two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

We Need a Break April 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 11:13 pm

**Before I get started I wanted to say: for a bit of fun go to – type: failure – click on “I’m Feeling Lucky” tab. Hah!**

OK folks, here’s the sad scoop:

KD came over last night to do a conference call with us and The Wife.

Their answer is…maybe.
They need more time.

They need to wait until she comes (5 1/2 weeks away) to make a final decision. She apologized for the change from ‘yes’ to ‘maybe’, but they are trying to figure out what is best for their family and ours. The Wife has been confused, stressed trying to finish school, stressed about moving, stressed about being so far from her husband, stressed about donorship. She is having trouble separating out her feelings. She has been feeling really possessive of his sperm and sad that the 1st genetic baby of his will not be hers.

I want to be mad at her but truly, I would be feeling the same feelings. And she wants to talk to some other folks who have donated, be able to talk to her husband regularly. She can’t tell if her other life stressors are being transfered onto the donorship issue. When she gets here she’s into going to a few sessions with a counselor with us, someone who has dealt with this issue. You gotta give it to her, she isn’t giving up.

It all makes perfect sense, really.

But for S. and I, well, we are beyond disappointed. And there is more waiting. I can barely stand it. Part of me wants to go running to the sperm bank, but we can’t even afford to do that right now, even if we want to. Plus, we are hearty folk. I think we will end up sticking it out with PKD (sadly, the P must return), and seeing what happens. Who knows.

So our big decision is: WE ARE TAKING A BREAK.

We are taking a month off of making any baby decisions, we are taking a month off of talking about it all the time, we are taking a month off of stressing out about it all the time.

I’m not sure what this means in terms of blogging. I think I may need to take a break from the computer as well. Maybe take an Aikido class, or pottery, have some sex, make some lasagne. Maybe I can blog about other stuff. We’ll see.

We so desperately need a break. We need to reconnect with each other. We need to reconnect with LM and spend some time enjoying the family we already are.

I am attempting not to spend the day crying.


10 Responses to “We Need a Break”

  1. Lo Says:

    Charlotte, I just send you hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs. I wish there were something else to say.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    There IS something more to say! And that’s that you are so loved, and so appreciated, and fully heard. Your readers get it, we get you, we get the PKD and his wife and their perspectives. It’s a heart-wrenching story, and your readers want this for you and so I’m sad to think of you not blogging, but on the other hand, I understand how blogging can feed on the obsessiveness a bit, rather than providing an outlet for it.

    I actually started a blog about our TTC journey, and just decided it would make TTC too much of my identity, rather than one aspect of my lovely life.

    You’re all incredibly couragous, you’re both fierce in your love for your future child, and I get strength from learning how your story is going, but I totally respect your need for a break.

    Good for you, and good luck, whatever happens next.


  3. Sara Says:

    I’m sorry that their answer turned into a “maybe”. I totally understand the frustration of having some of the decisions in this process made by others. I have faith that this will all work out for you. Hang in there.

  4. Calliope Says:

    oh honey.
    I am thinking of you.

  5. hd Says:

    So sorry, Charlotte. Thinking of you.

  6. Trista Says:

    Oh Charlotte, I am so sad for you, for S. for PKD and for The Wife. I think you’re right to focus back on the family you are right now but I do hope you continue to blog – I, for one, will miss you. You are more to me than a TTC story…

  7. M. Says:

    So sorry. The waiting-to-get-started SUCKS. Chalk it up as AFGO – another fucking growth opportunity.

  8. ~ danielle Says:

    ugh, bummer! Be gentle with yourselves, spend lots of time loving each other and LM, and know that there is alot of love coming at you from all over. Holding you gently in my heart.

  9. eryn Says:

    Sorry to heat this. For what it’s worth I am enjoying our break immensly! We also needed time to reconnect and it has been realy great. I wish the same for you.

  10. Sacha Says:

    Hang in there and enjoy the break. You’ll probably start feeling a little more human. Or maybe less super sensitive emotional roller coaster human.

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