Our RE cancelled S’s appointment for a history and physical today. Fate? Anyway, I’m not sure if the doctor will prescribe Clomid for S without having completed this appointment. My question is can someone hook me up with some Clomid before Saturday (that is her CD 5)? We are under their supervision and all…but we don’t know what dosage they would prescribe. It also makes me feel a little less than great doing this on our own…but I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
S is pretty sure she does not want to do the dye test. We are looking at doing one more cycle, maybe just with Clomid. This is what S wants. She does not want to do a bunch of tests and she does not want to be pregnant badly enough to try more than twice more…not because she doesn’t want to be pregnant really really a lot, she does.
But she doesn’t want to wait more and go through testing (it is not just the dye test) it is more tenaculums, IUIs, speculums, doctors, blood draws, waiting for test results, paying money, searching, researching, scheduling and missing work…WHEN we have such a great alternative.
We boiled it down to this: if she were the only uterus in the relationship, or if we did not have an option allowing both of us to be related to the kid, she would go through all of those medical procedures, all of the tests…bravely. But because the alternative is so incredible – a super smart fabulous child that looks more like her than me, a KD who is already our children’s uncle, there are no strings, their is no weirdness. We have a child that is totally ours and is related to both of us, and we are lesbians. I mean who gets to do that?
So it is in the face of that option that S has difficulty finding the gumption and motivation to go through more ttc medical intervention hell.
Thus, one more try, two max, with Clomid, less inseminations (again this is what S wants – less stress and just inseming the day before O and the day of O), more Robitussin and then stop.
Even this could change though. She may decide not to go this cycle at all. I know, internets. Big fucking decisions here. Life changing ones.
I have come to the realization that although how we have our next baby absolutely involves me, it really needs to be up to S. How badly does she want to be pregnant and give birth? I am trying to support whatever decision she makes.
Do I even have to explain, to those of you who know me, how hard it is to totally relinquish control, to play a ‘supportive’ roll, to not have a plan and when we have a plan to know that it could change at any time and I have not control over it? To know that I might need to deal with all of my own fears and excitement about being pregnant again? That I am already grieving, to some extent, my dreams of S being pregnant?
I think you can imagine. And please share your thoughts…about Clomid, about us grappling with this choice. I really want to hear what you think…not only from those of you in similar positions but anyone who can imagine how complicated this choice is.