two uteri, two mamas pregnant, AGAIN, with baby number two

Why Are We Still Here? April 5, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — charlotte @ 8:27 pm
The comments on my previous blog indicate that many folks are following this ‘drama’ and are very glad they do not have a KD. No KD = less complicated, for sure.

We have chosen a KD route that is not only complicated because it is a known person, but we have chosen someone close to us, which further complicates everything. We know this.

Initially we did not want to use someone close to us, for the very reasons which we are experiencing now. Jealousy. Hurt feelings. Weirdness.

So why are we not pulling out (ha ha)? Why don’t we just walk away?

An intense sense of connection and rightness remain.

And he is a f*cking great donor. Perfect health, charming, great looking, warm, kind, the most incredible voice I have ever heard (seriously), generous, smart as a whip, hysterically funny, emotionally mature (although he sometimes has trouble anticipating other people’s needs, eh hem). But if you tell him what you need, he is RIGHT there.

Unfortunately we still feel that he is the right person, or believe me we would walk. Leaving is definitely still an option for us though. If The Wife does not get her act together, and become very clear and okay with everything, we are gone.

We just don’t know how long we are willing to wait. I can be patient. Hah. I mean I will try to become a different person so I can muster an two millimeters of patience.

I desperately hope that very soon I will write a post about the restoration of order and happiness in our village.

Oh, and in a shout out to Sacha at Babycakes: I made KD some heart shaped chocolate chip banana bread muffins, and sent them off to work with S.
HUGE success. If I had done it when I had a crush on him he may have loved me back. So bake away for BF. Absolutely.


7 Responses to “Why Are We Still Here?”

  1. Lo Says:

    Charlotte, I assure that part of my feelings as I read your blogs are those of jealousy. We were hoping to be where you are. We’re not, because the Wife in our scenario didn’t waffle, she put her foot down. But we wanted complicated and messy and alive, and we’re getting “popsicles” instead. And that is what it is….but I see the beauty of what you’re doing. And, you know, I tried.

  2. jennifer Says:

    i hope things work out for you guys. stick with it.:)

  3. Sacha Says:

    I’m sure those muffins made him melt. Bake him into submission!

    I think the KD route is not for the faint of heart. It brings up a billion emotions and vulnerabilities which are easier not dealt with. Especially for those of us who live with those types of things close to the surface in the first place.

    But I also think it brings positives that can never be found with frozen. So work through it because it’ll be worth it in the end.

    Things will even out once the contract is signed. And for us, not getting preggers immediately has helped a lot in normalizing things for all of us. And the wife will come around. I’m sure she’s feeling very left out, especially not living there at the moment.

    And you know we have spouse issues as well. Still not really sure how to handle those.

    Have a great day.

  4. Calliope Says:

    “bake him into submission”


    I agree with Sacha regarding the KD stuff. I am in awe of anyone tough enough to go through it. If you didn’t have extreme emotions about this something would be seriously wrong.


    oh…& um- recipe please?!!

  5. Estelle Says:

    We went anonymous for many reasons. We don’t regret it per se, but in hindsight… I would rather have the complications and messiness… and have the health info. But, we’re a unique case.
    You’re making the right decision for YOUR family. That’s all you can do.

  6. M. Says:

    I wanted to comment about what anoymous said a few post back. I totally understood that she said they were thinking of using a KD as a “business deal” complete with a “job application”. Based on my personality and all of the fears about using a KD, I would love to think of it this way. BUT, I can’t because I don’t think I could ever trust a KD who I didn’t know…a total stranger. That would introduce way too much additional fear to me.

    So, if you’re not looking for a business deal, you can end up with quite a mess. I do think that working though the mess holds promise of a happy life later, but who knows….we’re not totally there yet.

    Popsicles are certainly easier (except in timing) and sometimes I wish we were going that route because dealing with all of the emotions that come up with a KD suck. But, I can also say that Sacha and I have become closer in the process and ultimately I think we’ll come out of it having some VERY close friends. The reason I’m still glad we’re using a KD is that our children will grow up knowing how they were made and will be able to meet their genetic link. I think the suffering we go through now is worth it for them to have that. I think of it as one of my first parental sacrafices.

  7. M. Says:

    I have two friends who have used KDs – both the brothers of their partner, in fact. Both couples and the KDs (and their wives) struggled. Ultimately both KDs came through, cute babies arrived, and relationships have continued in their not uncomplicated but still fulfilling ways.

    I really wish the same for you.

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