two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Please don’t hate me September 15, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 5:35 am

I have some things I need to say about the TTC community that have been brewing and stewing for some time, but I have been hesitant to write about it because I don’t want to offend people. I am referring to stuff on the message boards on our favorite TTC sites, you know which ones I’m talkin’ about. I suppose I am just going to saw ‘aw hell’ and proceed with my gripes list, even if you hate me for it.

1. The religious vibe. I do not like the HEAVY emphasis on G-d, and Chr-stianity (I’m blocking some letters on purpose so the folks searching for Chr-stian blogs don’t stumble upon this diatribe).

There is a very white, conservative, bible-belty feeling in the TTC community in general.

2. The signatures. My personal aesthetic does not jive with the sparkly, blinky, angel winged signatures, on the boards. And if you love this stuff, more power to you (seriously), but there are no graphic options for people like me, who don’t like want a sparkling pink box that says “prayin’ for a blessing”, or a blinking clover next to a leprechaun holding a basal thermometer.

3. The abbreviations. I HATE all of the abbreviations. Hate them. They seem juvenile and they feel conservative and 6th grade, and just plain crazy to me. They remind me of how people use creepy nicknames for body parts (although I am partial to some nicknames like vajayjay), like winky-do for penis, or tinkly-winkly time for going pee.

Just say penis. Just say pee.

Just say sex. Or abbreviate it SX, not BD for baby dancing. I mean how gross is that?? And I’m not just bitter because we can’t ‘BD’.

I want to barf all over the term ‘baby dancing’. It is not dancing. It is sex. SEX with genitals, and hopefully orgasms, and sweat, and lust. Maybe it is different from regular sex, but baby dancing it is not.

And the whole DH, DP, DD, DS. Why put “darling” before everything. I never ever use that word. Ever. And I don’t want to.

I don’t want to call my period Aunt Flo (AF). Why can’t the abbreviation be P or something?

Some abbr. are fine like BFN (Big Fat Negative). Or EWCM (Egg White Cervical Mucus). Fine. Makes sense. Isn’t grossly cute. Thank you for not calling it SBJ (Stretchy Baby Juice) or something nasty like that.

I am surprised that the abbr. for ovulation is O and not EMC for ‘Eggy McCuteness’.

3. TMI. There is a widespread trend, maybe it is even proper TTC etiquette, to preface normal discussions of body parts and bodily functions with “TMI” (Too Much Information), or” TMI?”, or “sorry TMI :)” when discussing the gory parts of the TTC process. I don’t think anyone should have to apologize for discussing normal bodily functions.

Please don’t apologize for talking about gas, or semen obscured cervical fluid. It is not TMI to discuss checking fluid internally. Or it’s consistency. I mean is it really TMI to discuss putting your fingers in your own vajayjay?

Also, hello…some people get diarrhea before ovulating. Don’t tell me how it smells please, but don’t apologize for writing the word.

I mean we are not discussing baseball statistics here, or book binding. We are talking about making babies and pregnancy and giving birth. It makes me angry and sad that we are so ashamed of our bodies.

Pregnancy and birth are gory, people.

Making, birthing and raising babies is not for the faint of heart.

There is discharge, there are hemorrhoids and errant hairs. There is blood and shit involved. And it is miraculous and beautiful. Powerful. I have never been so awed by my body. It is life and death. Sex and operating rooms. Birthing tubs. Catheters and syringes. Sperm, blood, urine, breast milk. Love. Terror.

Oh and please don’t hate me. Please. I couldn’t bear it because I also love the TTC community, and I don’t know how I would survive this without the message boards and you all for support an humor. I am so grateful for the Internet and all of you, seriously.

But please, lets not reduce all this to pleasantries, pink sparkles, and Jesus.


20 Responses to “Please don’t hate me”

  1. vee Says:

    You are totally my hero for saying that!!
    I’m not nearly as brave as you and do often feel obliged to pussyfoot around those words with naff abbrviations and euphemisms that are totally ALIEN to me, simply for fear of offending others. NO MORE!

    The “Say What You Bloody Well Mean” campaign is born! And yes, that probably was a screaming, bleeding, shitting powerhouse of a birth.

    Go Charlotte!

  2. Co Says:

    We could never hate you… especially not for just voicing how you feel.

    I don’t frequent the boards of which you speak, but they sound annoying to me. What I dislike most about the abbreviations is the insider/outsider dynamic they create.

  3. bri Says:

    I almost spewed coffee over my keyboard at “Stretchy Baby Juice” which may now be my new favorite term.

    And I have made a concerted effort to NEVER write AF (I am sure I slipped in bowing to social mores a few times) because I would NEVER call it Aunt Flo.

    And, obviously, I have never used the term BD. I feel similarly about it.

  4. Brooke Says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I’ve had similar thoughts brewing for some time now, but have only been able to vent to Sarah with explitives like “are these women fucking 12? Why are their husbands & kids DARLINGS?” Gag, gag, gag.

    Tell it like it is, right? And yeah, baby dancing – how nasty is that? (I second Bri’s response to SBJ – it’s amazing that “they” haven’t coined that term yet.)

  5. Trista Says:

    Well, I don’t know about you, but I ALWAYS refer to ovulation as Eggy McCuteness. I mean, hello? SO CUTE!

    There’s a reason that I only hang out on one discussion board… (and not the same one you do, I think)

  6. art-sweet Says:

    Check out
    (alittlepregnant)blinkies for infertiles! You are not alone in your loathing. Not alone at all.

    Stretchy Baby Juice makes me think of willy wonky and the chocolate factory.

  7. Sacha Says:

    Okay, I pretty much just rolled around in a fit of laughter on my way too dirty kitchen floor.

    You go!

    I hate that particular site. For even more reasons than you mention (mainly, the level of censorship they practice on a regular basis).

    The abbreviations drive me wacky. Esp. BD. Good lord, you’re going ot fuck each other. Okay.

    And the blinkies…and affront to every urban alterna-hip lesbian in the world. They should have a blinky quota…more than two and you get booted off.

    Those people, the ones that would hate you, well, they would never be cruising through the lesbian TTC world anyway.

    Lots of stretchy baby juice and love!

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Hilarious. Awesome post!!!

  9. Wendy & Karen Says:

    I love this post!! Well written and I agree with you completely!

  10. Grrlscout Says:

    This post makes me very happy. I usually lurk (many times hiding because I am afraid of the blinking/glittery/flashing angel winged signatures, and feeling happy that I am the “other”)-

    but this post made me want to say

  11. vee Says:

    At the risk overkill, I want to share –

    I had to actually asked one of their advisors what BD meant, the first time I came across the term (she’d used the term in a reply to a query of mine).

    I could almost feel the heat of her furious blushes emanating from the screen in waves when I read her reply – she couldn’t even bring herself to use the word s.e.x. It was intercourse. Shh.

    I confess that I couldn’t resist replying that, as a lesbian, though I have plenty of great, hot and horny sex, thanks, it wasn’t gonna get me pregnant, although we were hoping that the warm jar of spunk syringed up my hoohah might!

    I’m sure she’s still praying for me.

  12. Anonymous Says:

    Oh I can say relate to what you are saying! I totally agree with everything you are saying!! You go girl! :o)

  13. Beth Says:

    I think the D is “Dear” rather than “Darling” – at least, it was back in my USENET days 8 or 9 years ago, when everyone in the stitching groups would refer to their spouses as “DH”. Ironically, they were not shy about the word SEX, except they used it to refer to shopping: “Stash Enhancement eXperience”.

    And be careful about those blinkies – someone (can’t remember who) got in trouble for “stealing” someone else’s blinkie.

    One of these days, I’ll get around to actually making my “Jesus would think for Himself” blinkie.

  14. M. Says:

    Heh. If you can believe it, I found a lot of the same bullshit on the adoption boards – we were exempt from Eggy McCuteness, but not from BD (so many infertiles on the adoption boards) and enough angel babies to make a person want to throw up.

  15. Anonymous Says:

    Too damn funny, well said!

  16. calliope Says:

    I hate hate hate the terms “AF”, “DH” & “TWW”.

    I have never, ever used the term aunt flo for my period until I felt like it was required netiquette when on THAT site. ugh.

    (p.s. could never hate you!)

  17. hd Says:

    I don’t visit “that board” anymore, but I know of which you speak. To be honest, I never commented much because I was afraid I was going to either misuse some abbreviation or say something wrong.

    And like Bri, ditto on spewing the coffee on the keyboard, except my breaking point was Eggy McCuteness. Damn, that’s funny.

  18. frog Says:

    Amen, sisterfriend.

    When I first started posting in the TTC community, I vowed that the only acronym I’d ever use for my period was BLASP (bleeding like a stuck pig). 🙂

    Vee, you’re hilarious.

    I’d actually forgotten about the crazy signatures–I have them turned off.

  19. J-Le Says:

    i am with you 100% on all of that!

  20. Kim Says:

    What a fantastic rant! I agree with you SO much, in general about the infertility crowd, and specifically about THAT site. Ugh! As a single woman trying to have a baby, I probably have experienced the same “I don’t belong here” vibe you’re talking about. You are SO preaching to the choir [to throw in a gratuitous, and purely in the vein of humor, religious reference]. ;-D

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