my life right now: go grocery shopping, put LM down for naps, take showers, clean my house, pay bills.
Yesterday I was missing/hating Voldem*rt (my ex best friend) so I went to lunch with S and LM to distract me. During this excursion I decided I needed some alone time to shop so I went into a store my myself (usually heaven), only to be met with what felt like a movie song montage. Literally everywhere I looked there were frames that said “best friends”, vases that said “friends” (who wants a *vase* that says that???), bobbles that were two pieces that each person keeps that said “friends forever”. Was I on candid camera? No. That would be way too boring for anyone to watch. My own personal hallmark torture center? I decide to get the eff out of that section but as I turn around and am facing a GIANT display of fairies all name brand “Insert-ex-best-friends-name-here Faeries,” and she has a very unique name that I never ever see or hear. WTF?
I practically ran screaming from the store. Oh and what greets me? Voldemo*rt’s new best friend, driving by and waving to me! Not kidding.
Did I need this yesterday? During my lonely shitty pity party for me day? It was so a movie song montage, you know what I’ talking about right.
Oh the joy. So I saw Voldem*rt today! She works on Thursday, so I thought I would be safe heading to the local park. Wrong. She was there. Helloooo? Anyway, we talked a bit for the first time in months and we saw each other’s kids fo the first time in almost a year. Sometimes I think that in her absence she becomes something larger than life, so it was very good to see her as just a person. I feel better, but what weird fucking timing when I’m in the middle of all this donor stuff. But hey, when am I not in the middle of donor stuff, right?
Speaking of which, Uncle D is such a dumb boy sometimes. W e have not heard from him since Tuesday. I’m sure he has no idea that we are all freaked out waiting for him to call. And we don’t want to be pushy, so we don’t want to call. Yuck. Can this be over yet? If we have to wait this cycle out I’m gonna….do nothing. Nothing for me to do. Right?