The other day LM and I were having a playdate with his friend B. B’s dad was leaving for work , and everyone was saying goodbye to him, and LM says “bye bye daddy”.
Fucking funny. I say, “that is B’s daddy”.
LM says, “yes, daddy…bye daddy”.
Mostly I think this is adorable and it cracks S and I up. But then in creeps something else. It was the first time I was pained with the undeniable fact that LM has no daddy. Sure two moms are super cool, but he is missing something that other kids have, something cultural, something biological, something important.
Just because I am so incredibly pro queer families does not mean that I cannot admit that LM is missing something. Even though he will get all the love he needs, all the parenting he needs, he has no dad. I think it is important for me to hold this space for him. To allow for more than one truth at the same time, and to not be so defensive because of our cultural homophobia that I deny some real sadness that he will absolutely have in some capacity, and that I have too, unexpectedly.
I am also feeling that is it more important than ever for this little boy, and all little boys and girls for that matter, to have great, loving men in their loves. Men who are funny and kind and brave.
Men who are respectful of women.
So we are redoubling our efforts to make sure that LM is regularly around some fabulous men.
And a shout out to all of the beautiful men in our lives, there are not many, but the few we have are so incredible with LM.
Happy father’s, or men-who-are-great-role-models-to-kids-in-their-lives, day to all of us.