The fertility clinic experience was…interesting. They are absolutely the nicest office staff I have even encountered. Here is why I love them:
1. They always end every conversation with: ‘do you have any other questions?’ AND ‘is there anything else I can help you with?’
2. Every person I have interacted with in any way has been helpful and nice
3. They have a team of patient services advisers dedicated to HELPING you figure out what benefits and such you can expect from your insurance. They call your insurance FOR you and then explain everything to you. That is their whole job…to be nice to you and help you figure out how to get maximum benefits from your insurance.
4. The office was marble and beautiful. There was a sculpture. An orchid in the bathroom. Not a single child’s toy (which irritated me, but I thought it was great to spare those-with-no-kids-yet) and not a SINGLE pregnancy magazine to be found. I knew I loved it there when I saw the chocolates fanned out on a glass serving dish. Posh I tell you.
5. They offer mind body wellness programs.
I have no idea how common this stuff is. Are your RE offices like this??
By the way I appreciate the differing opinionss on my previos post. It gave us a lot to think about and was really helpful in formulating our questions and what we wanted from the visit.
Ultimately the doctor we met with was helpful and did not pressure us to go on Clomid, or to do invasive tests. She suggested them. There is a difference. We were not made to feel ridiculous or stupid if we want to wait. But her orientation was definitely *medical*. But, um, she an RE so duh. She did suggest that S do an HSG next cycle if this time does not work. She thinks there is good reason to do it because S had her appendix removed and sometimes that causes tube problems and other issues. She was very honest about the risks.
She was very reasonable about our choices, our timeline, the big picture, distinguishing her suggestions from her recommendations. She was lovely. We were feeling very informed and listened to….then came the insurance question.
After calling and talking to the office staff I was under the impression that she could code this consult NOT under infertility (meaning we would have a $40 copay rather than a $300 fee) but under ‘painful periods’ or ‘diagnostic workup for mysterious girly problems.’
I was wrong. She seemed a bit offended (or something less than offended, maybe uncomfortable?) that I was asking (she actually mentioned her license and ethics and stuff). I appreciate her position, but I am used to doctors being more relaxed. And she was totally reasonable in her response. However, I was not expecting this response.
So I started to get misty eyed. All I could think about was that I finally got S to come here, and this might be our last chance for some VERY unwanted but possibly necessary medical interventions to help us have a baby we wantwantwant so badly and now we will have to pay for it all and we can’t afford it, and we can’t afford $300 right before Christmas….
Then I began to actually well up and THEN my chin started quivering.
At this point S sees that I’m on a one way trip to SOBBING and she mercifully takes the paper with our questions on it and begins to talk to the doctor solo while I begin to cry in earnest, clutching LM on my lap. At this point I realize I must say something because there is no “pulling myself together.”
I explain myself, how overwhelming this all is, how frustrated I am, how much we don’t want any intervention but to not have it as an option because of money really adds insult to injury. I cried through my entire explanation. I cried again, and then again.
The RE was very nice about the whole thing and gave us some alternative places to have the HSG that are less expensive. I might be able to do something about the $300 with my insurance company. The RE is now named Dr. Ethics. But I left feeling depressed and embarrassed.
This is not to say that I regret going. I don’t. I feel like S and I have a lot to talk about, and are coming from an informed place. We were not shamed or made to feel bad in any way. Ultimately her suggestion was to get the dye test if this cycle doesn’t work, and if the cycle after the test doesn’t work, she recommends some IUI’s with or without Clomid depending on the results from some other not so invasive tests (bloodwork, an ultrasound and such) to be performed during the next month. Some of it our OBGYN could do but I REALLY don’t want to go back to Dr. Poor Social Skills ever again. Her midwife was great, but she wasn’t. We can be as aggressive or relaxed as we want with the treatments.
S and I have some decisions to make.
1. How long do we want to continue with natural insems
2. How willing is S to do the HSG
3. How do we feel about doing IUIs with fresh sperm
4. How does money factor into these decisions
5. Does S want to keep going through all this, and do we want to continue spend all this money and time and effort trying to get her pregnant, when I could just go again.
#5 is really the key. There is no easy answer there. The good news is that we are very much a team about this now. No one is polarized. No one is pressuring the other person.
Hey, maybe this next try will just work and we can put this all behind us. I hope so, because even if we are not at odds with each other, the decision to move forward with interventions, or to stop, feels gut wrenching. S and I need to have a dinner date (you know *alone* and outside of our normal environment) conversation about this stuff.
I am a total mess today. My friend was going to come over for an hour or two, and when I called to see when she was coming she cancelled. I had to quickly get off the phone so I could BAWL some more.
So I called S and WTF and cried to them a bit more.
What do y’all think about what Dr. Ethics said? About our next steps? About how complicated it is to have a two uteri household?