Some friends of ours, a straight married couple with 2 kids, just offered to be our donor. They offered before, and all of us just decided no.
She offered again today. Why? Because she has been thinking about it a great deal, and then, she read my blog. I knew she might. I gave her a link to unwellness, because Bri is so fucking awesome I felt a duty to tell my friend who has had 3 miscarriages and had only found crazy religious stupid people in an online “loss group”. And said friend is funny and has a wicked dark sense of humor that I adore and she is a smart realist, so I knew she would dig Bri. Anyhoo, I digress.
1. This is the friend of mine who has had a few miscarriages. Yeah. Dead babies. What if she gets pregnant again at the same time as S and then her baby dies again? When I asked her, this is the gist of what she said was (in my words using Sacha’s analogy for a different purpose) if another baby dies it will suck so bad it will be a massive body of water of suck, and if [my husband] is the donor, it will only be adding a bucket of suck to the OCEAN of suck. Which makes sense to me. And I believe her.
2. The husband does not look like me (but he does have brown hair and eyes and his brother kinda looks like me).
3. Part of me thinks can’t handle another KD situation and all the potential drama that could ensue. I mean, my long time readers KNOW the depths of the drama we have experienced in our KD search.
On the other hand…
1. I have never felt right about using frozen sperm.
2. This situation doesn’t feel dramatic. It never has. There are not huge feelings on either side. But it is still a KD and that caould mean some complications later on, conceivably.
3. He is a great guy, kind, smart, a touch of the gay (you know – good taste in wine, clothes, he’s well groomed). And he knows what it means to be a father, to his own kids.
4. We could drive 1 1/2 hours next week to get fresh sperm. We trust them. We would sign a contract first but everything in the contract would be a non issue. They want nothing to do with raising the kid, they don’t even need to have an “uncle” relationship.
They want to give the sperm, straight up, no strings, no attachment…just here you go, have at.
Do we have another KD?
Are we ready for this? Can we switch, AGAIN???
**Morning update: we are leaning towards saying yes. It just sounds very appealing. S, especially, is feeling pretty sure it is a good choice for us. S has no big internal dialogue about it…she feels like if we say yes, she won’t be all angsty and wondering if we made the right decision. I am leaning towards yes too, but I always have angst about my decisions. Also we have 2 vials purchased already. It is possible to sell them to another couple at the sperm bank if our donors waiting list gets full. What do you think people, have we gone mad? **