OK, I was gonna just skip this post, but I kinda made a decision when I started this blog to be honest.
Listen to the latest development in the sperm drama that is our life (and if you follow this blog you know there have been MANY layers of drama upon drama upon more sperm drama):
Now we are freaked out that it may have worked.
COME ON. We had great timing, so now we are freaked out that maybe it worked???
I wish we hadn’t used this donor. S feels the same way. She is the one who brought it up.
WE ARE CRAZY PEOPLE.
I mean seriously, if I were reading this I would slam down my coffee and say “those ungrateful lesbians, they have a kid already, they love each other madly, and they timed their latest insemination perfectly with a great donor who they originally wanted to use more.than.anything.”
“What the f.u.c.k.,” you might ask.
We realized in the car today, during a half fight (you know when you are kinda blamey and petty, but before any yelling?), that we both thought the other person wanted to use Dimples the Donor (despite each of us saying we didn’t), and instead of either of us listening to the other person, or being very clear about what we wanted, we just did a crazy miscommunication and ended up using a donor this cycle that neither of us wanted to use.
Is there anything wrong with Dimples? Absolutely not. He is a fabulous, smart, artistic, funny person. The child would be lucky to meet this man someday. But he doesn’t look like me. Apparently, we have become VERY attached to the possiblity that the kid could look like me. Sounds petty. Feels petty to say.
I actually feel super freaked out about this, enough to make me wonder if I want S to be pregnant.
Really I am embarrassed even to write this, because it feels very, um…crazy.
How did this happen? How did we do such a freaky miscommunication? We both thought we were doing the other person a favor. We both thought we were protecting the other person. Have we gone mad?
I don’t know people. I almost think it is funny, but not yet.