I am seeing now, after more than one comment or question from my fellow bloggers who are not afraid to offend me, that I may not have explained our decision very well.
1. This was S’s decision.
2. If we were using the same KD, she would have gotten the test and we would still be trying with her.
3. We do understand that 6 tries does not constitute a problem, necessarily, and that it could absolutely still happen for her.
4. When I asked her, on Sunday night, what she would do if we could guarantee her getting pregnant the cycle after the dye test, she paused. And she said she is not sure she would want it to work. Not because she does not want to be pregnant that badly, but because she doesn’t know if she wants to be pregnant that badly when we have a chance to have another kid who is related to both of us.
5. What changed between now and 2 months ago when we were trying to get her pregnant? Obstacles. It not working, needing to move on to tests, and spending money and RE’s. When it seemed easy and right, S felt ok (but still had doubts I didn’t have) about trying to get her pregnant.
6. Why didn’t you keep going without interventions? Because that felt too emotionally draining for us. 6 attempts, at almost 36 years old, and one really should look into getting help, even if it is just doing blood work, or an ultrasound. For us, we had had enough of our OB who didn’t really know what she was doing with fertility issues, so if we were going to proceed with interventions it was going to need to be an RE. And S just didn’t feel right about doing all of that, and finding the motivation to try that hard when the other option is a child related to both of us.
7. I wonder if us “giving up” on S, pushes other people’s buttons about being given up on, especially those trying in 2 uterus homes. Just wondering.
Now for the ‘wait there’s more’…
In the household of Charlotte and S, having baby #2 is fucking impossible. I so mean it.
On Christmas eve, we had a long drive with S’s brother (his wife was sick and didn’t come) and we asked him if he would be willing to donate again, and he said yes. We took this as a yes…not really thinking that we needed to ask her too. But of course we do, silly lesbians. Silly silly lesbians didn’t want to bother them with it until we knew it was really going to happen. Silly silly us.
It just didn’t seem super clear to us last week, because we were so absorbed with making the decision itself, and because him donating was so supported by and suggested by his wife the first time. But in the last year things with her feel a little strained. Anyway.
I IMed him today to find out when he’ll be in town (he works in a different location 3 days a week), and told him we’d like to talk to him (lets call him UD – uncle donor) and her (lets call her Hasbian because she used to be a lesbian before she met him – one of the reasons she is so effing cool about the donating) this week. But then he wanted to know what was up, and I told him, and now he needs to check with her and we need to have a big *talk* about it this weekend. THIS WEEKEND. As in 4-5 days from now.
So we made the most gut wrenching-no-right-answer life choice EVER, and what if they say no now? More precisely, what if she says no? We already know he’s fine with it.
What if that fucking happened? Seriously. It is not super probably, but possible. And I’ll tell you what… slightly possible feels pretty fucking shitty at this point in the journey.
Can one god-damned-motherfucking thing be easy for us this time around? ONE?! No? Oh yeah. NO. NO. NO.
It is unfuckingbelievable.