two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Do you get it? And, wait there’s more… January 9, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 7:48 pm

I am seeing now, after more than one comment or question from my fellow bloggers who are not afraid to offend me, that I may not have explained our decision very well.

1. This was S’s decision.

2. If we were using the same KD, she would have gotten the test and we would still be trying with her.

3. We do understand that 6 tries does not constitute a problem, necessarily, and that it could absolutely still happen for her.

4. When I asked her, on Sunday night, what she would do if we could guarantee her getting pregnant the cycle after the dye test, she paused. And she said she is not sure she would want it to work. Not because she does not want to be pregnant that badly, but because she doesn’t know if she wants to be pregnant that badly when we have a chance to have another kid who is related to both of us.

5. What changed between now and 2 months ago when we were trying to get her pregnant? Obstacles. It not working, needing to move on to tests, and spending money and RE’s. When it seemed easy and right, S felt ok (but still had doubts I didn’t have) about trying to get her pregnant.

6. Why didn’t you keep going without interventions? Because that felt too emotionally draining for us. 6 attempts, at almost 36 years old, and one really should look into getting help, even if it is just doing blood work, or an ultrasound. For us, we had had enough of our OB who didn’t really know what she was doing with fertility issues, so if we were going to proceed with interventions it was going to need to be an RE. And S just didn’t feel right about doing all of that, and finding the motivation to try that hard when the other option is a child related to both of us.

7. I wonder if us “giving up” on S, pushes other people’s buttons about being given up on, especially those trying in 2 uterus homes. Just wondering.


Now for the ‘wait there’s more’…

In the household of Charlotte and S, having baby #2 is fucking impossible. I so mean it.

On Christmas eve, we had a long drive with S’s brother (his wife was sick and didn’t come) and we asked him if he would be willing to donate again, and he said yes. We took this as a yes…not really thinking that we needed to ask her too. But of course we do, silly lesbians. Silly silly lesbians didn’t want to bother them with it until we knew it was really going to happen. Silly silly us.

It just didn’t seem super clear to us last week, because we were so absorbed with making the decision itself, and because him donating was so supported by and suggested by his wife the first time. But in the last year things with her feel a little strained. Anyway.

I IMed him today to find out when he’ll be in town (he works in a different location 3 days a week), and told him we’d like to talk to him (lets call him UD – uncle donor) and her (lets call her Hasbian because she used to be a lesbian before she met him – one of the reasons she is so effing cool about the donating) this week. But then he wanted to know what was up, and I told him, and now he needs to check with her and we need to have a big *talk* about it this weekend. THIS WEEKEND. As in 4-5 days from now.

So we made the most gut wrenching-no-right-answer life choice EVER, and what if they say no now? More precisely, what if she says no? We already know he’s fine with it.

What if that fucking happened? Seriously. It is not super probably, but possible. And I’ll tell you what… slightly possible feels pretty fucking shitty at this point in the journey.

Can one god-damned-motherfucking thing be easy for us this time around? ONE?! No? Oh yeah. NO. NO. NO.


It is unfuckingbelievable.


8 Responses to “Do you get it? And, wait there’s more…”

  1. Says:

    Hm. I know it’s practically impossible but try not to panic yet. Obviously I don’t know crap, but it seems reasonable that he would want to talk to his wife about it again even if it’s already been done once. That said, you know best and I can understand how this would flip you out after all you have been through. I’m just saying. It may not be catastrophe. Is there any way you can talk sooner or get an idea what’s up so you don’t have to have 4-5 days of panic? Can S talk to him?

  2. J Says:

    You already know what I feel: re transfer, but I’ll move on to the new challenge.


    I hope you can keep it together till the weekend….or sooner.

    Rooting for you. You know this. xo

  3. Shelli Says:

    oh I’m so sorry for all of the sturm and drang, but I have to admit I SNARFED My afternoon coffee ALL ove rhte keyboard at “hasbian.”

    I know a few of those, actually.

    Hasbian – funny as shit!

    I HOPE that SIL is on board for hte ride, and if not, just give us her address, and, um, we’ll make sure she’s “OK” with everything, don’t you worry…

  4. whatthef*ck Says:

    what happened to the bottom of your post? i wanted to see the comments but it appears to be cutoff.

  5. Co Says:

    I hope all goes well with your talks with Hasbian. There’s no reason to assume they won’t, as you point out.

    I know you and S. have agonized over this decision. And now that your decision has been made, you are itching to hop onto the new plan. Totally understandable. But if uncle donor and hasbian’s only knowledge of this new plan was as a possibility (not a certainty), or not at all, perhaps, in the case of Hasbian, you may need to give them some time to catch up to you guys. I know that sucks, especially if it means taking a brief layoff from TTC. And I know I’m not saying anything astute or earth-shattering (and I may be wrong). But that’s my thought.

    This might still be the one easy thing in this whole process. I hope it is.

    And thanks for the clarifications.

  6. Calliope Says:

    damn. you so needed another thing to stress this situation out…not.

    I hope the hasbian is uber chill & “of course” about everything. It would be good if UD could give you some sort of insight.


  7. Sophia Says:

    its going to be ok not perfect but ok whatever happens

  8. sariel & shlomit Says:

    aghghghghghg!!! if it’s not one fucking thing it’s another, isn’t it? what are we all supposed to be ‘learning’ from all of this?
    i hope hasbian s-i-l is cool with it….
    you’ll get your baby!

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