S and I have decided to make an appointment with a fertility clinic. I need to find out from her insurance if it is covered. If so we will go next week for a consultation. S is starting weekly acupuncture. I am starting to mark down my periods and fertility signs (no temping). We are starting the process of using me as a back up, but without taking energy away from S trying to get pregnant. We talked about the deep parts of this the other night and emerged in a better place.
I had been projecting myself onto her. I had been assuming that if we tried everything she was willing to try and it still didn’t work, she would be mortally devastated (because that is how I would feel). Apparently, not true. She would grieve and have a process around it, but would ultimately be perfectly fine with having another baby the way we had LM. And they would be biological siblings. This takes the pressure off. We are now able to feel the benefit (not just a weird competition and extra conflict and crap) of a 2 uterus home. Did you know that they way we are doing it now our kids will biologically be cousins? I didn’t know lesbians could be such hillbillies.
There was much more to the conversation, and I am too tired to write it all down. But it was good. GOOD. Like, teamwork, happy marriage good.
Ug. I am worried about WTF. I was with her the last time her cerclage was removed, and it was sooooooo f*cked. I remember when she got the first one put in. I am feeling my own trauma from this emerge as we approach this time of year.