two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

The Club August 25, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:12 pm

There is a club, and if you are not a part of it you may not know it exists, or you might be painfully aware of your exclusion. This exclusive club is for Those-Who-Are-Pregnant-OR-Who-Already-Have-Children (TWAPOATWAHC)**

Now, I am a member of this club.

While I was pregnant, I began to get the nods, the knowing looks, and the questions. When you are pregnant they ask when you are due, how you are feeling. When you have a newborn they ask how you are sleeping. When you have a one-year-old they ask if he/she is walking. When you have a toddler, they ask a myriad of questions about potty training and obedience. There are the competitive leading questions where moms talk about how hard it is to have such accomplished children. There is the advice giving. But mainly it’s nice. It’s communal.

Nice right?


But only if you are in it, and even then…

DO I want to be part of a club where any of the following conditions are excluded or offered a partial membership.

‘The Adopting’: Bummer for you. Your entire ‘waiting for a child’ period is completely invisible, and you only get invited in once you have said children. Unless…

‘Your Child is a Different Color’: You are kinda invited, but people might think you are the nanny, or be too freaked out to ask whether that brown (or white) baby is, in fact, your child, and if so how did you get such an exotic baby.

‘The Two Mom or Two Dad Deal’: If one of you is alone with the baby, maybe you get invited. But when you are strolling in the park on a lovely blue-skied day, no one thinks “what a cute family” and no one gives you the subsequent nod.

‘The Fat’: Unless you are skinny with a bump, people don’t want to ask you if you are pregnant. You might miss the whole pregnants-get-attention thing.

‘The Butch’: If you are a pregnant butch, or a butch mama, no one really knows what to do with you.

“The Single”: You are granted full membership, until they find out that you don’t have a man. Then you get some amazement and pity, and you get demoted.

Once folks talk to you, and find out you are pregnant and not just fat, or find out that you are in fact a woman, you may get a pass. A temporary card.

And for folks like me, who mostly fit perfectly into the club (except the whole lesbian thing I am tall and attractive and thin and feminine), I sometimes want to run away screaming.

I want to run over to the woman in the park covered in tattoos, and pull my pants down to show her the giant tattoo on my ass, and say “I’m a rebel too.”

I want to wear a sign to the park that says: “my wife is a Dyke.”

Sometimes while some boring normal suburban women is talking about her stupid boring life and her stupid boring kid, I want to say “I’ve had a threesome.”

I want to be part of the weirdo club. The club of the infertile, the gays, the adoptive folks, the single moms, the biracial families, the trans dad who used to be a mom (shout out to wellness).

I belong with you, on the outskirts of the club, smoking outside the gym (ok, maybe drinking half-caf at a coffee house now that we are all old and stuff), dressed in all black.

I want to fit in with you. I want to be myself.

You all are my people. Fuck the club.


7 Responses to “The Club”

  1. Round is Funny Says:

    Oooh, I love this. Can I be in your club too, please? Yours is much more fun.

  2. art-sweet Says:

    Can I sign up?

    And hey, wait a minute, you’re pregnant? Did I miss something big or am I misreading?

  3. J Says:

    NIcely put. Usually I stick with Groucho and “wouldn’t want to join any club that would have me as a member,” but this one sounds nice.

  4. Co Says:

    Our lesbian friends have a foster baby who is a different color. While shopping at a food coop in NYC, a woman walking by them told the baby, “Hey, kid. You’re with the wrong parents” or something like that. Grr…

    I don’t want to be in a club. I want to be in a community. I feel blessed to have found this wonderful TTC-and-everything-in-between community in the blogosphere. You guys rock.

    Thanks for the post. It made me things about some things I’ve never considered before.

    And about what art-sweet said… I had the same thought. You’re not in the TWAPATWAHC club yet right?

  5. Wendy & Karen Says:

    Whether it’s a “club” or just a label, I firmly detest them all and think you nailed the exclusivity factor that is at the heart of prejudicial behavior. The mainstream, card-carrying club members think they’ve got the monopoly on what/who is a mom or what/who is a family. “I belong, but you don’t, because you’re not just like me” seems to be the club slogan.

    I’m all for boycotting “The Club” (all of them) and simply being in the “I” club. I am who I am, and who I am is pretty terrific!

    Great post!

    – Karen

  6. charlotte Says:

    I’M NOT PREGNANT, but I was pregnant 2 years ago with LM, and now I have a child who looks like me (hence member of the club, except for the gay thing).

    Sorry for the confusion, but really people, I would be talking non-stop about it if I were pregnant!

  7. bri Says:

    Thanks for the shout-out!

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