One of my best friends is kinda neurotic, but funny and smart and I totally love her. So we are talking yesterday and she says:
I have a little thought, not a big though but a little thought, ready?
What about [my husband]?
Another sperm offer! Another sperm opportunity that won’t work!
There are many reasons it won’t work, but it is always nice to have options. I don’t know why it feels like an automatic no, but it just does. They are too close, and our kids would be connected to theirs, and it just isn’t right, in our gut. Ya know?
BTW I am feeling sooooooooo over waiting for The Wife. I mean seriously. What if she even says yes. At this point I’m gonna be scared she’ll freak out later. Oh, I hate TTC.
I just want a baby. A sibling for LM. A lovely little screaming thing that will suck all the remaining time and love and energy I have left. Do I sound bitter?
Here are the other reasons why I am feeling like shit:
- S’s job is a bit shakey (the company has yet to get a new gig, and funding runs out in June.)
- I don’t have a job.
- I am in a fight that is not being talked about and can’t really be talked about (for various complex reasons I won’t go into) with my best friend (we have been having issues for a while and she may be not my best friend anymore).
- My house is a mess
- All of this is making me feel stressed and insecure, thusly all of my past insecurities are surfacing (you know the stuff: no one likes me, I’m ugly, no one will hire me, we will never have another baby, someone will die, we will loose our home).
It is loads of fun in the Charlotte and S household. But someone did offer us sperm, becuase they want to help us have a baby. Which is nice.
But May still sucks.