Period is here.
We still don’t know what we are going to do. I think we will move forward with the dye test. But this moment…sitting in front of the computer staring at another blank chart, as we begin cycle #20, I just don’t know how much more I can take. Charted cycle #20. Actual try #6.
I called all the clinics in the area and they are all very serious about known donors needing tons of testing. To the tune of $1200 at one clinic, and at the other one they require both the donor and the recipient couple to see their in house counselor. Are they fucking joking? If I am having sex, literally with a fucking bum on the street, there is no testing required, but if it is a wonderfully great friend of ours who S is not shagging, we must pay out the ass, have him poked and prodded and all os us must separately see a therapist? I am a fucking therapist. Seriuosly. The notion that we need to prove that we have THOUGHT THIS THROUGH makes me want to SCREAM.
S and I have talked this to death, and still don’t know what to do. I think the IUI situation is too complicated to do this next cycle. Or ever. I don’t want to put him through that, and S can’t lie.
Fertility Fri@nd has this to say to us:
“The first day of menstrual flow marks Day 1 of your cycle. The menstrual flow, though it looks like only blood (since it is stained by the blood) is comprised of vaginal and cervical secretions, blood and endometrial tissue.”
Thank you so much for that. What would possess them to think I would care to read that today. Thanks for the fucking ‘tidbit’.
I’m feeling lost and depleted. Tonight, we are going to light candles and sit together and see if something other thank talking can help us make a decision.