two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Frumpy Mom October 18, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:52 pm

I have kinda become frumpy mom. My kid always looks fantastic, while I look, well, barely acceptable.

At various times in my life, I have chosen frumpiness on purpose…wearing too big clothing, not paying attention to my shoes. To hide, mostly, for myriad reasons. But I always had the sexy librarian option.

I’m 6′ tall and have good bone structure, so I could, at any time, make a transformation of sorts. It was like being a superhero.

Nobody knew what I was hiding under all those layers, then BAM.

You know, slow motion begins as I let down my hair and toss it side to side.

Boom Chica Boom Chica…

Sexy me emerges from the layers of clothing with some f*ckme red lipstick and an attitude. Everyone noticed me when I walked into a room. Super powers I tell you.

Now I am carrying around the 20 extra pounds I never shed after pregnancy, like a lump. You know what, that’s a lie. I lost most of it at one point last year after actually exercising and eating well. Amazing how uncomplicated it actually is: eat less, and move your ass. Hello? But I have food addiction issues. And with TTC comes cake.

The cake and the cinnamon buns and the cheesy quesadillas, oh and the 10pm bowl of cereal, pads my nice sharp bone structure and gives me a perky little muffin top. I have always had a bootie, so that is just bigger. I also have some boobs, which I have NEVER had in my life. That was fun for a while. Now I’m over it.

So here I am, a little rounder. Fine. But I’m not even working what I have. I’m not a voluptuous sexy chick now. You can be sexy with a muffin top, at least other people can, just don’t be trying to squeeze into those low rise jeans, please. The truth is I’m self conscious. I see pre-baby pictures of myself (when I still felt ugly and fat, but whatev.) and I can barely recognize myself. I look like a friggin supermodel.

I actually was a model for a bit when I was 16. I went to New York with F*ord models and everything.

So what the fuck people? Why am I never happy with how I look, even when I’m hot?

Unfortunately for me I still believe sometimes that I can do the librarian thing, but here’s what happens instead:

I shake out my no-style-to-speak-of-hair that maybe I washed yesterday or the day before, I put on some lipstick only to realize I have not bleached my moustache in 2 months (my son pointed to it the other day and said “mouth hair!” all proud, like he made a terrific discovery), my armpits are shaved but my legs are not, I don’t fit into any of my cool clothes anymore, and my toenail polish is all chippy. I might even look like a crack whore.

Sexy times.


4 Responses to “Frumpy Mom”

  1. Anonymous Says:


    there needs to be a workshop or something for fabulous women to love themselves in the now…or something like that.

    I have many of the same issues & I think we rage about ttc in the same way. I wonder if it all goes back to control. While logically we can control how we look by working out & eating well the tidal wave of food addiction always will crash down on us.

    or, um, maybe that is just me 😉

  2. Kim Says:

    No, sweetie, you don’t look like a crack whore; I can say that with all earnestness, even though I’ve never met you! The “Crack Whore Makeover” (CWM) is a strenuous and serious transformation, and only the most dedicated can make it through. And, sad to say, your lack of motivation to even shave your legs tells me that you’re not a prime candidate for CWM. 😉

    If you haven’t sold your sons toys for a crack rock; hocked all the electronics in the house; lost your job due to wild accusations against your boss for “being the man who’s holding you down”; or considered selling your son (hey, white kids are worth a lot on the baby market!) for a rock, then you’re not there yet. But work at it, and you too can become a Crack Whore!

    Seriously, though, don’t fret. Every woman, whether she’s 16 or 60, fat or thin, is sexy in her own way. And you can find your inner sexy-beast if you want to. Hugs!

  3. Co Says:

    As a former teacher, I much prefer the frumpy moms whose children look fantastic like LM to the moms with French manicures and snazzy clothes whose kids look completely neglected. Frumpy moms who care for their kids are cool in my book.

    But it is hard the way women always feel the need to dissect themselves and look for imperfections. None of us are perfect, so we’re bound to find something.

  4. lagiulia Says:

    Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have the unwashed hair with no particular style, chippy toe nail polish, and, er, muffin top (more like a spare tire!), AND two babies in clothes crusted with food and who-knows-what-else. Call it survival. I dream of someday doing better, but for now this is my best.
    Try not to be too hard on yourself. I have a feeling that sexy librarian of yours is lurking *just* beneath the surface… .

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