dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

No. June 26, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 9:54 pm

It is a no. We were expecting a no, but NOT in a FUCKING public place, NOT in a cafe right after ordering, NOT after having it set up in the following way:

S told Him look, if it is a straight up no, just tell me now, so we don’t have an emotional restaurant experience, we just want to know right now so we can have our reaction. HE says wwe had a great session with the counselor, it is not a straight up no, and we want to tell you together. So S tells me this and we head to lunch confused…expecting a yes, and formulating our own questions and stuff.

So we get there and He says, they had a great session, grew as a couple, blah, blah, we can’t do it right now, because we don’t know what’s going on with our family yet. I expected this, but not after expecting a fucking yes for 2 hours. And then we are like, so it’s a no. And they are like, no it’s just that we can’t do it right now.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.

We did not ask you if you could help us have our baby at some point in the coming YEARS. And to that you are saying maybe.

No, we asked if you can help us now. So admit, for god’s sake that you are saying NO. The answer is NO.

And don’t tell us no in a fucking cafe, after a lead up that makes us think it is a yes. And take responsibility for saying NO. NO sucks. NO is way worse than ‘we probably can after we figure out our own family’. So admit it, say NO. Jesus, we deserve that, at least.

Additionally because I did not get our act together earlier in the month like I said I was, we will now have to miss the July ovulation (at the sperm bank) as well.

I know you all “told me so”. I know everyone thinks we are stupid for not saying no ourselves months ago. And we are.

We are also back to square one after 5 months…only with less money and more pessimism.

P.S. S and I did talk to Him a few hours later and told him we were mad about the way they told us etc. He immediately appologized and told us that they did not think it through well at all, they just did not want to keep us waiting. I also told him we will need some TIME, and that I’m upset, even though I don’t want to be. He said he understands if we are angry for a while and to take our time, and appologized again ofr the wait, the way they wold us and just the whole thing in general. I do not hate them, or think they are bad folks. It was not an intentional set up, just insensitive. Just to be fair I must say that they both feel really super badly, blah, blah, blah.

Advertisements
 

14 Responses to “No.”

  1. Trista Says:

    Oh, God. I am so sorry. That really, really sucks. How insensitive of them. They grew as a couple, but did they grow as PEOPLE?

    i’m sorry. That was probably unasked for. But that’s really shitty.

  2. Calliope Says:

    oh crap!!! How horrible horrible horrible!
    I agree with Trista- that was the most insesitive way to have told ya’ll.
    Good riddance- you don’t need that sort of dna!!!

    I am so so sorry. I know it smarts.

  3. remy Says:

    yep that fully totally sucks.

  4. art-sweet Says:

    What Trista & Cali said. Selfish dna has no business in the dosmamas family. I totally think you should point out to him that if you hadn’t wasted those six months, waiting for him and wifey to get off their frickin’ tushies and make a decision, you might be pregnant already.

    I hope, although this may bring karma crashing down on my head, that when he and wife start TTC, they find out he’s shooting blanks, and they have to use donor sperm!

  5. mermaidgrrrl Says:

    I am just so freakin relieved that this happened now instead of after you were already pregnant or something. I know this sucks dogs balls at the moment, but you would have been really miserable if you were already pregnant and then they wanted part custody or something. Yech! I hope you told him to stick his skanky sperm somewhere 😉

    I must say, I’m kind of scared of the whole know donor thing. We tried to go that route and asked someone and did some preliminary discussion, but it fizzled out and I’m kind of glad it did in hindsight. It could have gotten so messy and miserable, and instead we are now still friends with the guy and everything’s cool. I so admire people who can use a KD and make it work, but it still makes me crap my pants with fear thinking about the stuff that can go wrong.
    Before you know it you’ll be choosing the most rocking donor profile and be excited at starting the next part of your family!

  6. Co Says:

    I’m so sorry, Charlotte. And not that you need my validation, but you are completely right to feel like they took the easy way out. Their answer is NO. They should be able to admit that… to you, S., and themselves. And after all this time and processing, they should have found a respectful way and place to break the news.

    And, for the record, I don’t think you and S. are stupid for playing this hand out. I don’t think time is wasted pursuing something that you two clearly wanted for many good reasons. (I mean now that it’s a definite NO, you have a right to feel like it was time wasted in retrospect and you clearly do, but when there was a chance it would be a YES, it wasn’t.) I think it was worth seeing how it played out and you played it really well. A lot of your posts recently have been self-protective, talking about how it’s probably a NO and what your Plan B is. So, I think you wanted it enough that you were willing to see how it played out, but you also were smart enough not to put all your eggs (no pun intended) in one basket.

  7. Brooke Says:

    Geez. What utter CRAP. And yeah, they may be lovely people, yadda, yadda, yadda, but this still sucks for you & well, judging from the method by which they told you, they could have benefitted from a wee bit of sensitivity training. No one is saying “I told you so” (here, anyway) – you so badly wanted to make this work & you did what you needed to do to follow that path. It just sucks that the outcome (after all the time, all that emotional work) is not what you were hoping for. Damn, damn, damn. Big hugs to you & S.

  8. Lo Says:

    Wow, they really suck. Maybe not in every way, but how lame!!
    You have told many stories on your blog about knowing people who are extraordinarily sensitive to lesbians. This is SO not one of them….I’m sorry it ended this way.

  9. Lo Says:

    Wow, they really suck. Maybe not in every way, but how lame!!
    You have told many stories on your blog about knowing people who are extraordinarily sensitive to lesbians. This is SO not one of them….I’m sorry it ended this way.

    P.S. I love art-sweet’s comment….;-)

  10. hd Says:

    Oy. WTF? It gets WAY the hell under my skin when people say things like, “Oh, we just didn’t think it through” about something that YOU have been thinking about endlessly. Oy. Sorry girls.

  11. ~ daniellehttp://alazyknitter.wordpress.com Says:

    big squishy hugs and be gentle with yourselves. I wish it hadn’t happened that way for you, he should have told you when you asked, it was (however intentional) a set up for major disappointment. Don’t beat yourself up, everything happens for a reason and there is some reason that this time was ‘wasted’. You are in my thoughts :-/

  12. tonya cinnamonhttp://www.ramblinggirl.tonyacinnamon.com Says:

    oh my god i am soo sorry . i cant stand asshole people who cant make up their minds and play with your heart.
    i am sorry about missing july but august is a new month and you all may the best results then! lots of hugs to you all!!!!!!

  13. tonya cinnamonhttp://www.ramblinggirl.tonyacinnamon.com Says:

    oh my god i am soo sorry . i cant stand asshole people who cant make up their minds and play with your heart.
    i am sorry about you all missing july but august is a new month and you all may get the best results then! lots of hugs to you all!!!!!!

  14. M. Says:

    I’m so sorry Charlotte! What a crappy way to tell you. I think I would have hated having that conversation in public indeed, especially after feeling like the answer was maybe a yes. As Mermaidgrrrl said, I too am relieved that they were finally able to say no so that you could move on instead of them having all these issues after you were pg.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s