two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Can anyone hook me up? January 3, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 6:04 pm

Our RE cancelled S’s appointment for a history and physical today. Fate? Anyway, I’m not sure if the doctor will prescribe Clomid for S without having completed this appointment. My question is can someone hook me up with some Clomid before Saturday (that is her CD 5)? We are under their supervision and all…but we don’t know what dosage they would prescribe. It also makes me feel a little less than great doing this on our own…but I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

S is pretty sure she does not want to do the dye test. We are looking at doing one more cycle, maybe just with Clomid. This is what S wants. She does not want to do a bunch of tests and she does not want to be pregnant badly enough to try more than twice more…not because she doesn’t want to be pregnant really really a lot, she does.

But she doesn’t want to wait more and go through testing (it is not just the dye test) it is more tenaculums, IUIs, speculums, doctors, blood draws, waiting for test results, paying money, searching, researching, scheduling and missing work…WHEN we have such a great alternative.

We boiled it down to this: if she were the only uterus in the relationship, or if we did not have an option allowing both of us to be related to the kid, she would go through all of those medical procedures, all of the tests…bravely. But because the alternative is so incredible – a super smart fabulous child that looks more like her than me, a KD who is already our children’s uncle, there are no strings, their is no weirdness. We have a child that is totally ours and is related to both of us, and we are lesbians. I mean who gets to do that?

So it is in the face of that option that S has difficulty finding the gumption and motivation to go through more ttc medical intervention hell.

Thus, one more try, two max, with Clomid, less inseminations (again this is what S wants – less stress and just inseming the day before O and the day of O), more Robitussin and then stop.

Even this could change though. She may decide not to go this cycle at all. I know, internets. Big fucking decisions here. Life changing ones.

I have come to the realization that although how we have our next baby absolutely involves me, it really needs to be up to S. How badly does she want to be pregnant and give birth? I am trying to support whatever decision she makes.

Do I even have to explain, to those of you who know me, how hard it is to totally relinquish control, to play a ‘supportive’ roll, to not have a plan and when we have a plan to know that it could change at any time and I have not control over it? To know that I might need to deal with all of my own fears and excitement about being pregnant again? That I am already grieving, to some extent, my dreams of S being pregnant?

I think you can imagine. And please share your thoughts…about Clomid, about us grappling with this choice. I really want to hear what you think…not only from those of you in similar positions but anyone who can imagine how complicated this choice is.


10 Responses to “Can anyone hook me up?”

  1. J Says:

    Ok. Brutal honesty time.
    I’d do about a zillion HSG’s before going on Clomid.

    Clomid made me crazy. Yes, it made me have nice plump follicles. But I didn’t get pregnant, and I had a nuclear meltdown at the mall. In public. The HSG was 2 minutes of uncomfort. Seriously. I’ve seen your wife’s skin art. If it’s about pain, there’s no problem. Invasion? Different issue.

    Here’s the thing. I’d feel really uncomfortable giving you clomid because S hasn’t gotten the basic RE work up. And, without the HSG, if her tubes are blocked, aint’ no amount of Clomid going to do any good.

    On the flip side? It sortakinda sounds like both of you have made up your minds on this a little. I mean…you guys are totally lucky that “child” (I don’t know how you refer to your kid here, I forget as I’m typing) IS related to both of you. That’s awesome.

    And yeah, you may be grieving S not having a child. I understand that. I’ve got similar (but very different) issues with my S, so I get that. And the giving up of control? F yes.

    But I really really do think that if S WANTS to try and make a baby, and use RE assistance, and perhaps take Clomid…she needs to be worked up physical. And if it were me? I’d push for the HSG (dye test.) Because I wouldn’t up my risk for ovarian cancer without knowing that there is possible good outcome of using the drug.

    My .02. You know how much I’m rooting for both of you. I hope that you guys come to decisions that are right for your entire family, and not just…one separate entity. xo

  2. bleu Says:

    I had no workup done before my doc perscribed it beyond a 7dpo progesterone test.

    You can get it easily without a RX from Mexico or, I know because it is cheaper through them than from my pharmacy here.

    Some people have awful side effects, some don’t. I had barely any at all.

    I am pregnant second month on it.

    I emailed you.

  3. Co Says:

    Call the R.E. and see if they’ll prescribe Clomid without the appointment, or if they won’t start S. on treatment without certain test results back. If they won’t, is there another doc who would prescribe it for S.?

    I wouldn’t recommend doing Clomid without ultrasound monitoring by someone. I felt really bloated my first time on Clomid, and I worried that maybe my ovaries were enlarged (they weren’t… it was just extra follies, but it’s nice to be reassured). Also, you want to make sure it’s working, or it’s just not worth putting S. through potential side effects.

    How will you counteract the fact that Clomid can create hostile mucus if you’re doing ICI with fresh sperm? Will you buy Preseed or will your RE prescribe something to help with the mucus issues?

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

    Here’s my brutally honest comment. If S. is unwilling to take a month or two off to do tests, and if it’ll be a big financial strain to do so, then maybe you two have already decided. Working with an R.E. takes time and involves tests and if it’s not insured, money. I think if you skip the testing part, then you might not end up changing your outcome. And hoping the outcome will change is the only reason you’re considering any of this. Feel free to ignore that if it’s not helpful.

    Hugs to you both. This is so hard.

  4. frog Says:

    I don’t know.

    We’re in a slightly similar position, and we’re leaning toward bagging the whole damn thing and going the adoption route.

    It’s huge and exhausting and I’m sorry you’re here, too.

  5. Says:

    I would personally not do Clomid without ultrasound and trigger because I wouldn’t want to deal with the side effects and the cancer risk without some knowledge that we were increasing our odds and perfecting our timing. Having ultrasounds and trigger changed the whole ordeal for me – where it once felt out of my control and frustrating, this took tons of the stress away and relieved me of some of the burden. To me, it was worth the side effects, but I can only say that because it has worked for me. If it hadn’t – damn, I really wanted to KILL Wes for no reason, you know?

    I have to agree, as much as I don’t want to, that I don’t think it’s a great idea to take the scary Clomid without some monitoring or testing or something. I know doctors prescribe it ALL the time without much of either. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.

    That said, if you really were firmly committed, and if I didn’t think my new scary insurance company would nail me for it (which I now do – they are uptight, I am learning), I would refill my prescription for you in a heartbeat. Mexico is undoubtedly a better option if you really want to do it, but I think Saturday may be a stretch.

    I know you don’t want to do it, but I reiterate how helpful breaks have been for me in the past, even when I fought taking them.

    I’m here to support you a zillion percent whatever you guys decide.

  6. Lo Says:

    Oh, Charlotte, I wish I had something to say other than that I know exactly how you feel. (Well. Not exactly, what with us not having the other great option.) But the agony of being the partner to the TTC-er, when one is a control freak who likes to drive the bus….if I figure out how to do it with any modicum of grace, I promise to share.
    On the advice end: you wrote at one point about being a ninja IUI lesbian. Is that still a possibility, doing an IUI with Rocket Man’s sperm? That to me seems like it could be a next step rather than Clomid. (Unless I misunderstood.)

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Hi, I am from FF. Just wanted to say that I saw you mentioned an appendectomy and I’ve heard that it can be an issue. A friend of mine had one at 13 and she and her partner have been trying for more than 2 years, with clomid, IUI, IVI, fresh, frozen, etc. and she hasn’t gotten pregnant. A lap isn’t covered on her insurance so she hasn’t gotten one and they are moving on at this point. I’ve been on clomid 3 cycles and I am going to do an HSG next, so I know the difficulties of which you speak. I rarely take medication for anything and I eat veggie and organic so I know it is difficult to consider anything radioactive going into my body. Clomid sucks but it works for many people, but I would agree ultrasounds at least let you know if it is working or not. Best of luck.

  8. Married Lesbian Mom Says:

    Ina ll honesty, I couldn’t imagine the battery of tests theywould do. I think you have a good plan with doing 2 more cycles and moving onto you. Good luck in anything you do. I am thinking of both of you.

  9. Melody Says:

    I have had no side effects from the Clomid other than major bloating around ovulation time and after. Like the others have said, there’s no way I’d do it without ultrasound. I’d also ask the doctor to start me out on the smallest recommended dose– usually 50 mg. I don’t see why it would be difficult to get Clomid w/out that first appointment.

    For the record, the HSG was no big deal for me– slightly more cramping than a typical IUI. We didn’t find anything wrong with my tubes, but it did seem to clear me out judging by the aftermath of discharge (sorry for the TMI), so I’m glad we did it. It sounds like your experience with IUI (re: the tenaculum) has been really awful. I’ve never had anyone use a tenaculum on me, but I have been dilated. Since I started getting monitored with u/s, we’ve refined out timing a bit, and, miraculously, I haven’t had to be dilated since. Also, the difference between an RE insemination and an insemination at my gyno’s– HUGE. The nurses at the RE are way more experienced and gentle. My last IUI didn’t even involve any cramping. I didn’t even know she already had the catheter in.

  10. Mama2BandT Says:

    Personally, I would do the HSG and then do fresh insems…best of luck and peace of mind for whatever you ladies decide!

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