two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

SCREEEEEECH **With Update** September 21, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 4:55 am

You ready?

Some friends of ours, a straight married couple with 2 kids, just offered to be our donor. They offered before, and all of us just decided no.

She offered again today. Why? Because she has been thinking about it a great deal, and then, she read my blog. I knew she might. I gave her a link to unwellness, because Bri is so fucking awesome I felt a duty to tell my friend who has had 3 miscarriages and had only found crazy religious stupid people in an online “loss group”. And said friend is funny and has a wicked dark sense of humor that I adore and she is a smart realist, so I knew she would dig Bri. Anyhoo, I digress.


1. This is the friend of mine who has had a few miscarriages. Yeah. Dead babies. What if she gets pregnant again at the same time as S and then her baby dies again? When I asked her, this is the gist of what she said was (in my words using Sacha’s analogy for a different purpose) if another baby dies it will suck so bad it will be a massive body of water of suck, and if [my husband] is the donor, it will only be adding a bucket of suck to the OCEAN of suck. Which makes sense to me. And I believe her.

2. The husband does not look like me (but he does have brown hair and eyes and his brother kinda looks like me).

3. Part of me thinks can’t handle another KD situation and all the potential drama that could ensue. I mean, my long time readers KNOW the depths of the drama we have experienced in our KD search.

On the other hand…

1. I have never felt right about using frozen sperm.

2. This situation doesn’t feel dramatic. It never has. There are not huge feelings on either side. But it is still a KD and that caould mean some complications later on, conceivably.

3. He is a great guy, kind, smart, a touch of the gay (you know – good taste in wine, clothes, he’s well groomed). And he knows what it means to be a father, to his own kids.

4. We could drive 1 1/2 hours next week to get fresh sperm. We trust them. We would sign a contract first but everything in the contract would be a non issue. They want nothing to do with raising the kid, they don’t even need to have an “uncle” relationship.

They want to give the sperm, straight up, no strings, no attachment…just here you go, have at.

Um. Fuck.

Do we have another KD?

Are we ready for this? Can we switch, AGAIN???


**Morning update: we are leaning towards saying yes. It just sounds very appealing. S, especially, is feeling pretty sure it is a good choice for us. S has no big internal dialogue about it…she feels like if we say yes, she won’t be all angsty and wondering if we made the right decision. I am leaning towards yes too, but I always have angst about my decisions. Also we have 2 vials purchased already. It is possible to sell them to another couple at the sperm bank if our donors waiting list gets full. What do you think people, have we gone mad? **


15 Responses to “SCREEEEEECH **With Update**”

  1. Co Says:


    I can’t tell you what to do obviously, except, as you point out, frozen really isn’t what you guys wanted. If you go with fresh, I will miss hearing about the Ninja IUI thing… cuz that’d be a great post. But, I concede, you shouldn’t choose the donor based on which posts might amuse me. 😉

    Keep us posted.

    I can’t imagine how hard the decision must be. I do know how much you two went through with the last KD. But this doesn’t sound like it’d have as much drama.

  2. frog Says:

    Wow. Good luck with your decision(s)!

  3. vee Says:

    Oh wow!
    I’m really excited for you that this possibility has arisen, especially haveing read your concerns about using frozen.

    Good luck with the thinking through of things – I hope you are able to reach a decision and that. if you do go with this guy (not in the biblical sense, obviously!) that things are smooth and uncomplicated.

    Good luck!

  4. Trista Says:

    holy crap,woman!

    I wish I could help you here. I guess my only question would be do they know what was causing the miscarriages? Could it be his sperm? That would be my only question.

    Good luck making this decision. I got no words of advice, but faith you and S will make the right decision for your family.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    holy shit!!
    This is HUGE news!

    I kinda think this is one of those full circle things. They offered before & you guys weren’t feeling it- then you went through all of that bull shit with PKD, then the frozen donor angst, & now (at primo timing) they offer again. hmmmmm…I dig it.

    Have you already purchased your vial for the ninja round?

    sending you lots of clear mind to make a big choice vibes.

  6. charlotte Says:

    Yes, we already have vials purchased! I think we are leaning towards saying yes anyway though. Holy crap huh?

    The circumstances of the miscarriages are not genetic in nature, and they have 2 kids.

    Ninja round may involve fresh sperm.

    Calliope – it does feel a bit full circle.

  7. Anonymous Says:

    I’m so excited about this. wooo hooooo!!!

  8. bri Says:

    That’s exciting and sudden!

    And thanks for the kind words about me.

  9. Lo Says:

    I think it’s awesome. Also, I am wondering if you could rub some of your sperm mojo off on me that people keep offering you the stuff. 🙂

  10. hd Says:

    Wow. Kismet? Serendipity? Cool.

    I’m not a paying member of the donor sibling registry, but I do know you can sell vials there. It’s all arranged by sperm bank, BUT I think you have to be a member to even post that you have vials for sale.

    Good luck!!

  11. Sacha Says:

    Okay, I’ll say it…SAY YES.

    If S. is having no internal dialogue, that’s good. If it’s the right thing, it will snap into place. I know you’re not so hot on the frozen pop.

    The biggest factor…LM. It’s just such a good thing if LM has a KD for newbaby to have a KD too.

  12. Anonymous Says:

    just going to be a dork & comment that it is very cool that something this huge is (maybe) happening at the New Moon…

  13. frog Says:

    Can’t you just return the vials? It’s an option at our bank (I believe–we only buy what we need for any given cycle, so it’s not a priority for us).

  14. Grrlscout Says:

    We have appreciated reading all your posts on the donor front, as we are faced with making the unknown/knoown decision in the next few months. Its always nice to know you have company in the struggle.

    I too, have been struggling with the frozen sperm route, but have the hangups one might expect using a known donor (the legal stuff).

    But, even so, I say, go for it.

  15. charlotte Says:

    just checking my pic

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