dosmamas

two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

May Sucks May 4, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 1:47 am

One of my best friends is kinda neurotic, but funny and smart and I totally love her. So we are talking yesterday and she says:

I have a little thought, not a big though but a little thought, ready?

Yes.

What about [my husband]?

Another sperm offer! Another sperm opportunity that won’t work!

There are many reasons it won’t work, but it is always nice to have options. I don’t know why it feels like an automatic no, but it just does. They are too close, and our kids would be connected to theirs, and it just isn’t right, in our gut. Ya know?

BTW I am feeling sooooooooo over waiting for The Wife. I mean seriously. What if she even says yes. At this point I’m gonna be scared she’ll freak out later. Oh, I hate TTC.

HATE IT.

I just want a baby. A sibling for LM. A lovely little screaming thing that will suck all the remaining time and love and energy I have left. Do I sound bitter?

Here are the other reasons why I am feeling like shit:

  1. S’s job is a bit shakey (the company has yet to get a new gig, and funding runs out in June.)
  2. I don’t have a job.
  3. I am in a fight that is not being talked about and can’t really be talked about (for various complex reasons I won’t go into) with my best friend (we have been having issues for a while and she may be not my best friend anymore).
  4. My house is a mess
  5. All of this is making me feel stressed and insecure, thusly all of my past insecurities are surfacing (you know the stuff: no one likes me, I’m ugly, no one will hire me, we will never have another baby, someone will die, we will loose our home).

It is loads of fun in the Charlotte and S household. But someone did offer us sperm, becuase they want to help us have a baby. Which is nice.

But May still sucks.

The end.

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5 Responses to “May Sucks”

  1. Lo Says:

    Oh, Charlotte, UGH. There are only three things in my head that are worth saying:

    a) I like you.
    b) You’re not ugly.
    c) I think it’s very, very good to have an instinct about which sperm would work and which wouldn’t. Largely because I know people and have heard of people who lacked that instinct and it really does hurt later on. I know I am saying this partly to myself, but I do think we are both wise to be careful.

  2. Brooke Says:

    Yikes, yikes, yikes!! I’m so sorry to hear that May is the Festival of Suckage for you :O I agree with Lo in that sometimes it’s good to listen to your gut, and while it might be soooo tempting to go with this offer, if it doesn’t feel right now, there’s a good chance that it would feel severely wrong later. And bitterness? Girl, I am the QUEEN of bitterness. Sometimes you just have to stew in it for a while, but I have faith that the Universe has good plans in store for you (yes, because I’ve got a direct line to the Universe itself, you see). Sending you serenity and hope…

  3. Stephanie Says:

    I’m delurking to tell you how much I love this blog. You’re a fantastic writer and I hope things work out. I, too, am sending good thoughts and hope your way. Serenity will come, I’m sure. 🙂

  4. Trista Says:

    Oh Charlotte. (Is that the name of a song somewhere?)

    You are beautiful. I know because I saw your profile pic and it’s hot. Hot with 2 t’s even. Hott.

    But more than that, you are a loving and compassionate person.

    And I know that my (a stranger) saying that may make you feel better for a fleeting second, and then the bad voices will croud in and all the insecurities and fears and crappity crapness will come back. But I’m saying it anyway, because it’s true.

    May is a long month, so I hope it gets better, because you have weeks left to go (oh, I’m so comforting, aren’t I?) And, just say No to bad sperm. Kristin’s best friend offered us her husband’s sperm because they had struggled with infertility (the problem wasn’t his sperm) and though the offer was heartfelt, it would have been a bad match, and so we graciously turned them down.

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you both on the job front.

  5. Calliope Says:

    Yes, in agreeement on the suckage of May.
    You are a wonderful, amazing woman.
    How great to have another sperm offer, but even greater that you had clarity to listen to your gut.
    Is frozen spermicicle totally out?


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