S. was going to take care of LM this morning, so I could pick up her brother at the airport. It was supposed to be a special morning for the two of them. I left them sleeping together in bed…S. cuddling him up on one side, his big stuffed monkey on the other.
But he woke up crying for me. Then, within 20 minutes he fell down our stairs and cut the inside of his lip. Crying and bleeding from the mouth ensued. Eventually she took him to the emergency room. Three hours later we found out, of course, that he’s gonna be just fine. He’s ok, apparently it is common to tear the flap of skin connecting your inside lip to your gums. There is still a small flap of skin hanging over his teeth, and he’s all swolen. Jeebus.
Just makes you grateful, ya know?
And KD came over for our regular Thursday dinner last night.
I just want this to be over.
We discussed the possibility that The Wife will need to move here and settle in before everything is OK. But they have a phone appointment for this weekend.. so we’ll see. I am just so exhausted. I am extra upset because I let myself really relax into the ‘yes’ decision. It was such a solid yes. Now it is an ‘I don’t know’, I think. And I don’t know how much patience or positivity I have left.
As M. commented on my last post, another way to look at this is that we are making a parental sacrifice now to go through all this crazy known donor stuff so that both of our kids can know their other genetic half.
Sometimes I feel very clear that everything will be ok, that The Wife needs time, and we can wait. I can even believe that if she says no, that will be ok too. I feel very un-dramatic, and very zen. Then comes the fear, doubt, anger, exhaustion, pessimism. And it makes me sick.
Today, it is still worth it. Tomorrow…we’ll see.