We went for a fantabulous trip to a River with friends over the last few days. I feel renewed on all fronts. Now, back to the TTC junk.
I am learning a lot about myself and us in this process, on 8 days past ovulation.
I think we will test on 10 or 11 DPO. S wants to wait until 11+ DPO. We disagree and must reach a consensus.
We already purchased (well, I purchased) an Answer Early Result Pregnancy Test Box. Yes, I have read the enclosed pamphlet not once but thrice, and I love the pic of the lady peeing on the stick whilst standing up – good times.
It says that the test detects hCG in 69% of women 4 days before expected period, in 83% of women 3 days before expected period and 93% of women 2 days before expected period. What that means to us is 10 DPO (Tues), 11 DPO (Wed) and 12 DPO (Thurs), respectively. I want Tuesday, S wants Wednesday or Thursday.
This may appear to be a boring list of numbers and days, and a boring and stupid discussion about what day we should test on, but in fact it is not. The discussion is about our roles as parents, our feelings about motherhood, disappointment, life, the unknown, karma, jinxes and money. For tha realz.
For me, seeing a negative is not super shitty (yet, at least) so I want to test early, but for S it feels really bad to see a negative. If it were me, I would be peeing on stuff right now. In fact when it was me I started POAS at 7 DPO, like a crazy pee person.
But ladies, I better get used to the fact that it isn’t me. Not my body. Not my pee. It is so strange to experience this process again, without my body involved AT ALL. I am not going to pee on anything, get pregnant, grow a baby, give birth, breastfeed.
It is S’s turn. Her body. Sometimes in my darker moments I’m also afraid it will be her baby.
My mom just bought me the book, “Confessions of the Other Mother,” by Harlyn Aisley. I read a few stories (each from a different lesbian couple), and they were simultaneously validating and a bit depressing. Sometimes I want to know that other people are jealous and crazy too, but this time it just seemed to confirm that I am in a difficult situation, moving from bio-mom to non-bio-mom.
So you see, the POAS issue is really quite a deep and complex topic for us.
What do y’all think? When did you test? How do you feel about the being the bio or non bio mom? (BTW, is there a better word than non-bio mom or ‘other mother’? Because there is a difference. Those of you lesbians not yet in this situation may not know that there really are differences in the roles. I want a better name, one that does not have ‘non’ in the title.)