S.’s sister in law –SIL– (S.’s brother’s wife – the one who donated to me to have LM) was in a lesbian relationship for 6 years before she met S’s brother (B). S. and I were going to get married in a few months when SIL and B got engaged.
Here comes the kindest act in the whole world. Without us asking for it (which would not even have occurred to us in a bazillion years) SIL told us they were delaying their engagement news to the whole family until after our wedding. At her request.
I burst into tears when she told us their reason: lesbian relationships are already so undervalued and undermined, that she did not want to take any energy away from our “wedding” with the announcement of a hetero-wedding-to-be, which would have all of the legitimacy and privileges (legally and socially) which ours would not.
I cannot even describe my feelings in that moment. It was an incredible gift. A gift that was difficult to accept. Our relationship has never been so honored. By anyone. Ever.
They waited months, months before telling ANYONE that they were engaged. For us. To make sure our wedding was seen. To make sure we were seen. To help us feel important and special and loved in a world that finds us abhorent and immoral.
I share this as a testament to the fact that beautiful, selfless, extraordinary acts exist in the world. And sometimes we need somone to stand up for us when we didn’t even know we needed it.