two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

RE Appointment December 11, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:07 pm

Tomorrow we meet with an RE at a local (well, an hour away) fertility clinic. Holy. I am usually very prepared, and I did fax them about 900 documents, charts, and intake forms last week…but I don’t really know what we are doing there. S does not want invasive stuff right now. I guess we just need to talk to a doctor who specializes in this stuff. I think she should do the dye test, but am not pressuring her. A week from now we will start try #6. We are proceeding without any intervention this time, but I guess we’ll make a plan about next month. At this point I’m pessimistic to the point of *knowing* we will need to utilize this plan.

So I ask you internets with and without REs. What should I expect? What should I ask?

What I know so far is that the very nice front desk woman talked with me on my cell phone (you know how irritating that can be) for well over 10 minutes answering all my questions. This is a GIANT plus for me because I ask a lot of questions. They do treat the gays. They are open 364 days a year (closed only on Christmas day). There are 5 or 6 doctors in the practice. This is all they do…no OBGYNs, no cancer, no baby deliveries.

What else do I want to know? I want to know how aggressive are they with drugs and treatments. Are there any other specific questions I should be prepared to ask about the dye tests, and our next steps?

I’m glad we are going, but I don’t want to have to go at all. Ya know?


8 Responses to “RE Appointment”

  1. jenny Says:

    You want to know exactly, in detail, what their policy is regarding known donors.

    You want to know if they have an attitude problem (or what I perceive as an attitude problem) about women’s understanding of their own body. In other words, does the RE trust you (or your partner) to know wtf is going on inside your body? Some of them seem to treat women like idiots who can’t tell their own vagina from a hole in the wall.

    If I think of anything else I’ll comment again.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I know nothing about REs, but want to wish you luck, I hope you get what you want from the visit.

    Hopefully try #6 will be the one and you can through the RE plan out the window.

  3. amy Says:

    you should also ask generally about cost so there aren’t any surprises. their philosophy is certainly most important but if you guys do wind up pursuing the RE route you should know what is covered by your insurance and what isn’t. sometimes the insurance company requires an official diagnosis of infertility which means ‘heterosexual’ sex for greater than one year without a pregnancy.

    good luck!!

  4. Sacha Says:

    When M. and I ended up in the clutches of Dr. Grandpa we at the fifth attempt and SO frustrated. We decided to talk to someone because we needed to make sure we were doing everything on our end possible and weren’t missing something that was keeping us from getting pregnant. Truthfully, it was a bad, bad move. His focus was at a higher level of intervention than we were comfortable with and his response to us utterly destroyed us. We needed to feel better and he did nothing to help.

    I’m going to say this knowing its 100% not my business and that you need to do what’s right for you. So, here goes:

    If you don’t know why you’re going, maybe you should cancel.

    It’s just that an RE works with a very specific population of TTC and will give you an intervention specific to that population. An RE is also part of a money making industry and is not necessarily motivated to give you advice that won’t involve using her/his services unless necessary.

    An OBGYN can probably give you the information you need right now. They can also order the dye test if you decide on that. They can test S.’ progesterone to confirm ovulation. They’re not part of the fertility industry.

    We went to an OBGYN after Dr. Grandpa and she was great. She confirmed that we were doing everything we could, helped us focus to come up with a plan and reduced our anxiety. She made us feel like TTC rock stars. She was exactly what we needed. It helped us cope with our circumstances.

    It’s just an awful lot of money to spend on something when you don’t know what you’re doing there. And I’ll say it again and again, knowing personally HOW annoying and hard it is to hear…your baby is out there and sometimes it just takes time to find her, but she’s really, really there. I want so badly for you and S. to find her and to have all this horrid and painful TTC crap over.

    Okay, you can hate me now. I know (and M. will tell you) that I can be a real pain in the ass and have a lot of opinions.

  5. Co Says:

    S. has a short luteal phase, right? So, I’d ask what they think could be done about that.

    I’d also just ask what they would recommend for two women in your situation, given that you’re tried 5 times and are trying a 6th time, and given S.’s age and health and whatnot. I know S. doesn’t want the HSG. I don’t know if she’s willing to consider fertility meds or hormones. But you can at least ask what they would recommend and why, even if ultimately S. doesn’t choose it. If the receptionist talked to you for 10 minutes on the phone, it sounds like a place that is somewhat open.

    When you visited you said something to me that has stuck with me. You said something about me going to an RE that made me feel better about my choice. It was something like, “You’re doing what women do when they have trouble getting pregnant.” That kind of made me feel better about it. It’s not the way I’d ideally want to go in a perfect world. And I’m not always a fan of my clinic. But the reality is… I know they get women pregnant. I’ve met those women in the waiting room. So, it’s where I’m at. And I want a baby.

    You and S. have your own road to walk. I think it’s worth going for an information session and to ask them what they’d recommend. It can’t hurt. Good luck!

  6. Trista Says:

    Ok, what Sacha said is good advice, but still I have to disagree with her. Maybe I just have a freaky RE… it’s possible. But if you see my post from yesterday you can see what my RE is like. Heaven for a lesbian couple. Would be perfect for you two. Run some blood tests as you two cycle naturally — follow your lead with what you want to be doing.

    For me, it was the ob/gyn who fucked me up. Treated me like I was an idiot and pushed the drugs up into higher and higher doses because she said I wasn’t ovulating, when the whole time I was just ovulating much earlier than she thought and she didn’t bother to order some blood tests to check.

    The thing is, it’s all about the personality of the doctor’s involved. I think this first visit should be a lot about determining if this doctor has the personality that you want to work with. And also understand that he (or she) is not going to have any answers for you today. There will be suggestions and probably blood tests ordered, but nothing firm.

    And Jenny’s right — get their policy on known donors. Also see if you can gauge their attitude toward known donors. For instance, our RE can’t do IUIs with known donors without us jumping through tons of hoops. However he’s very supportive of our doing inseminations with fresh at home. Here policy and attitude don’t match and that’s in our favor.

    Keep the appointment. If you’re not putting all your hopes in this person then it can’t hurt as long as you’re firm on what you are and are not willing to do.

    Good luck!

  7. Anonymous Says:

    There are ways of getting help from an RE without going immediately to drugs. I think one of the easiest is to get some blood work that confirms ovulation & tests progesterone levels. There is also the dildo scan that can check that there is actually a follicle releasing.
    Thinking of you both today & hoping that you have found a clinic that fits your needs…even if you are unsure as to what that is at this point.

  8. k77 Says:

    I walked into my first appt with Dr Chilled after 2 years of not getting fucking pregnant, told him my history and that I wanted a lap/dye/hyst. He agreed, it was done etc etc etc.

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